Parent Resources

Understanding the Sociological Development of Your Child

2012-02-03T08:22:00.001-05:00

1/25/2012

Parents should be aware of how the social relationships associate with sport participation.

Children (7-9 years old) face the challenge of learning how to get along with peers and how to deal with authority figures apart from their parents.

It is important for children to learn how to stand up for themselves among their peers while at the same time understand that their peers are different than they are. They must learn how to compromise for the sake of getting along, and how to cooperate and compete with their equals.

7-10 year olds are expressive, spontaneous, and egocentric. Adults should give them room to express themselves while at the same time establishing clear cut norms about honesty and playing by the rules. Because these children are in the process of learning acceptable means of achieving goals, parents and coaches should take care to make clearly explained distinctions between what is acceptable and what is not.

Pre adolescents (10-13) face the challenge of developing "best friend" relationships and gaining acceptance from peers.

Pre adolescents are figuring out how they are similar to and different from others. They go through a stage during which close relations with same sex "best friends" are very important. They are very loyal to friends and greatly influenced by what friends think. Unfortunately, young adolescents can also be very exclusive in their peer groups such that those who are different are shunned or mocked. Being accepted and having someone to trust and confide in is of utmost importance. Pre-adolescents must have the opportunity to interact socially with same-sex peers on a regular basis. At the same time, try to create an environment of inclusions and acceptance of differences.

Adolescents (14-17 years) face the challenge of exploring who they are and how they fit into the world in which they live.

These young people try to answer the question "who am I?" They go through processes of identity testing and identity formation, often to a point that can be frustrating for the adults who know them! Adolescence is a time during which young people "try on" a variety of different identities in an attempt to discover and clarify values while exploring all the possibilities of who they might become as adults. What may seem like rebellion or acting out during this developmental stage, often may be athletes struggling to find identities that fit with their emerging sense of how they are connected to the world. As a parent, be tolerant and accepting of the various identities the athlete "tries on" by allowing them to explore and test new and different identities as long as they do not put themselves in danger and as long as their actions are not in too much conflict with your family values.

Older adolescents (16-19 years old) deal with the challenge of seeking independence and autonomy.

Older adolescents move closer to being independent, autonomous beings: connected to but separate from others, in control of one's life but aware of limitations and boundaries. While complete independence and autonomy are not possible (nor is the individual ready for it), it is important that the athlete be allowed to make strides. If some autonomy is not allowed and encouraged, any organized sport or activity becomes a developmental dead end rather than a developmental opportunity. Feelings of independence and autonomy are derived, in part, from the sense that one has control over his or her life. Athletes who are allowed a voice in their athletic development are also more accountable.

Article from USASwimming.org

Being on the Team vs. Being a Teammate

2012-01-25T14:13:00.001-05:00

[Thoughts NOT just for athletes….]

- Compiled by John Leonard from InSideOut Coaching by Joe Ehrmann

Being on the team benefits your personal goals and ambitions.
Being a teammate benefits the goals and ambitions of your team and your teammates.

Being on the team can make you a bystander.
Teammates intervene in the lives and actions of their teammates.

Being on the team involves personal effort.
Being a teammate involves the efforts of every player.

Being on the team means doing what is asked of you.
Being a teammate is doing whatever is needed for the team to succeed.

Being on the team can involve blaming others and making excuses.
Being a teammate involves accepting responsibility, accountability, and ownership of the team's problems.

Being on the team makes you "me-optic," asking what's in it for me?
Being a teammate makes you "we-optic," asking what's in it for us?

Sometimes players on the team are drawn together by common interests;
teammates are drawn together by a common mission.

Sometimes players on a team like one another;
teammates respect one another.

Sometimes players on a team bond together because of a shared background or compatible personalities;
teammates bond together because they recognize every player is needed to accomplish the goal of the team.

Sometimes players on a team are energized by emotions;
teammates energize one another out of commitment.

[Editor’s Note: When I was a swim parent (and not coaching at the time) I always felt like I was part of the team… but in retrospect, this article reminds me I wasn’t always a good teammate. I wish I had thought about it a little more back then. Guy Edson]

Coach O's Seven Habits of Saintly Swim Parents

2012-01-19T14:08:00.001-05:00

This may be written by Coach from another team but we share the same values and views so I thought this to be appropriate.

Orlando S. Anaya, Mokihana Aquatics, Hawaii

Habit 1. Getting Your Swimmers To Practice Regularly And On Time.

With multiple-job families, single-parent families, and just “being a family,” it is sometimes very hard to get your swimmers to practice every day and on time. The first rule of improvement is “show up!” A great swim parent makes excuses for how they will get their swimmers to practice on time. It’s a powerful message and it teaches your swimmer that you care, amongst other positive messages that it sends.

Habit 2. Providing Emotional Support In All Circumstances.

We appreciate parents who see their primary role as providing emotional support for their swimmers in all circumstances. We’d love to say that kids should always be happy but sometimes they are not. Happiness comes and goes depending on the environment and is also heavily influenced by what children hear their parents saying about a situation. Parents who see temporary difficulties as an opportunity for their children to learn to “work it out” create a great life skill opportunity.

Habit 3. Building Up The Coaches And The Program

We like to view our club as a family and as such we sometimes have questions about one another or the direction of the program. We appreciate families who keep it in the family and bring concerns to the proper person in the chain of command rather than taking it to the “parking lot.”

Habit 4. Comparing Your Swimmer With Themselves

Every swimmer is different. Some have more passion than others. Some swim only for the socialness of the sport. Some are stronger and faster. Some become craftsmen of their technique. Thinking about your own children you may remember that they learned to tie their own shoes at different ages. Trying to compare any swimmer, regardless of time in the sport, or age, is a problematic. The emphasis should be on your swimmer's personal improvement and overall enjoyment of the sport. Coaches tend to be “long term patient” with swimmers in terms of technique and speed. Some get it early, some later. In the meantime, we love them all.

Habit 5. Making Your Children Victors, Not Victims.

This may be the most difficult of all the life skills a parent seeks to instill in their child. In the world today excuses abound and blame shifting is common place. We hear the excuses all the time: "I have too much homework," "I’m not feeling well," “I didn’t get enough to eat today,” “The lane is too crowded,” “The set is too hard,” “The coach yelled at me today.” And on and on. We believe that victors are created by toughing it out in the face of adversity and difficulties. When we (coaches or parent) empower a child to do what they want, when they want, it does not promote athletic development or the ability find a solution. If a swimmer is sick, keep them home. If a swimmer is injured, bring the physical therapist’s exercise routine to the pool so the swimmer can do it there. Love and protect your kids, of course, but don’t allow them to become victims.

Habit 6. Respecting the Coaches' Time During Practice

We appreciate the parents who come early to talk to the coaches or stay until after practice. If that is not convenient please call. The coach’s focus needs to be on the swimmers in the water during workout time.

Habit 7. Getting Your Swimmers To Practice Regularly And On Time.

See #1, above.

The First Ingredient in Success….Learning to Deal with Failure.

2012-01-13T11:37:00.001-05:00

By John Leonard

In the New York Times Magazine of October 2, is an article by Paul Tough (yep, real name) called “The Character Test.” It’s about Riverdale Country School, one of the elite private schools of NYC. The article deals in depth with the failure of great grades and great test scores to accurately predict success in highly competitive college environments, even for the “very best” of the elite private school graduates.

The Headmaster has concluded that the missing piece is….. character. He said:

“Whether it’s the pioneer in the Conestoga wagon or someone coming here in the 1920’s from southern Italy, there was this idea in America, that if you worked hard and you showed real grit, you would be successful. Strangely, we’ve now forgotten that.”

“People who have an easy time of it, who get 800’s on their SAT’s, I worry that these people get feedback that everything they are doing is great. I worry about that. I think we are actually setting them up for long term failure. When that person has to face up to a difficult moment, then I think they are screwed, to be honest. I don’t think we’ve given them the opportunities to grow the capacity to be able to handle that.”

A review of those who DID succeed in competitive colleges showed a real prevalence of skills in specific areas: optimism, persistence and social intelligence. They were the ones who were able to recover from a bad grade and resolve to study and do better next time. They were the ones who could bounce back from a fight with their parents, recognize the nature of family (and friends) and re-secure those relationships into balance, and those would could resist the urge to go to the movies with friends and stay home and study instead. They were the kids who could persuade teachers to give them help after class.

“Our kids don’t put up with a lot of suffering,” says a Riverdale teacher, “and when they do get uncomfortable, we tend to hear from their parents. The parents miss the point that being uncomfortable is what helps the child grow.”

Since swimming is simply a part of life education, the parallels are obvious. No matter what part of life is involved, the ability to deal effectively with failure and use the lessons provided to move you closer to success is clear. Parents who spend time “protecting” their children, do them a disservice, and actually disrespect the child who is always stronger and more capable than we, as parents, think.

Everything we do for our children that they can do for themselves, makes them weaker, not stronger. Seek adversity for your child. Allow them the honor of struggling. It’s what made you successful. If you remove the struggle, you remove their opportunities to get stronger in life.

Motivation

2011-12-23T11:03:00.001-05:00

Guy Edson, ASCA Staff and Senior Coach of a Club Team

Years ago in the early days of MS Word and before the internet, I was writing an article on motivation when a squiggly red line showed up under the word “motivator.” I thought the proof editor was mistaken. I checked out Webster’s unabridged dictionary – the 2042 page edition – and guess what, the word “motivator” was not in the dictionary! So I went to the library and looked in the Cambridge-Oxford unabridged dictionary – the one that is 5 volumes in size – and “motivator” was not there!

The word is certainly in popular use, however. If you search Google you will find 13,100,000 hits. On Amazon.com there are 561 books with the word “motivator” in the title. And now, Word doesn’t underline “motivator” anymore and several online dictionaries I checked now include the word.

Is it odd that we have gone from an unrecognized word to one used regularly. I wonder if it means that at one time we expected motivation to come from within, but in today’s world which is filled with blame shifting, self proclaimed victims, and shying away from adversity, we now want someone else to be responsible for our motivation.

And of course that “someone else” is the coach.

When I first learned that motivator is not a recognized word I felt a huge weight lifted from me because I reasoned that if the word doesn’t exist then I need not think of myself as a motivator!

Instead I chose to think of myself as one responsible for creating the proper environment where motivation from within can occur, if the athlete is willing. What does this mean for the parent? You also are responsible for nurturing an environment where motivation can occur.

What is Motivation? Very simply it means striving to meet one’s needs.

Where does motivation come from? It comes from internal desires and external influences. Internal desires include intangible rewards, satisfaction, and self esteem. Internal desires are often influenced by external influences such as rewards or, unfortunately, fear of reprimand. Coaches prefer motivation by internal desires because these are the most long lasting, most genuine, and most satisfying. Motivation from fear is undesirable in our swimming world. Threatening and seeking to force swimmers do things is a sure way to drive them away.

What does it mean to say that “one is not motivated”? Commonly, it means that one is not a hard worker but more accurately, it usually indicates that a person has needs which are not being met in their present situation.

What kinds of needs are there? Many! Here are a few...

The need to achieve, to be challenged
The need to learn new information, improved techniques
The need to be part of a team, or group
The need to be unique
The need to be recognized
The need to improve weaknesses (not so obvious)
The need to exhibit strengths
The need to be cared for
The need to have fun
The need for structure, discipline.

The coach’s role is to identify the need(s) and then provide the right environment.

The parent’s role? It’s the same!

5 Questions

2011-12-15T18:36:00.001-05:00

Guy Edson

5 Questions Parents Can Ask Their Advanced Age Group Or Senior Swimmer

1. Are you a better swimmer today than you were yesterday?

2. Tell me something you did today that improved your ability?

3. Tell me something you appreciate about being around your teammates and your coach.

4. What life skill did you learn today that goes beyond the swimming pool?

5. Did you thank your coach at the end of practice?

5 Questions Coaches Ask Their Advanced Age Group Or Senior Swimmers

1. Will you be a better swimmer today when you leave the deck than you were when you walked on the deck?

2. What is your primary goal for this season?

3. What do you need to focus on and improve in order to achieve your goal?

4. How can I best help you to achieve your goal?

5. Did you thank your parents for bringing you to and/or picking you up from practice?

Additional questions are most welcome. Let us know if you are a parent or a coach and email to gedson@swimmingcoach.org We will publish them in a future issue.

Prelims and Finals Meets

2011-11-22T11:51:00.001-05:00

Every so often we are presented with the tremendous opportunity to swim in a meet that has prelims and finals sessions. These meets are structured so as to present the fastest 8, or 16, or 24 swimmers from the morning or afternoon prelims sessions with another chance to swim again at finals in the evening. The number of swimmers advancing to finals in this fashion depends on the meet, their age group, and sometimes the events themselves. Some meets offer finals for all age groups, except for the 10 and unders. Some meets offer one heat of finals for 11 and 12 swimmers, but two heats of finals for 13 and older swimmers. Distance events are usually swum just one time, and sometimes the 11-12 200 fly, 200 back, and 200 breast are Timed Finals also.

These types of meets provide a valuable learning experience for our swimmers and encourage them to swim at a high level of competition. These types of meets are valuable tools to prepare our swimmers for their end-of-season Championships. Either they get a taste of swimming finals, or get a better appreciation of what it takes to qualify for finals next time.

Swimming the same event twice in one day is quite a challenge; making finals in two events doubly so. And you can imagine qualifying for three. Yet we don’t want to wait until our biggest meet to face this challenge. The more experience you can get trying to qualify for finals, and swimming finals, the more confidence you will have, the faster you will swim, the stronger you will be.

A swimmer should enter a prelim race with the goal of making finals. To expect anything less would be to sell yourself short. To expect not to make finals would be self-limiting.

As a swimmer develops and reaches this level of competition, we would like you to keep the following information in mind.

What is Involved? Be prepared! Clear your calendar for the entire weekend. When participating in prelims/finals meets, just expect to be there all day. Ideally, we would like our swimmers to go home to rest and refuel between prelims and finals. Swimmers need to be back in time for warm-ups in order to prepare for their final race(s). Please plan accordingly to assure a successful swimming experience for your athlete.

Atmosphere: The atmosphere at prelims is very different than during finals. The fastest swimmers have a hard time swimming best times during prelims especially knowing that finals will take place only a few hours after their initial, qualifying race. The goal is to swim fast enough to make finals. However swimmers can swim best times during prelims and they were totally surprised when they realized, they had just secured a spot in the A Final.

Pressure: After a long day of swimming the athletes return one more time to the pool for the final races, the fastest races. Who will touch the wall first? Though the pressure is tense, athletes handle it better when participating in these types of meets more frequently. Therefore, when a swimmer qualifies, participation is a must. In addition, the team spirit among the athletes can alleviate some of the pressure. Teammates cheer each other on and the TEAM’s spirit takes on a life of its own.

Reaching Goal Times: Prelims/finals meets create an environment for our swimmers to reach their goal times in December. Representing your team in a final race, scoring points for your team, and getting that time you worked so hard for, is all part of the learning experience.

Thanks, but….

2011-11-15T14:07:00.001-05:00

Guy Edson, ASCA Staff and Senior Coach of a Club Team

I received two sets of “Thank you’s” from parents on one day a while ago. That’s a rare thing in the world of coaching senior swimmers.

One of the “thank you’s” was about the care and concern I showed for her child and my continuing efforts to provide a good environment not just for her child, but for all the senior swimmers. Wow, that was deeply appreciated and it immediately elevated me a bit.

A short while later I received another “Thank you” of a different type, but this one left me feeling uncomfortable. This “Thank you” was for the very nice performance his child had at the previous weekend’s meet. I was gracious and thanked him but I left many words unsaid.

To thank me for the excellent performance of their child implies that I had something to do with that performance. I am not comfortable being responsible for an athlete’s excellent performance. If I accept thanks for a good performance must I then take the grief for a bad performance?

Where is the line of separation in responsibility for a good or bad performance? I see a senior swimmer perhaps as much as 4 hours a day between morning workout, afternoon dryland, and afternoon workout. That leaves 20 other hours a day for the athlete to get behind in their school work, not get enough sleep, not eat right, and throw themselves into all sorts of dramas and high stress situations. And during the 4 hours I am with them, can I make them have perfect starts, strokes, turns, and finishes? No. Can I make them work beyond their perceived ability? No. Every swimmer is responsible for their work ethic. Every swimmer is responsible for becoming a craftsman of their technique. I can stand on the blocks and instruct them to streamline, kick7 dolphin kicks and go 10 meters off of the wall on every freestyle turn… but I cannot make them do that. It is when they chose to do so that they take advantage of the environment I establish.

My job is creating the right environment. Thank me for that. I’ll appreciate it.

…but don’t thank me for an excellent performance by your child, and don’t look to me to be accountable for a lousy performance. Check out those other 20 hours first and then stop by at workout to further determine if your child is taking ownership of their workout performance.

The proper positive relationship between athlete and coach is one where the coach provides the right environment which includes positive feedback when warranted, critical feedback when warranted, instruction when needed, encouragement when needed, challenges, and a level of adversity nearly all the time. The athletes apply themselves and take ownership of their progress.

What’s a parent to do? Ask your child if they are taking ownership of their performance and if they don’t know what that means – help them understand it. Reinforcement from home is one of the best ways to help your child.

Parent – Coach Communication Guide

2011-11-05T21:46:00.001-04:00

Prepared By the New Hampshire Interscholastic Athlete Association

Both parenting and coaching are extremely difficult vocations. By establishing communication and understanding of each position, we are better able to accept the actions of the other and provide greater benefit to our student athletes. To be successful, communication is vital and requires involvement, dedication, sacrifice, and commitment from parents, student athletes, and coaches.

COMMUNICATION YOU SHOULD EXPECT FROM YOUR CHILD’S COACH

Coach’s and program’s philosophy.
Individual and team expectations.
Location and times of all practices and games.
Team requirements, i.e., practices, special equipment, off season conditioning.
Procedure followed should your child be injured during practice or games.
Any discipline that may result in the denial of your child’s participation.

COMMUNICATION COACHES EXPECT FROM PARENTS

Concerns expressed directly to the coach.
Notification of schedule conflicts well in advance.
Specific concerns with regard to a coach’s philosophy and/or expectations.
Support for the program and the attributes of dedication, commitment, and responsibility that are ingredients for success and excellence. Encourage your child to excel.

While your child is involved in interscholastic athletics, they will experience some of the most rewarding and inspiring moments of their lives. It is also important to understand that there might also be times when things do not go the way you or your child wishes. At these times, discussion with the coach is encouraged.

APPROPRIATE CONCERNS TO DISCUSS WITH COACHES

The treatment of your child, mentally and physically.
Ways to help your child improve and develop.
Concerns about your child’s behavior.

It is very difficult to accept your child not playing as much as you may hope. Coaches are professionals. They make judgment decisions based on what they believe is best for the team and all athletes involved. There are certain areas and issues that can and should be discussed with your child’s coach. Other things, such as those below, should be left to the direction of the coach.

ISSUES NOT APPROPRIATE TO DISCUSS WITH COACHES

Playing time
Team strategy
Play calling
Other student athletes

IF YOU HAVE A CONCERN TO DISCUSS WITH A COACH

Call to set up an appointment with the coach.
Please do not attempt to confront a coach before, after, or during a practice or game. These can be emotional times for both the parent and the coach, and this situation does not promote resolution nor objective analysis.

Pre and Post Race Conversations with The Athlete

2011-10-18T09:29:00.001-04:00

by John Leonard

If you’ve been to swim meets, you will have noticed that both before a race and immediately after a race, the coach speaks with your child. This is an important part of the race experience.

Before the race, the purpose is to remind the child of the singular thing that the coach wants the child to concentrate on in that race.

Or, in the words of famous Coach Confucius, “He who chases two rabbits, catches neither.” The purpose of the coach’s communication with your child is to make sure they are focused only on the item that the coach has chosen for that race. (This is based on what we’ve been doing in practice.) The reason we practice, of course, is to prepare to race.

Post Race, the coach wants to meet IMMEDIATELY with the athlete once they get out of the water to discuss with the athlete if they achieved that singular goal. Did they do what they set out to do? If so, “great, good job!” If not, why not? Or if the athlete can’t remember what they were supposed to do, that’s not a good and back to the drawing board in learning how to concentrate!

Both communications are critically important in the development of the athlete.

If a parent wants to know what the child is supposed to be concentrating on in any particular race, ASK THE COACH! We’ll be happy to tell you. You might check afterwards and see if your child also remembered, post race, what we said about it. Then you can reinforce the need to focus and learn.

Goal Thinking Versus Process Thinking

2011-10-12T11:23:00.001-04:00

By, John Leonard

I would like to encourage parents to think about the mindset of their children as they approach the starting blocks before an event.

It is common at swim meets for children to ask their coach things like, "What do you think I can go in this 100 free?" or, "My goal is to go 1:05", etc. etc. etc..

In short, GOAL THINKING, or otherwise sometimes described as "outcome thinking."

Now, that's not a bad thing. But it is NOT what they should be thinking about as they get ready to swim!

Instead, the swimmer should be asking the coach, "What do I need to be doing to go 1:05 in the 100 free?"

And the answer would be something like this: "Breath every 5 on the 1st 25 and every 3 strokes the rest of the way. Take two strokes out of every wall before you breathe, and pick up your arm tempo on the 3rd 25 and your legs on the last 25".

(For a younger swimmer, the answer would be something more simple like, "Breathe every three and let me see good strong kicking on the last lap!"

That’s called PROCESS thinking.

PROCESS THINKING is what helps the child focus on and remember what they need to be DOING when they swim. That's what helps them to go fast.

Heading for the blocks repeating their GOAL over and over in their your head will result in.....nothing.

Goals and goal thinking/outcome thinking is what gets them out of bed on Monday morning to go to practice after a long rainy weekend. It’s what gets them to go to practice when their friends who are non-swimming slugs are going to the mall or sitting on their couch watching TV. Therefore, goal thinking is IMPORTANT.

But at the meet, we need focused, PROCESS THINKING to get better.

Parents, I am sure you already understand all this, so please help us teach it to all your children.

Do's and Don'ts for Sport Parents

2011-09-21T14:14:00.001-04:00

By Michael A. Taylor

Gymnastics Risk Management and Consultation

coacht@gym.net

Visit Michael’s Website at www.gym.net

DO FOR YOURSELF:

Get vicarious pleasure from your children's participation, but do not become overly ego-involved,
Try to enjoy yourself at competitions. Your unhappiness can cause your child to feel guilty.
Look relaxed, calm, positive and energized when watching your child compete. Your attitude influences how your child feels and performs.
Have a life of your own outside of your child's sports participation.

DO WITH OTHER PARENTS:

Make friends with other parents at events. Socializing can make the event more fun for you.
Volunteer as much as you can. Youth sports depends upon the time and energy of involved parents.
Police your own ranks: Work with other parents to ensure that all parents behave appropriately at practices and competitions.

DO WITH COACHES:

Leave the coaching to the coaches.
Give them any support they need to help them do their jobs better.
Communicate with them about your child You can learn about your child from each other.
Inform them of relevant issues at home that might affect your child at practice.
Inquire about the progress of your children. You have a right to know.
Make the coaches your allies.

DO FOR YOUR CHILDREN:

Provide guidance for your children, but do not force or pressure them.
Assist them in setting realistic goals for participation.
Emphasize fun, skill development and other benefits of sports participation, e.g., cooperation, competition, self-discipline, commitment.
Show interest in their participation: help them get to practice, attend competitions, ask questions.
Provide; a healthy perspective to help children understand success and failure.
Emphasize and reward effort rather than results.
Intervene if your child's behavior is unacceptable during practice or competitions.
Understand that your child may need a break from sports occasionally.
Give your child some space when need. Part of sports participation involves them figuring things out for themselves.
Keep a sense of humor. If you are having fun and laughing, so will your child.
Provide regular encouragement.
Be a healthy role model for your child by being positive and relaxed at competitions and by having balance in your life.
GIVE THEM UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: SHOW THEM YOU LOVE THEM WHETHER THEY WIN OR LOSE!!!

DON'T FOR YOURSELF:

Base your self-esteem and ego on the success of your child's sports participation.
Care too much about how your child performs.
Lose perspective about the importance of your child's sports participation.

DON'T WITH OTHER PARENTS:

Make enemies of other parents.
Talk about others in the sports community. Talk to them. It is more constructive.

DON'T WITH COACHES:

Interfere with their coaching during practice or competitions.
Work at cross purposes with them. Make sure you agree philosophically and practically on why your child is playing sports and what they may get out of sports.

DON'T WITH YOUR CHILDREN:

EXPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO GET ANYTHING MORE FROM THEIR SPORT THAN A GOOD TIME, PHYSICAL FITNESS, MASTERY AND LOVE OF A LIFETIME SPORT, AND TRANSFERABLE LIFE SKILLS.
Ignore your child's bad behavior in practice or competitions.
Ask the child to talk with you immediately after a competition.
Show negative emotions while watching them perform.
Make your child feel guilty for the time, energy and money you are spending and the sacrifices you are making.
Think of your child's sports participation as an investment for which you expect a return.
Live out your own dreams through your child's sports participation.
Compare your child's progress with that of other children.
Badger, harass, use sarcasm, threaten or use fear to motivate your child It only demeans them and causes them to hate you.
Expect anything from your child except their best effort.
EVER DO ANYTHING THAT WILL CAUSE THEM TO THINK LESS OF THEMSELVES OR OF YOU! !

Parents "Are you a Winning Parent?"

2011-08-31T14:38:00.001-04:00

Reprinted from Competitive Advantage – Sports Psychology Services and Resources http://www.competitivedge.com/questionnaire_parents.htm

Do you really want your child to excel and go as far as possible in his/her sport? Do you want him or her to have fun and feel good about him/herself? Would you like to help your child avoid becoming a dropout statistic? If your answers are` “yes” to these questions then it is critical that you play the “right” role on the parent-coach-athlete team. Be supportive! Be your child’s best fan! DON’T coach! (Unless you are the coach or your child comes to you and WANTS your feedback!) Take this questionnaire to see if you’re doing everything possible to help your child have a successful and healthy sports experience.

Answer each question with a 1, 2, 3 or 4.

1 = never true; 2 = occasionally true; 3 = mostly true; 4 = always true.

I get really frustrated and upset when my child performs below his/her capabilities.
I give my child critical feedback on his/her performance after each game.
If I didn’t push my child, he/she wouldn’t practice.
If my child doesn’t excel and win, I see very little point in them participating in their sport.
I can be very critical when my child makes mistakes or loses.
I set goals with my child in relation to their sport.
I think it’s my job to motivate my child to get better.
I feel angry and embarrassed when my child performs poorly.
The most important thing for my child’s sport participation is that they have fun.
I get really upset with bad calls by the officials.
Most coaches don’t know what they are talking about.
I keep a performance log/journal/statistics on my child’s performance so we can monitor his/her progress.
I feel guilty about some of the things I say to my child after they play.
I try to watch most practices so that I can correct my child when he makes mistakes.
When my child fails I can feel his pain and disappointment.
I think it’s important that my child gets used to having coaches yell at him/her to help prepare him/her for life.
My spouse and I argue about how I treat my son/daughter in relation to his/her sport.
I try to help my child keep his/her failures and the sport in perspective.
I’m never very concerned about the outcome of my child’s game/match/race.
I will not allow my child to be put down or yelled at by a coach.
If my child wasn’t so defensive when it comes to my feedback, he/she could become a better athlete.
It’s not my job to evaluate or criticize my child’s performances.
I feel that my child owes us a certain performance level given all the sacrifices we’ve made for him/her.
I believe my child’s sport belongs to him/her and not to me.
I just want my child to feel good about him/herself and be happy when he/she plays.

SCORING

Add scores for questions #1-8, 10-14,16, 17, 21 & 23. (If you answered question #2 with a “mostly true” you add 3 points to the total score.) Subtract scores for questions #9, 15, 18-20, 22, 24, & 25.

INTERPRETATION

The higher the score, the more potential damage that you are doing to your child. High scores indicate that you are playing the wrong role on the team and if you continue, you will increase the chances of your child burning out, struggling with performance problems and dropping out. Low scores mean that you are on track and doing the things necessary to insure that your child has a positive and life-enriching sports experience. If you scored a:

60 – 50: You are doing everything in your power to seriously damage your child’s self-esteem, ruin their sports experience and make them a candidate for long-term psychotherapy later on in their life. If you continue your ways, your child will most likely drop out of sports. If you force them to continue, chances are good that they will struggle with serious performance problems. On the off chance that they do achieve success, they will not be able to appreciate what they’ve accomplished. Finally, your long-term relationship with them will be seriously jeopardized because of your lack of perspective and behaviors.

49 – 39: You are not being supportive enough and are doing too many things wrong. You are over-involved and putting too much pressure on your child. You need to back down, chill out and let them enjoy their sport. This kind of a parental stance will drive your child out of sports.

38 – 20: You’re OK, but you need some help getting unhooked. You need to be more consistently supportive and take less of a pushing/coaching role.

19 – 16: You are pretty much on track as a parent. You are positive and doing most of the right things to insure your child has a positive youth sports experience.

0 – 15: BRAVO!!!! You are truly a winning parent. You can give workshops to other parents on how to help your child become successful in their sport.

“But It’s Only a Relay”

2011-08-01T18:22:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

Guy Edson, ASCA Staff

This is an article about false assumptions. The coach assumes all relay eligible swimmers will be available for the LSC championship meet. The parent assumes that because their child didn’t make any individual cuts their season is over the week before the LSC champs and plans a family vacation. Oopps.

This is an article about planning. Coaches plan the season with the end in mind and a common goal is to place as high as possible in the LSC championship meet. Workouts and progressions are designed to prepare age group swimmers for this important meet and relays are a very important part of scoring since they are worth twice the points as individual events. In addition to the scoring aspect, team building and the experienced gained by relay only swimmers are important as well. We like to see parents plan for the end of season meets accordingly as well.

This is also an article on communication. Coaches communicate the importance of the end of season meets from the very beginning of the season and parents would be wise in checking with the coach throughout the season as to the possibility of their child swimming at the LSC championship meet, whether in individual events or relays only.

Relays give relay-only swimmers an opportunity to prepare for the end of season meet along side of their friends. Relays give them a greater sense of belonging to the team and contributing to team goals. Relays give the relay-only swimmer a chance for a “best time” at the end of the season and a chance for a medal or ribbon they might not otherwise have an opportunity for. Relays inspire swimmers to come back the next season as an individual events swimmer. And, relays are simply fun.

All the extra arrangements for the relay only swimmer; all the waiting around; and all the extra expense… is it worth it?

You bet!

Hard Work

2011-06-28T10:14:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By John Leonard

We believe hard work is its own reward. We believe that everyone benefits from hard work. It teaches all of us that nothing is given to us, it has to be earned. It teaches us that life is not fair as sometimes those who work the hardest are not rewarded the most. But without hard work, there is a reduced likelihood of reward. Hard work “feels good”. It makes us feel valuable, capable, and self-sufficient. One of the few things we can control in the world is the level of our own effort. When we work harder than we thought was possible for us, we open new doors of possibility in our lives.

We believe that children need to be TAUGHT to work hard. Role modeling from parents, from coaches, and from teammates is the best teacher. Young people learn when they say “I’m tired” from sitting around all day in front of a computer, that they have to learn that SPENDING ENERGY in hard work, BRINGS MORE energy to your body and mind. Want to feel great? Get up and work hard. Sitting around does, in fact, make you tired. Children need to be taught that. It is counter-intuitive.

We believe that Resiliency is THE great trait to learn from swimming. Everyone gets knocked down in life. The critical thing is to learn to bounce back up immediately and re-double your efforts. When I speak to parents, they always tell me that they attained the position they have in life by overcoming all the obstacles that fate placed in their way. Then, they often say “I don’t want my kids to have to go through that.”

This is lunacy! You don’t want your children to learn from the same pieces in life that made you successful?

Children need hard challenges. They need to “fail” as often as they succeed. They need to learn to quickly and effectively bounce back up and get back to work. Parents protecting their children in the extreme are called “Curling Parents”. (Because they remove the obstacles from the path of the child.) IT IS SO MUCH BETTER to prepare the child for the hard path, than try to clear the hard path FOR the child. Each time you do something for your child that they can do for themselves you make your child WEAK. Show your confidence in them by allowing THEM to overcome the obstacles. Resiliency.

It’s a Family Thing. Everyone in the family has a role in swimming. The child does the work, the learning, the physical effort. The parents remind the child of their commitments made and of the life skills that will make them a success in life and in swimming. The Coach coaches. The friends support and cheer and encourage. The parent takes care of the “get the child there” logistics so critical to a child’s success and consistency. Everyone has a role. Play YOUR role and don’t interfere in other’s role.

Key To Goal Setting: Parent Support

2011-06-10T15:06:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

The goal of goal setting with young swimmers is to learn how to set goals. With 10 and unders it is important that they are successful at achieving the goals that the coach and parents help them set.

However, part of learning how to set goals, and also a part of growing up, is an occasional failure at achieving a goal. Failing to meet a goal can have disastrous effects, or, can be part of a healthy growing experience, depending on the support of parents and coach. While it is probably not a good idea to allow 10 and unders to set goals that they probably cannot reach, with 11 and 12 year olds, one approach is to give them more freedom in selecting goals thus allowing them an occasional "opportunity to fail".

When properly guided, a young person who fails to achieve a goal can learn that success is often built upon failure. What would be the parent, coach, swimmer relationship for goal setting for 11 - 12's? For parents this can be a very challenging time. These young people are beginning to experiment with independence. You may find that your influence does not have the immediate impact that you are accustomed. When suggesting goals to your young swimmer, regardless of how appropriate the goals are, you are likely to find some resistance. However, the emotional support a young swimmer needs at this age from you is as great as ever. While the swimmer may not want to hear your suggestions for what to do in the pool, they sure need your support for what they are attempting to do, and sometimes fail to do.

Here are some questions you might ask your goal setting young swimmer.
Have you and Coach Andersen talked about your goals for the season?
What are the goals you have decided on?
Did you write them down?
What did Coach Andersen say you needed to work on in order to reach your goals?
Did you get any closer to your goals today?

The coach begins to take on a more influential role in the swimming development of the young swimmer at this time. Swimmers sometimes think, eat, breath, sleep, and swim according to the direction of the coach and they may respond better to suggestions made by the coach than those made by you. For example, you may be trying to improve the nutritional aspects of your young swimmer's breakfast only to find a typical bit of standard 11 and 12 resistance. However, when the coach suggest the exact same advice to your swimmer he is ready to change his breakfast routine the next day. For this reason, plus the fact that the coach best knows the swimming abilities of your child, the primary influence in goal setting for 11 - 12's is the coach.

The coach acts as a guide, asking your swimmer appropriate questions to help him decide on goals. When your child has a goal in mind and is convinced he can achieve that goal, coaches (and parents) should accept it as a goal even if it seems too ambitious.

What happens when he fails to meet the goal? From you, he needs unconditional support and careful guidance.

Let's consider a situation where 12 year old Bobby has a best time of 1:07.5 in the 100 free, a "B" time. He has several "B" times in other strokes but no "A" times. His coach feels that a good goal for Bobby would be to make an "A" time in the 100 free, 1:03.19. However, Bobby has set his own goal of breaking a minute in the 100 free in the final "B" meet of the season. He knows if he breaks a minute he will qualify for the Junior Olympics and gain a spot on the relay. Contributing to Bobby's desire to qualify for Junior Olympics this season is the fact that he turns 13 shortly after the meet and he knows it will take a 55.3 to qualify for the next Junior Olympics as a 13 - 14 year old. Bobby also set three other goals which fall within the coaches expectations so the coach allows Bobby this "opportunity to fail".

During the season, Bobby makes steady progress as he drops his time in the 100 free to 1:04.0 and he is still hoping to break a minute. At the final "B" meet he goes a 1:03.0, a new "A" time, and wins the event. The coach and Bobby's parents are very pleased with his performance. Bobby, however, is dejected because he did not make his goal of breaking a minute.

Bobby's parents, sitting in the bleachers, observe him speaking with his coach. His mood does not noticeably change despite his coaches' congratulatory gestures, smiling face, and reassuring words. Now Bobby is on his way up into the bleachers to visit his parents. What's important to say to Bobby?

First, attend first to Bobby's physical needs, "Are you warm enough? Please put on your warm ups. Do you need something to drink?"
Then, do not deny him the opportunity to express his disappointment and do not minimize his feelings. You know it was a best time, and you know it was a good race, but you will not be able to MAKE him feel better by contradicting his feelings. Listen to him.
Empathize with Bobby. Say, "I know how disappointed you must be."
Allow Bobby to find the solution to his disappointment. "Why do you think you didn't make your goal?" Bobby can respond to this question in one of several different ways and your follow up will be based on that response. It is hard to generalize a conversation here, but what is important to remember is that through your questions and his responses, you want Bobby to realize that while his goal for breaking a minute is a good goal, his timetable for breaking a minute was too short and there are more things he needs to work on.
Support Coach Anderson. Ask Bobby, "What did Coach Anderson say?" "That sounds like a good idea, do you think you can do that?"

The desired net result of the parent and athlete relationship in this type of goal setting situation is that the athlete receives support for his feelings and he comes to realize how to adjust his goal setting in order to be more successful next time. With this result, you'll find your young swimmer better equipped to establish his next set of goals with the knowledge that he has your unconditional support.

A Nation of Wimps

2011-06-01T11:53:00.001-04:00

Parents are going to ludicrous lengths to take the bumps out of life for their children. However, parental hyperconcern has the net effect of making kids more fragile; that may be why they're breaking down in record numbers.

By Hara Estroff Marano, published on November 01, 2004 - last reviewed on January 23, 2011

Maybe it's the cyclist in the park, trim under his sleek metallic blue helmet, cruising along the dirt path... at three miles an hour. On his tricycle.

Or perhaps it's today's playground, all-rubber-cushioned surface where kids used to skin their knees. And... wait a minute... those aren't little kids playing. Their mommies—and especially their daddies—are in there with them, coplaying or play-by-play coaching. Few take it half-easy on the perimeter benches, as parents used to do, letting the kids figure things out for themselves.

Then there are the sanitizing gels, with which over a third of parents now send their kids to school, according to a recent survey. Presumably, parents now worry that school bathrooms are not good enough for their children.

Consider the teacher new to an upscale suburban town. Shuffling through the sheaf of reports certifying the educational "accommodations" he was required to make for many of his history students, he was struck by the exhaustive, well-written—and obviously costly—one on behalf of a girl who was already proving among the most competent of his ninth-graders. "She's somewhat neurotic," he confides, "but she is bright, organized and conscientious—the type who'd get to school to turn in a paper on time, even if she were dying of stomach flu." He finally found the disability he was to make allowances for: difficulty with Gestalt thinking. The 13-year-old "couldn't see the big picture." That cleverly devised defect (what 13-year-old can construct the big picture?) would allow her to take all her tests untimed, especially the big one at the end of the rainbow, the college-worthy SAT.

Behold the wholly sanitized childhood, without skinned knees or the occasional C in history. "Kids need to feel badly sometimes," says child psychologist David Elkind, professor at Tufts University. "We learn through experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure we learn how to cope."

Messing up, however, even in the playground, is wildly out of style. Although error and experimentation are the true mothers of success, parents are taking pains to remove failure from the equation.

"Life is planned out for us," says Elise Kramer, a Cornell University junior. "But we don't know what to want." As Elkind puts it, "Parents and schools are no longer geared toward child development, they're geared to academic achievement."

No one doubts that there are significant economic forces pushing parents to invest so heavily in their children's outcome from an early age. But taking all the discomfort, disappointment and even the play out of development, especially while increasing pressure for success, turns out to be misguided by just about 180 degrees. With few challenges all their own, kids are unable to forge their creative adaptations to the normal vicissitudes of life. That not only makes them risk-averse, it makes them psychologically fragile, riddled with anxiety. In the process they're robbed of identity, meaning and a sense of accomplishment, to say nothing of a shot at real happiness. Forget, too, about perseverance, not simply a moral virtue but a necessary life skill. These turn out to be the spreading psychic fault lines of 21st-century youth. Whether we want to or not, we're on our way to creating a nation of wimps.

The Fragility Factor

College, it seems, is where the fragility factor is now making its greatest mark. It's where intellectual and developmental tracks converge as the emotional training wheels come off. By all accounts, psychological distress is rampant on college campuses. It takes a variety of forms, including anxiety and depression—which are increasingly regarded as two faces of the same coin—binge drinking and substance abuse, self-mutilation and other forms of disconnection. The mental state of students is now so precarious for so many that, says Steven Hyman, provost of Harvard University and former director of the National Institute of Mental Health, "it is interfering with the core mission of the university."

The severity of student mental health problems has been rising since 1988, according to an annual survey of counseling center directors. Through 1996, the most common problems raised by students were relationship issues. That is developmentally appropriate, reports Sherry Benton, assistant director of counseling at Kansas State University. But in 1996, anxiety overtook relationship concerns and has remained the major problem. The University of Michigan Depression Center, the nation's first, estimates that 15 percent of college students nationwide are suffering from that disorder alone.

Relationship problems haven't gone away; their nature has dramatically shifted and the severity escalated. Colleges report ever more cases of obsessive pursuit, otherwise known as stalking, leading to violence, even death. Anorexia or bulimia in florid or subclinical form now afflicts 40 percent of women at some time in their college career. Eleven weeks into a semester, reports psychologist Russ Federman, head of counseling at the University of Virginia, "all appointment slots are filled. But the students don't stop coming."

Drinking, too, has changed. Once a means of social lubrication, it has acquired a darker, more desperate nature. Campuses nationwide are reporting record increases in binge drinking over the past decade, with students often stuporous in class, if they get there at all. Psychologist Paul E. Joffe, chair of the suicide prevention team at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, contends that at bottom binge-drinking is a quest for authenticity and intensity of experience. It gives young people something all their own to talk about, and sharing stories about the path to passing out is a primary purpose. It's an inverted world in which drinking to oblivion is the way to feel connected and alive.

"There is a ritual every university administrator has come to fear," reports John Portmann, professor of religious studies at the University of Virginia. "Every fall, parents drop off their well-groomed freshmen and within two or three days many have consumed a dangerous amount of alcohol and placed themselves in harm's way. These kids have been controlled for so long, they just go crazy."

Heavy drinking has also become the quickest and easiest way to gain acceptance, says psychologist Bernardo J. Carducci, professor at Indiana University Southeast and founder of its Shyness Research Institute. "Much of collegiate social activity is centered on alcohol consumption because it's an anxiety reducer and demands no social skills," he says. "Plus it provides an instant identity; it lets people know that you are willing to belong."

Welcome to the Hothouse

Talk to a college president or administrator and you're almost certainly bound to hear tales of the parents who call at 2 a.m. to protest Branden's C in economics because it's going to damage his shot at grad school.

Shortly after psychologist Robert Epstein announced to his university students that he expected them to work hard and would hold them to high standards, he heard from a parent—on official judicial stationery—asking how he could dare mistreat the young. Epstein, former editor-in-chief of Psychology Today, eventually filed a complaint with the California commission on judicial misconduct, and the judge was censured for abusing his office—but not before he created havoc in the psychology department at the University of California, San Diego.

Enter: grade inflation. When he took over as president of Harvard in July 2001, Lawrence Summers publicly ridiculed the value of honors after discovering that 94 percent of the college's seniors were graduating with them. Safer to lower the bar than raise the discomfort level. Grade inflation is the institutional response to parental anxiety about school demands on children, contends social historian Peter Stearns of George Mason University. As such, it is a pure index of emotional overinvestment in a child's success. And it rests on a notion of juvenile frailty—the assumption that children are easily bruised and need explicit uplift," Stearns argues in his book, Anxious Parenting: A History of Modern Childrearing in America.

Parental protectionism may reach its most comic excesses in college, but it doesn't begin there. Primary schools and high schools are arguably just as guilty of grade inflation. But if you're searching for someone to blame, consider Dr. Seuss. "Parents have told their kids from day one that there's no end to what they are capable of doing," says Virginia's Portmann. "They read them the Dr. Seuss book Oh, the Places You'll Go! and create bumper stickers telling the world their child is an honor student. American parents today expect their children to be perfect—the smartest, fastest, most charming people in the universe. And if they can't get the children to prove it on their own, they'll turn to doctors to make their kids into the people that parents want to believe their kids are."

What they're really doing, he stresses, is "showing kids how to work the system for their own benefit."

And subjecting them to intense scrutiny. "I wish my parents had some hobby other than me," one young patient told David Anderegg, a child psychologist in Lenox, Massachusetts, and professor of psychology at Bennington College. Anderegg finds that anxious parents are hyperattentive to their kids, reactive to every blip of their child's day, eager to solve every problem for their child—and believe that's good parenting. "If you have an infant and the baby has gas, burping the baby is being a good parent. But when you have a 10-year-old who has metaphoric gas, you don't have to burp him. You have to let him sit with it, try to figure out what to do about it. He then learns to tolerate moderate amounts of difficulty, and it's not the end of the world."

Arrivederci, Playtime

In the hothouse that child raising has become, play is all but dead. Over 40,000 U.S. schools no longer have recess. And what play there is has been corrupted. The organized sports many kids participate in are managed by adults; difficulties that arise are not worked out by kids but adjudicated by adult referees.

"So many toys now are designed by and for adults," says Tufts' Elkind. When kids do engage in their own kind of play, parents become alarmed. Anderegg points to kids exercising time-honored curiosity by playing doctor. "It's normal for children to have curiosity about other children's genitals," he says. "But when they do, most parents I know are totally freaked out. They wonder what's wrong."

Kids are having a hard time even playing neighborhood pick-up games because they've never done it, observes Barbara Carlson, president and cofounder of Putting Families First. "They've been told by their coaches where on the field to stand, told by their parents what color socks to wear, told by the referees who's won and what's fair. Kids are losing leadership skills."

A lot has been written about the commercialization of children's play, but not the side effects, says Elkind. "Children aren't getting any benefits out of play as they once did." From the beginning play helps children learn how to control themselves, how to interact with others. Contrary to the widely held belief that only intellectual activities build a sharp brain, it's in play that cognitive agility really develops. Studies of children and adults around the world demonstrate that social engagement actually improves intellectual skills. It fosters decision-making, memory and thinking, speed of mental processing. This shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, the human mind is believed to have evolved to deal with social problems.

The Eternal Umbilicus

It's bad enough that today's children are raised in a psychological hothouse where they are overmonitored and oversheltered. But that hothouse no longer has geographical or temporal boundaries. For that you can thank the cell phone. Even in college—or perhaps especially at college—students are typically in contact with their parents several times a day, reporting every flicker of experience. One long-distance call overheard on a recent cross-campus walk: "Hi, Mom. I just got an ice-cream cone; can you believe they put sprinkles on the bottom as well as on top?"

"Kids are constantly talking to parents," laments Cornell student Kramer, which makes them perpetually homesick. Of course, they're not telling the folks everything, notes Portmann. "They're not calling their parents to say, 'I really went wild last Friday at the frat house and now I might have chlamydia. Should I go to the student health center?'"

The perpetual access to parents infantilizes the young, keeping them in a permanent state of dependency. Whenever the slightest difficulty arises, "they're constantly referring to their parents for guidance," reports Kramer. They're not learning how to manage for themselves.

Think of the cell phone as the eternal umbilicus. One of the ways we grow up is by internalizing an image of Mom and Dad and the values and advice they imparted over the early years. Then, whenever we find ourselves faced with uncertainty or difficulty, we call on that internalized image. We become, in a way, all the wise adults we've had the privilege to know. "But cell phones keep kids from figuring out what to do," says Anderegg. "They've never internalized any images; all they've internalized is 'call Mom or Dad.'"

Some psychologists think we have yet to recognize the full impact of the cell phone on child development, because its use is so new. Although there are far too many variables to establish clear causes and effects, Indiana's Carducci believes that reliance on cell phones undermines the young by destroying the ability to plan ahead. "The first thing students do when they walk out the door of my classroom is flip open the cell phone. Ninety-five percent of the conversations go like this: 'I just got out of class; I'll see you in the library in five minutes.' Absent the phone, you'd have to make arrangements ahead of time; you'd have to think ahead."

Herein lies another possible pathway to depression. The ability to plan resides in the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the executive branch of the brain. The PFC is a critical part of the self-regulation system, and it's deeply implicated in depression, a disorder increasingly seen as caused or maintained by unregulated thought patterns—lack of intellectual rigor, if you will. Cognitive therapy owes its very effectiveness to the systematic application of critical thinking to emotional reactions. Further, it's in the setting of goals and progress in working toward them, however mundane they are, that positive feelings are generated. From such everyday activity, resistance to depression is born.

What's more, cell phones—along with the instant availability of cash and almost any consumer good your heart desires—promote fragility by weakening self-regulation. "You get used to things happening right away," says Carducci. You not only want the pizza now, you generalize that expectation to other domains, like friendship and intimate relationships. You become frustrated and impatient easily. You become unwilling to work out problems. And so relationships fail—perhaps the single most powerful experience leading to depression.

From Scrutiny to Anxiety... and Beyond

The 1990s witnessed a landmark reversal in the traditional patterns of psychopathology. While rates of depression rise with advancing age among people over 40, they're now increasing fastest among children, striking more children at younger and younger ages.

In his now-famous studies of how children's temperaments play out, Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan has shown unequivocally that what creates anxious children is parents hovering and protecting them from stressful experiences. About 20 percent of babies are born with a high-strung temperament. They can be spotted even in the womb; they have fast heartbeats. Their nervous systems are innately programmed to be overexcitable in response to stimulation, constantly sending out false alarms about what is dangerous.

As infants and children this group experiences stress in situations most kids find unthreatening, and they may go through childhood and even adulthood fearful of unfamiliar people and events, withdrawn and shy. At school age they become cautious, quiet and introverted. Left to their own devices they grow up shrinking from social encounters. They lack confidence around others. They're easily influenced by others. They are sitting ducks for bullies. And they are on the path to depression.

While their innate reactivity seems to destine all these children for later anxiety disorders, things didn't turn out that way. Between a touchy temperament in infancy and persistence of anxiety stand two highly significant things: parents. Kagan found to his surprise that the development of anxiety was scarcely inevitable despite apparent genetic programming. At age 2, none of the overexcitable infants wound up fearful if their parents backed off from hovering and allowed the children to find some comfortable level of accommodation to the world on their own. Those parents who overprotected their children—directly observed by conducting interviews in the home—brought out the worst in them.

A small percentage of children seem almost invulnerable to anxiety from the start. But the overwhelming majority of kids are somewhere in between. For them, overparenting can program the nervous system to create lifelong vulnerability to anxiety and depression.

There is in these studies a lesson for all parents. Those who allow their kids to find a way to deal with life's day-to-day stresses by themselves are helping them develop resilience and coping strategies. "Children need to be gently encouraged to take risks and learn that nothing terrible happens," says Michael Liebowitz, clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University and head of the Anxiety Disorders Clinic at New York State Psychiatric Institute. "They need gradual exposure to find that the world is not dangerous. Having overprotective parents is a risk factor for anxiety disorders because children do not have opportunities to master their innate shyness and become more comfortable in the world." They never learn to dampen the pathways from perception to alarm reaction.

Hothouse parenting undermines children in other ways, too, says Anderegg. Being examined all the time makes children extremely self-conscious. As a result they get less communicative; scrutiny teaches them to bury their real feelings deeply. And most of all, self-consciousness removes the safety to be experimental and playful. "If every drawing is going to end up on your parents' refrigerator, you're not free to fool around, to goof up or make mistakes," says Anderegg.

Parental hovering is why so many teenagers are so ironic, he notes. It's a kind of detachment, "a way of hiding in plain sight. They just don't want to be exposed to any more scrutiny."

Parents are always so concerned about children having high self-esteem, he adds. "But when you cheat on their behalf to get them ahead of other children"—by pursuing accommodations and recommendations—you just completely corrode their sense of self. They feel 'I couldn't do this on my own.' It robs them of their own sense of efficacy." A child comes to think, "if I need every advantage I can get, then perhaps there is really something wrong with me." A slam-dunk for depression.

Virginia's Portmann feels the effects are even more pernicious; they weaken the whole fabric of society. He sees young people becoming weaker right before his eyes, more responsive to the herd, too eager to fit in—less assertive in the classroom, unwilling to disagree with their peers, afraid to question authority, more willing to conform to the expectations of those on the next rung of power above them.

Endless Adolescence

The end result of cheating childhood is to extend it forever. Despite all the parental pressure, and probably because of it, kids are pushing back—in their own way. They're taking longer to grow up.

Adulthood no longer begins when adolescence ends, according to a recent report by University of Pennsylvania sociologist Frank F. Furstenberg and colleagues. There is, instead, a growing no-man's-land of postadolescence from 20 to 30, which they dub "early adulthood." Those in it look like adults but "haven't become fully adult yet—traditionally defined as finishing school, landing a job with benefits, marrying and parenting—because they are not ready or perhaps not permitted to do so."

Using the classic benchmarks of adulthood, 65 percent of males had reached adulthood by the age of 30 in 1960. By contrast, in 2000, only 31 percent had. Among women, 77 percent met the benchmarks of adulthood by age 30 in 1960. By 2000, the number had fallen to 46 percent.

Boom Boom Boomerang

Take away play from the front end of development and it finds a way onto the back end. A steady march of success through regimented childhood arranged and monitored by parents creates young adults who need time to explore themselves. "They often need a period in college or afterward to legitimately experiment—to be children," says historian Stearns. "There's decent historical evidence to suggest that societies that allow kids a few years of latitude and even moderate [rebellion] end up with healthier kids than societies that pretend such impulses don't exist."

Marriage is one benchmark of adulthood, but its antecedents extend well into childhood. "The precursor to marriage is dating, and the precursor to dating is playing," says Carducci. The less time children spend in free play, the less socially competent they'll be as adults. It's in play that we learn give and take, the fundamental rhythm of all relationships. We learn how to read the feelings of others and how to negotiate conflicts. Taking the play out of childhood, he says, is bound to create a developmental lag, and he sees it clearly in the social patterns of today's adolescents and young adults, who hang around in groups that are more typical of childhood. Not to be forgotten: The backdrop of continued high levels of divorce confuses kids already too fragile to take the huge risk of commitment.

Just Whose Shark Tank Is It Anyway?

The stressful world of cutthroat competition that parents see their kids facing may not even exist. Or it exists, but more in their mind than in reality—not quite a fiction, more like a distorting mirror. "Parents perceive the world as a terribly competitive place," observes Anderegg. "And many of them project that onto their children when they're the ones who live or work in a competitive environment. They then imagine that their children must be swimming in a big shark tank, too."

"It's hard to know what the world is going to look like 10 years from now," says Elkind. "How best do you prepare kids for that? Parents think that earlier is better. That's a natural intuition, but it happens to be wrong."

What if parents have micromanaged their kids' lives because they've hitched their measurement of success to a single event whose value to life and paycheck they have frantically overestimated? No one denies the Ivy League offers excellent learning experiences, but most educators know that some of the best programs exist at schools that don't top the U.S. News and World Report list, and that with the right attitude—a willingness to be engaged by new ideas—it's possible to get a meaningful education almost anywhere. Further, argues historian Stearns, there are ample openings for students at an array of colleges. "We have a competitive frenzy that frankly involves parents more than it involves kids themselves," he observes, both as a father of eight and teacher of many. "Kids are more ambivalent about the college race than are parents."

Yet the very process of application to select colleges undermines both the goal of education and the inherent strengths of young people. "It makes kids sneaky," says Anderegg. Bending rules and calling in favors to give one's kid a competitive edge is morally corrosive.

Like Stearns, he is alarmed that parents, pursuing disability diagnoses so that children can take untimed SATs, actually encourage kids to think of themselves as sickly and fragile. Colleges no longer know when SATs are untimed—but the kids know. "The kids know when you're cheating on their behalf," says Anderegg, "and it makes them feel terribly guilty. Sometimes they arrange to fail to right the scales. And when you cheat on their behalf, you completely undermine their sense of self-esteem. They feel they didn't earn it on their own."

In buying their children accommodations to assuage their own anxiety, parents are actually locking their kids into fragility. Says the suburban teacher: "Exams are a fact of life. They are anxiety-producing. The kids never learn how to cope with anxiety."

Putting Worry in its Place

Children, however, are not the only ones who are harmed by hyperconcern. Vigilance is enormously taxing—and it's taken all the fun out of parenting. "Parenting has in some measurable ways become less enjoyable than it used to be," says Stearns. "I find parents less willing to indulge their children's sense of time. So they either force-feed them or do things for them."

Parents need to abandon the idea of perfection and give up some of the invasive control they've maintained over their children. The goal of parenting, Portmann reminds, is to raise an independent human being. Sooner or later, he says, most kids will be forced to confront their own mediocrity. Parents may find it easier to give up some control if they recognize they have exaggerated many of the dangers of childhood—although they have steadfastly ignored others, namely the removal of recess from schools and the ubiquity of video games that encourage aggression.

The childhood we've introduced to our children is very different from that in past eras, Epstein stresses. Children no longer work at young ages. They stay in school for longer periods of time and spend more time exclusively in the company of peers. Children are far less integrated into adult society than they used to be at every step of the way. We've introduced laws that give children many rights and protections—although we have allowed media and marketers to have free access.

In changing the nature of childhood, Stearns argues, we've introduced a tendency to assume that children can't handle difficult situations. "Middle-class parents especially assume that if kids start getting into difficulty they need to rush in and do it for them, rather than let them flounder a bit and learn from it. I don't mean we should abandon them," he says, "but give them more credit for figuring things out." And recognize that parents themselves have created many of the stresses and anxieties children are suffering from, without giving them tools to manage them.

While the adults are at it, they need to remember that one of the goals of higher education is to help young people develop the capacity to think for themselves.

Although we're well on our way to making kids more fragile, no one thinks that kids and young adults are fundamentally more flawed than in previous generations. Maybe many will "recover" from diagnoses too liberally slapped on to them. In his own studies of 14 skills he has identified as essential for adulthood in American culture, from love to leadership, Epstein has found that "although teens don't necessarily behave in a competent way, they have the potential to be every bit as competent and as incompetent as adults."

Parental anxiety has its place. But the way things now stand, it's not being applied wisely. We're paying too much attention to too few kids—and in the end, the wrong kids. As with the girl whose parents bought her the Gestalt-defect diagnosis, resources are being expended for kids who don't need them.

There are kids who are worth worrying about—kids in poverty, stresses Anderegg. "We focus so much on our own children," says Elkind, "It's time to begin caring about all children."

Psychology Today – A Nation of Wimps

The Praise Gap

2011-05-19T08:59:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

Bringing Praising Strategies Used by Coaches and Parents Closer Together.

From Guy Edson, ASCA

From the point of view of many parents, coaches tend to under-praise their swimmers. One parent complained to me that their child would never rise above the level of “adequate” under my standards. This is the same parent I earlier saw heaping loads of praise on the child (a 12 year old) for having giving it a “great effort” when in fact the child had just completed a swim that was technically lacking, far off of a best time, and showed no interest in racing. Clearly there is a difference here.

Many articles cite studies that in the ideal learning environment there is a “magic ratio” of 5 praises to 1 criticism. Anecdotally I can tell you that most coaches are the complete opposite: 5 criticisms to one praise.

In good coaching those 5 “criticisms” are better labeled “critical feedback.” The role of the coach is to give critical technical feedback to the athlete – specific and objective information that helps the athlete perform better the next time. Praise is often given in levels from a simple OK (adequate) to “nice job.” Coaches are careful NOT to use words that leave little room for improvement like “awesome,” “excellent,” and “perfect.” A coach wants the athlete to feel that there is always work to do, always room for improvement. As long as feedback and praise are consistent, coaches can use the 1:5 ratio very effectively.

One of the difficulties for coaches is that we feel we are fighting against a larger cultural push of standardless self-esteem building. This is the mentality that “All efforts are good.” An article in the New York Magazine by Po Bronson cites research that says that self-esteem building by over praising can actually create underachievers. (How Not to Talk to Your Kids -- The inverse power of praise. By Po Bronson in the New York Magazine, February 2007.)

Since the 1969 publication of The Psychology of Self-Esteem, in which Nathaniel Branden opined that self-esteem was the single most important facet of a person, the belief that one must do whatever he can to achieve positive self-esteem has become a movement with broad societal effects. Anything potentially damaging to kids’ self-esteem was axed. Competitions were frowned upon. Soccer coaches stopped counting goals and handed out trophies to everyone. Teachers threw out their red pencils. Criticism was replaced with ubiquitous, even undeserved, praise.

Dweck and Blackwell’s work is part of a larger academic challenge to one of the self-esteem movement’s key tenets: that praise, self-esteem, and performance rise and fall together. From 1970 to 2000, there were over 15,000 scholarly articles written on self-esteem and its relationship to everything—from sex to career advancement. But results were often contradictory or inconclusive. So in 2003 the Association for Psychological Science asked Dr. Roy Baumeister, then a leading proponent of self-esteem, to review this literature. His team concluded that self-esteem was polluted with flawed science. Only 200 of those 15,000 studies met their rigorous standards.

After reviewing those 200 studies, Baumeister concluded that having high self-esteem didn’t improve grades or career achievement. It didn’t even reduce alcohol usage. And it especially did not lower violence of any sort. (Highly aggressive, violent people happen to think very highly of themselves, debunking the theory that people are aggressive to make up for low self-esteem.) At the time, Baumeister was quoted as saying that his findings were “the biggest disappointment of my career.”

So, what might be good advice for parents seeking to praise and build up their children? From Bronson’s article we read:

To be effective, researchers have found, praise needs to be specific.

Sincerity of praise is also crucial.

New York University professor of psychiatry Judith Brook explains that the issue for parents is one of credibility. “Praise is important, but not vacuous praise,” she says. “It has to be based on a real thing—some skill or talent they have.” Once children hear praise they interpret as meritless, they discount not just the insincere praise, but sincere praise as well.

With so much overflowing love for our children (I am a parent also) why not praise all efforts, even not-so-good efforts, as a way of boosting spirits? Why must the coach bluntly say that the performance did not match up with expectations – in short, tell the swimmer it was a failure? In the article, Bronson refers to a study that helps explain the importance of recognizing failures.

But it turns out that the ability to repeatedly respond to failure by exerting more effort—instead of simply giving up—is a trait well studied in psychology. People with this trait, persistence, rebound well and can sustain their motivation through long periods of delayed gratification. Delving into this research, I learned that persistence turns out to be more than a conscious act of will; it’s also an unconscious response, governed by a circuit in the brain.

“The key is intermittent reinforcement,” says [researcher Dr. Robert] Cloninger [of Washington University in St. Louis.] The brain has to learn that frustrating spells can be worked through. “A person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence, because they’ll quit when the rewards disappear.”

Bronson concludes:

Jumping in with praise is like jumping in too soon with the answer to a homework problem—it robs him of the chance to make the deduction himself.

I think it is appropriate to simply ask the child how they think they did, listen to their analysis, then add a ton of love and a big hug, and let it go at that.

HOW TO BE A WINNING PARENT

2011-05-09T11:08:00.001-04:00

By Dr. Alan Goldberg, Competitive Advantage

If you want your child to come out of his youth sports experience a winner, (feeling good about himself and having a healthy attitude towards sports) then he needs your help! You are a vital and important part of the coach-athlete-parent team. If you do your job correctly and play YOUR position well, then your child will learn the sport faster, perform better, really have fun and have his self-esteem enhanced as a result. His sport experience will serve as a positive model for him to follow as he approaches other challenges and obstacles throughout life. If you "drop the ball" or run the wrong way with it, your child will stop learning, experience performance difficulties and blocks, and begin to really hate the sport. And that's the GOOD news! Further, your relationship with him will probably suffer significantly. As a result, he will come out of this experience burdened with feelings of failure, inadequacy and low self-esteem, feelings that will general¬ize to other areas in his life. Your child and his coach need you ON the team. They can't win without YOU! The following are a list of useful facts, guidelines and strategies for you to use to make you more skilled in the youth sport game. Remember, no wins unless everyone wins. We need you on the team!

1. When defined the RIGHT way, competition in youth sports is both good and healthy and teaches children a variety of important life skills. The word "compete" comes from the Latin words 'com" and "petere" which mean together and seeking respectively. The true definition of competition is a seeking TOGETHER where your opponent is your partner, NOT the enemy! The better he performs, the more chance you have of having a peak performance. Sport is about learning to deal with challenges and ob¬stacles. Without a worthy opponent, without any challenges sport is not so much fun. The more the challenge the better the opportunity you have to go beyond your limits. World records are consistently broken and set at the Olympics because the best athletes in the world are "seeking together", challenging each other to enhanced performance. Your child should NEVER be taught to view his opponent as the "bad guy", the enemy or someone to be hated and "destroyed". Do NOT model this attitude!! Instead, talk to and make friends with parents of your child's opponent. Root for great performances, good plays, NOT just for the winner!

2. ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO COMPETE AGAINST HIMSELF. The ultimate goal of the sport experience is to challenge oneself and continually improve. Unfortunately, judging improvement by winning and losing is both an unfair and inaccurate measure. Winning in sports is about doing the best YOU can do, SEPARATE from the outcome or the play of your opponent. Children should be encouraged to compete against their own potential, i.e. Peter and Patty Potential. That is, the boys should focus on beating "Peter,” competing against themselves while the girls challenge "Patty.” When your child has this focus and plays to better himself instead of beating someone else, he will be more relaxed, have more fun and therefore perform better.

3. DO NOT DEFINE SUCCESS AND FAILURE IN TERMS OF WINNING AND LOSING. As a corollary to #2, one of the main purposes of the youth sports experience is skill acquisition and mastery. When a child performs to his potential and loses it is criminal to focus on the outcome and become critical. If a child plays his very best and loses, you need to help him feel like a winner! Similarly, when a child or team performs far below their potential but wins, this is NOT cause to feel like a winner. Help your child make this important separation between success and failure and winning and losing. Remember, if you define success and failure in terms of winning and losing, you're playing a losing game with your child!

4. BE SUPPORTIVE, DO NOT COACH! Your role on the parent-coach-athlete team is as a Support player with a capital S!! You need to be your child's best fan. UNCONDITIONALLY!!! Leave the coaching and instruction to the coach. Provide encouragement, support, empathy, transportation, money, help with fund-raisers, etc., BUT...DO NOT COACH! Most parents that get into trouble with their chil¬dren do so because they forget the important position that they play. Coaching interferes with your role as supporter and fan. The last thing your child needs and wants to hear from you after a disap¬pointing performance or loss is what they did technically or strategically wrong. Keep your role as a parent on the team separate from that as coach, and if, by necessity you actually get stuck in the almost no-win position of having to coach your child, try to maintain this separation of roles, ie. on the deck, field or court say, "'Now I'm talking to you as a coach", at home say, "'Now I'm talking to you as a parent". Don't parent when you coach and don't coach at home when you're supposed to be parenting.

5. HELP MAKE THE SPORT FUN FOR YOUR CHILD. It's a time proven principle of peak performance that the more fun an athlete is having, the more he will learn and the better he will per¬form. Fun MUST be present for peak performance to happen at EVERY level of sports from youth to world class competitor! When a child stops having fun and begins to dread practice or competition, it's time for you as a parent to become concerned! When the sport or game becomes too serious, athletes have a ten-dency to burn out and become susceptible to repetitive performance problems. An easy rule of thumb: IF YOUR CHILD IS NOT ENJOYING WHAT HE ARE DOING NOR LOVING THE HECK OUT OF IT, INVESTIGATE!! What is going on that's preventing him from having fun? Is it the coaching? The pressure? Is it YOU??! Keep in mind that being in a highly competitive program does NOT mean that there is no room for fun. The child that continues to play long after the fun is gone will soon become a drop out statistic.

6. WHOSE GOAL IS IT? #5 leads us to a very important question! Why is your child participating in the sport? Is she doing it because she wants to, for herself, or because of you. When an athlete has problems in her sport do you talk about them as "our" problems, "our jump isn't high enough", "we're having trouble with our flip turn,” etc. Are they playing because they don't want to disappoint you, because they know how important the sport is to you? Are they playing for rewards and "bonuses" that you give out? Are their goals and aspirations YOURS or theirs? How invested are you in their success and failure? If they are com¬peting to please you or for your vicarious glory they are in it for the wrong reasons! Further, if they stay involved for you, ultimately everyone loses. It is quite normal and healthy to want your child to excel and be as successful as possible. BUT, you cannot make this happen by pressuring her with your expectations or by using guilt or bribery to keep her involved. If they have their own reasons and own goals for participating, they will be FAR more motivated to excel and therefore far more successful.

7. YOUR CHILD IS NOT HIS PERFORMANCE. LOVE HIM UNCONDITONALLY. Do NOT equate your child's self-worth and lovability with his performance. The MOST tragic and damaging mistake I see parents continually make is punishing a child for a bad performance by withdrawing emotionally from him. A child loses a race, strikes out or misses an easy shot on goal and the parent responds with disgust, anger and withdrawal of love and approval. CAUTION: Only use this strategy if you want to damage your child emotionally and ruin your relationship with him. In the 88 Olympics, when Greg Louganis needed and got a perfect l0 on his last dive to overtake the Chinese diver for the gold medal, his last thought before he went was, "'If I don't make it, my mother will still love me".

8. REMEMBER THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-ESTEEM IN ALL OF YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH YOUR CHILD-ATHLETE. Athletes of all ages and levels perform in DIRECT relationship to how they feel about themselves. When your child is in an athletic environment that boosts his self-esteem, he will learn faster, enjoy himself more and perform better under competitive pressure. One thing we all want as children and NEVER stop wanting is to be loved and accepted, and to have our parents feel good about what we do. This is how self-esteem gets established. When your interactions with your child make him feel good about himself, he will, in turn, learn to treat himself this very same way. This does NOT mean that you have to incongruently compliment your child for a great effort after he has just performed miserably. In this situation being empathic and sensitive to his feelings is what's called for. Self-esteem makes the world go round. Make your child feel good about himself and you've given him a gift that lasts a lifetime. Do NOT interact with your child in a way that assaults his self-esteem by degrading, embarrassing or humiliating him. If you continually put your child down or minimize his accomplishments not only will he learn to do this to himself throughout his life, but he will also repeat YOUR mistake with HIS children!

9. GIVE YOUR CHILD THE GIFT OF FAILURE. If you really want your child to be as happy and as successful as possible in everything that he does, teach him how to fail! The most successful people in and out of sports do two things differently than everyone else. FIRST, they are more willing to take risks and therefore fail more frequently. SECOND, they use their failures in a positive way as a source of motivation and feedback to improve. Our society is generally negative and teaches us that failure is bad, a cause for humiliation and embarrassment and something to be avoided at all costs. Fear of failure or humiliation causes one to be tentative and non-active. In fact, most performance blocks and poor performances are a direct result of the athlete being preoccupied with failing or messing up. You can't learn to walk without falling enough times. Each time that you fall your body gets valuable information on how to do it better. You can't be successful or have peak performances if you are concerned with losing or failing. Teach your child how to view setbacks, mistakes and risk-taking positively and you'll have given him the key to a lifetime of success. Failure is the PERFECT stepping stone to success.

10. CHALLENGE-DON'T THREATEN. Many parents directly or indirectly use guilt and threats as a way to "motivate" their child to perform better. Performance studies clearly indicate that while threats may provide short term results, the long term costs in terms of psychological health and performance are devastating. Using fear as a motivator is probably one of the worst dynamics you could set up with your child. Threats take the fun out of performance and directly lead to your child performing terribly. IMPLICIT in a threat, (do this or else!) is your OWN anxiety that you do not believe the child is capable. Communicating this lack of belief, even indirectly is further devastating to the child's performance. A challenge does not entail loss or negative consequences should the athlete fail. Further, implicit in a challenge is the empowering belief, “I think that you can do it".

11. STRESS PROCESS (skill acquisition, mastery and having fun), NOT OUTCOME. When athletes choke under pressure and perform far below their potential, a very common cause of this is a focus on the outcome of the performance, i.e. win/lose, instead of the process. In any peak performance, the athlete is totally oblivious to the outcome and instead is completely absorbed in the here and now of the actual performance. An outcome focus will almost always distract and tighten up the athlete insuring a bad performance. Furthermore focusing on the outcome, which is completely out of the athlete's control will raise his anxiety to a performance inhibiting level. So IF you TRULY want your child to win, help get his focus AWAY from how important the contest is and have him focus on the task at hand. Supportive parents de-emphasize winning and instead stress learning the skills and playing the game.

12. AVOID COMPARISONS AND RESPECT DEVELOPMENTAL DIFFERENCES. Supportive parents do not use other athletes that their child competes against to compare and thus evaluate their child's progress. Comparisons are useless, inaccurate and destructive. Each child matures differently and the process of comparison ignores significant distorting effects of developmental differences. For example, two 12 year old boys may only have their age in common! One may physically have the build and perform like a 16 year old while the other, a late developer, may have the physical size and attribute of a 9 year old. Performance comparisons can prematurely turn off otherwise talented athletes on their sport. The only value of comparisons is in teaching. If one child demonstrates proper technique, that child can be used comparatively as a model ONLY! For your child to do his very best he needs to learn to stay within himself. Worrying about how another athlete is doing interferes with him doing this.

13. TEACH YOUR CHILD TO HAVE A PERSPECTIVE ON THE SPORTS EXPERIENCE. The sports media in this country would like you to believe that sports and winning/losing are larger than life. The fact that it is just a game frequently gets lost in translation. This lack of perspective frequently trickles down to the youth sport level and young athletes often come away from competition with a dis¬torted view of themselves and how they performed. Parents need to help their children develop realistic expectations about themselves, their abilities and how they played, without robbing the child of his dreams. Swimming a lifetime best time and coming in dead last is a cause for celebration, not depression. Similarly, losing the conference championships does not mean that the sun will not rise tomorrow.

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Perspective

2011-05-03T10:17:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By John Leonard

Listening recently to a group of parents (Mom’s, specifically) discussing the challenge of dealing with the drama that gets created by their teenage girls, much of it fueled by an incomplete understanding of human interactions and artificially both “sped up” and “widespread” due to all the electronic communication tool every teenager seemingly has access to….I was struck with the “counter-points” that need to be taught to teenagers, pre-teens, young adults and related “young folk.”

Without going all “Hilary Clintonish” on you, it did strike me that it takes a combination of parents, teachers, coaches and better informed peers to work on educating our young people on this…if not “it takes a village”, it certainly takes a good number of friends.

What would constitute some of the parental/coach “talking points” that would address the self-absorbed angst of those challenging years? Here’s my personal “short list”. Please enhance it with your own.

Look at your issue within the overall context of your life. (This is called “Growing Up”.) The fact that Billy ignored you in Math Class does not mean that your life is “ruined”. Nor does Mary being mean to you in study hall rise to that level….these are MINOR distractions that you are allowing to control your emotions and your temperament. Why give ANYONE that much power over you? Don’t you want to become independent? Actually, you have a roof over your head, food to eat, your life in a great country and a family that loves you. Get some context here, people! NO BIG DEAL. Your life is actually pretty OK. (or a lot better than that.)
Recognize the marvelous stuff going on around you. Appreciate your surroundings, the talented people you are with every day and take some time to “smell the flowers”. There is far more light than dark in your life. (for most of us.)
Reach out to others. One of the tried and true ways to “feel better” is to help someone worse off than you are. Reach out, get your head out of your own problems…..and do something that helps someone else. It creates instant Perspective.
Associate with people who are positive and upbeat. Hang around with doom and gloomers, and you’ll soon become one. Look at the good side when you can, speak only with good intent, act by doing random acts of kindness and see how quickly it is returned to you. If all you do is hang out with people complaining about something, pretty soon you’ll think that’s normal and right. It isn’t. What’s right is DOING something to fix your problems.
Every problem comes with a chance for you to challenge it, and GROW. Get better, Get stronger. If it was a struggle to get food to eat, you’d soon become very creative about getting food. Stop whining and get creative about resolving your issue. Accept and learn to enjoy the challenge of life. You’ll face it every day. Better get used to it and get a good attitude.
“Chop Wood, Haul Water” – the rural Chinese say that 99% of life is the mundane task… ”Chop wood, haul water”. American TV shows life as an endless series of exciting, dynamic, thrilling ACTIONS. Not so. Most of life is mundane….interrupted by moments of sheer joy and sheer terror. Get used to your version of “Chop wood, haul water”. Learn to enjoy the rhythm and essence of your daily life and realize that without the mundane the special wouldn’t be so special. And having “special” all the time is NOT what it’s cracked up to be. (witness all the unhappy and dangerously ill Hollywood starts…….who may be living very “special” lives…..not a prescription for happiness is it?)

Unhappy teenager? Simplify your life. Turn off the electronic stuff once in awhile and get outside and experience the real world. Focus on what you can DO for others, not what they do for you. Find something you love and engage in it fully.

Parents, remember, your goal is strong, independent children. Every time you do something for them that they should do for themselves, you make them weak. Give them the opportunity to grow. It’s a great gift from Parent to Child. They need psychological tools to cope with the world. My top 6 are above. Teach them your own.

World Class Parents

2011-04-21T09:57:00.001-04:00

Parents…”So, you want to offer your child the opportunity to be a world-class athlete….”

By John Leonard

If the above sentence doesn’t scare the bejeezus out of you as a coach reading it, good for you!

The fact is, a number of parents DO, without being raging lunatics, wish to offer their child the best possible chance to be a great athlete….in the same way that they’d like to offer them the chance to attend the most prestigious University, visit the best doctors, be a world-class musician or artist, etc. etc. etc.

The key word is “OFFER”. Not “force”. Not “Make”. Offer. The issue, if you take the words “world class” out of there….is that MOST parents want to “de-limit” their children and “offer them the chance for the best opportunities in life.”. Put that way, it doesn’t sound so bad. In fact, it sounds like “most of us”.

As every coach knows, the devil is in the execution. (or the details, if you prefer.)

I was asked this question twice on a recent trip to Africa…..where the topic came up because of the perception that African children who aspire to be swimmers are considerably limited on their continent. Overall, I thought it a fair question. Here’s my answer….I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts.

#1. It’s all about the coaching. Led by the great researcher, Dr. Anders Ericsson, we know that expertise comes from 10,000 hours of focused, purposeful practice, guided by a “coach” of skill, knowledge and understanding of the learning process providing top quality feedback. So the number one task of the parent on the track of great opportunities….do your homework, research the coaches available to your child, spend time in conversation with them, reach a mutually satisfying understanding of “who is doing what” and then get out of the way, and TRUST THEM to do right with your child. You can “oversee the process” but let the coach, Coach.

That’s answer 1, 1A and 1B…..nothing else comes close in importance. Here are a few other ideas, however.

#2. It’s about RESILIANCE! Your child, all children, are going to hit some rough patches in their development. Teach them to persevere, don’t get the roadblocks out of their way FOR them, let them learn to struggle with it and overcome. Everyone gets knocked back/down. The child has to get good at getting back up…ON THEIR OWN.

“Curling parents” are those rushing down the path ahead of the child, trying to clear every obstacle out of the way for them……and never letting the child gain the satisfaction of overcoming challenges. Don’t be one.

“Helicopter parents” are those who hover over their child at every moment, so intent on making sure the child “gets it” that they become the biggest distraction to the child ever “getting it”. Go sit down. Relax. Read a paper. When the child’s done, love them, don’t make them replay every moment of practice for you. Don’t be one.

#3. It’s about personal responsibility. Make sure you teach your child that “if it’s to be, it’s up to me.” If they want to be a world class athlete, only their effort will take them there. Effort. Not talent. Tons of people have talent to achieve great things. Few do. Often because their proud parents forgot that effort is the only way to achieve. Teach effort.

#4. Be a Motivation Machine. As the great swimmer Michael Phelps was on his steady, effortful rise to the top of the swimming world, his coach Bob Bowman described Michael as a “Motivation Machine”. Something good happens, he got up the next morning with the mind-set, “I want more of that.” And he went off to practice. (not staying in bed congratulating himself..”I earned some more sleep this morning…I’ll sleep in..”) When something Bad happened, Michael got up and went to practice with the mindset “I’m NEVER letting that happen again”. (not staying in bed having a mini-pity-party.) One of the greatest things I have ever heard that separates a great individual from the rest of us….Be a Motivation Machine.

Parents, you can teach that to your child and it will be a life-gift of importance.

#5. ENJOY THE RIDE! The Chinese have a saying…”most of life is about Chop Wood, Haul Water”. Mundane tasks that are essential to our progress in life. Life is not always wildly exciting and “ fun”. Mostly, its steady mundane effort and work. So learn (both as a parent, and teach to the child…) to enjoy and be very “satisfied” with the day to day tasks that, like water impacting the rock, make up our journey towards a special result. Chop Wood, Haul Water. Learn to value and enjoy it.

Those are my top 5 recommendations. Please add your own and let me know what they are.

All the Best, John Leonard

Enough Already With Kid Gloves

2011-04-12T11:43:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By Christina Hoff Sommers

Purple is replacing red as the color of choice for teachers. Why, you may ask? It seems that educators worry that emphatic red corrections on a homework assignment or test can be stressful, demeaning — even "frightening" for a young person. The principal of Thaddeus Stevens Elementary in Pittsburgh advises teachers to use only "pleasant-feeling tones."

Major pen manufacturers appear to agree. Robert Silberman, vice president of marketing at Pilot Pen, says teachers "are trying to be positive and reinforcing rather than harsh." Michael Finn, a spokesperson for Paper Mate, approves: "This is a kinder, more gentle education system." Which color is best for children? Stephen Ahle, principal at Pacific Rim Elementary in Carlsbad, Calif., offers lavender "because it is a calming color."

A calmer, gentler grading color? Are schoolchildren really so upset by corrections in primary red? Why have teachers become so careful?

It seems that many adults today regard the children in their care as fragile hothouse flowers who require protection from even the remote possibility of frustration, disappointment or failure. The new solicitude goes far beyond blacklisting red pens. Many schools now discourage or prohibit competitive games such as tag or dodge ball. The rationale: too many hurt feelings. In May 2002, for example, the principal of Franklin Elementary School in Santa Monica, Calif., sent a newsletter to parents informing them that children could no longer play tag during the lunch recess. As she explained, "In this game, there is a 'victim' or 'It,' which creates a self-esteem issue."

Is anything OK?

Which games are deemed safe and self-affirming? The National PTA recommends a cooperative alternative to the fiercely competitive "tug of war" called "tug of peace." Some professionals in physical education advocate activities in which children compete only with themselves, such as juggling, unicycling, pogo sticking, and even "learning to ... manipulate wheelchairs with ease."

But juggling, too, poses risks.

A former member of The President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports suggests using silken scarves rather than, say, uncooperative tennis balls that lead to frustration and anxiety. "Scarves," he points out, "are soft, non-threatening, and float down slowly."

Is the kind of overprotectiveness these educators counsel really such a bad thing? Sooner or later, children will face stressful situations, disappointments and threats to their self-esteem. Why not shield them from the inevitable as long as possible? The answer is that children need challenge, excitement and competition to flourish. To treat them as combustible bundles of frayed nerves does them no favors.

Anthony Pellegrini, a professor of early childhood education at the University of Minnesota, has done careful studies on playground dynamics. I asked him what he thought of the national movement against games such as tag and dodge ball: "It is ridiculous. Even squirrels play chase."

Children who are protected from frank criticism written in "harsh" colors are gravely shortchanged. In the global economy that awaits them, young Americans will be competing with other young people from all parts of the world whose teachers do not hesitate to use red pens. What is driving the new solicitude?

Too many educators, parents and camp counselors today are obsessed with boosting the self-esteem of the children in their care. These adults not only refrain from criticizing their young charges when they perform badly, they also take pains to praise them even when they've done nothing to deserve it.

But two decades of research have failed to show a significant connection between high self-esteem and achievement, kindness, or good personal relationships. Unmerited self-esteem, on the other hand, is known to be associated with antisocial behavior — even criminality. Nevertheless, most of our national institutions and organizations that deal with children remain fixated on self-esteem.

The Girl Scouts of America recently launched a major campaign "to address the problem of low self-esteem among 8- to 14-year-old girls." (Never mind that there is no good evidence these girls suffer a self-esteem deficit.) With the help of a $2.65 million grant from Unilever (a major corporation that owns products such as Lipton and Slim Fast), its new program, "Uniquely ME!," asks girls to contemplate their own "amazing" specialness. Girls are invited to make collages celebrating themselves. They can play a getting-to-know-me game called a "Me-O-Meter."

Uniquely ridiculous

One normally thinks of the Girl Scouts as an organization that fosters self-reliance and good citizenship. Me-O-Meters? How does that promote self-reliance? And is self-absorption necessarily good for young people?

Yes, say the mental health experts at Girl Scout Research Center. The Uniquely ME! pamphlet tells its young readers, "This booklet is designed to help boost your self-esteem by celebrating YOU and your uniqueness. ... Having high self-esteem ... can help you lead a more successful life."

The authors of Uniquely ME! and the executives at Unilever who funded it should take a careful look at an article in the January issue of Scientific American that debunks the self-esteem movement. ("Exploding the Self-Esteem Myth.") The authors, four prominent academic psychologists, conclude, "We have found little to indicate that indiscriminately promoting self-esteem in today's children or adults, just for being themselves, offers society any compensatory benefits beyond the seductive pleasure it brings to those engaged in the exercise."

The good intentions or dedication of the self-esteem educators and Scout leaders are not in question. But their common sense is. With few exceptions, the nation's children are mentally and emotionally sound. They relish the challenge of high expectations. They can cope with red pens, tug of war and dodge ball. They can handle being "It."

Reprinted from USA Today. Christina Hoff Sommers is a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute. She is the co-author ofOne Nation Under Therapy: How the Helping Culture is Eroding Self-Reliance.

Setting Goals: The Parent, Coach, Athlete Relationship

2011-04-01T11:11:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

Setting goals and working toward those goals is one of the most important life skills our young swimmers learn. What are the benefits of goal setting? What is the goal setting process? What are the respective roles of parents and coaches?

In the American Swimming Coaches Association and USA Swimming’s Foundations of Coaching Course these benefits of goal setting are listed:

goals challenge swimmers, giving them something to work toward
goals direct swimmers to develop their skills
goals provide a means of evaluating a swimmer’s progress and offer opportunities for success for the athlete.

Simply put, goals give direction and meaning to the day to day workout routine.

The goal setting process begins with a review of current achievements. What are the swimmer’s best times? Next, what significant and attainable goals can be worked for over a reasonable time frame. Goals can be related to a time standard or to a competitive achievement. In general, younger swimmers should have a shorter time frame and the goals should be time based. Older swimmers may have the patience to set longer range goals that may be two, three, or four years away and often those goals are based more on a competitive result rather than a pure time.

Too often swimmer’s concentrate only on the “outcome goal” and not enough on “performance goals.” An outcome goal might be “to qualify for senior nationals in the 400 IM in the summer of 2011.” Related performance goals might include: “Increase practice attendance to 9 times per week,” ”improve my 200 breaststroke time by three seconds,” “lose 5 pounds by May 1^st by eliminating empty carbohydrate snacks,” and “increase my freestyle stroke rate from 1.3 seconds per stroke to 1.1 in the 400 IM.” Some people refer to performance goals as “objectives.”

Both outcome goals and performance goals should be specific and time framed. Specific means quantifiable – it can be measured. Time framed means there should be a target date for achieving the goal or objective. Goals should be flexible because stuff happens that we cannot predict and the course may need to be altered.

The positive role of parents is vital. The three elements of good parenting in the goal setting process are:

Parents encourage their children to set goals.
Parents ask their children what their children’s goals are. (But do not set their goals for them.)
Parent ask their children how they are progressing toward their goals – especially performance goals.
Parents provide emotional support for their children as they pursue their goals.
Parents work with and support the coach for the interest of their children.

Coaches are the primary goal facilitators. They:

Guide the swimmer to set realistic but challenging goals.
Establish a timetable, or progression for reaching the goal.
Discuss split times or other technical strategies for achieving the goal.
Remind the swimmer of the relationship between workout performance and goal times at daily practices.
Evaluate progress toward goals with the swimmer.
Create team support for individual goals.

Case Study: What can go right and what can go wrong in the parent, coach, athlete relationship?

Jennifer had just started swimming on a year around program at age 11. Previously she was a summer league swimmers and swam only 25’s and 50’s. Her summer league coach was a student and never talked to Jennifer about goals. She was a big girl and quite a bit overweight. She had some natural speed in the freestyle but very poor endurance. On the new team she improved rapidly in the 50 free from a 32.0 to a 30.8 from September to February. An “A” time and the qualifying standard for the local JO’s is a 29.89. The coach began talking to her about trying to make that time. The next week at a B meet Jennifer went a best time of 30.3 and the coach noticed Jennifer’s dad looking at his stop watch and shaking his head in d isappointment. After the swim Jennifer went directly to her dad to talk to him. Later the coach approached Jennifer’s dad and said, “I noticed you were disappointed in her swim. What were you hoping she would do?” Jennifer’s dad said he thought she should go a 28.5. That was a goal he and her had set. The coach pointed out that her 30.3 was a best time and that 28.5 was not a reasonable short term goal. Jennifer’s dad became upset and said that he didn’t need any help setting goals with his daughter. The coach became upset and said that goal setting was exclusively the role of the coach.

Mistakes by the coach: From the very start there should have been better parent education: an initial conference with the parents with one of the topics being goal setting and time standards. Some teams have a parent handbook that explains these issues. Later, the coach should have had a conference with Jennifer and together clearly identified 29.89 as a goal. He should have also talked to her about performance goals she would need to make in order to achieve her outcome goal. Some coaches work with the swimmer to fill out a goal sheet listing both performance goals and outcome goals. A copy of this sheet along with a copy of the JO qualifying times and National Time Standards can then be sent home with Jennifer for her parents. Later, in a moment after a practice or before a swimming meet the coach can have a brief chat with the parents about Jennifer’s goals.

Mistakes by the parent: Jennifer’s dad should not have helped Jennifer set such a difficult goal. His effort to have Jennifer be goal oriented was correct but his knowledge of the sport, of rates of improvement, and of Jennifer’s abilities as a swimmer were not very good and this led him to make a poor judgment. It would have been better to approach the coach and ask the coach what reasonable short term and long term goals are for his daughter.

Goal setting is one of the most profound skills we can help our children acquire. Parents who encourage their children to set goals, and who listen to the expert advice of the coach, and then cheer their children on can look forward to years of smiles.

Please refer to this article posted previously called: Helping Your Young Child Set Goals

The Praise Craze

2011-03-21T11:48:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

Children are getting too much flattery and not enough moral instruction.

By Dan Mack

Even at age 12, Chris is a skilled basketball player. He scores at will for his recreational league team -- but he doesn't get many assists, because he's a ball hog. His teammates sulk during games, waiting for passes that never come. Parents watching from courtside aren't too pleased, either, except for Chris's stepfather, Mike, whose pleasure in the boy's performance is undimmed even when a parent complains to him about Chris's selfishness. Mike later confides to the father of another player that he's not going to talk to Chris about trying to be a more generous player. His stepson has a learning disability, Mike says, "and this is the only place where he can shine."

Mike didn't know it, but he was providing grist for his interlocutor's next book. Richard Weissbourd, a psychologist at Harvard's School of Education and the Kennedy School of Government, recounts the anecdote about Chris's over solicitous stepfather in "The Parents We Mean to Be." ("The Parents We Mean to Be," By Richard Weissbourd, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 241 pages, $25) It is just one of many illustrative stories that Mr. Weissbourd has gathered over the past two decades. He and his assistants -- including two high-school students, who presumably had good rapport with other teenagers -- surveyed three Boston-area high schools, conducted focus groups, made "informal observations" of families in cities across the country, and interviewed sports coaches, teachers and mental-health professionals.

What did Mr. Weissbourd's research tell him? That nowadays "well-intentioned adults undermine children's moral and emotional development." Parents have abandoned the "moral task" of rearing children, he says, and are more concerned about fostering their happiness than their goodness. Therapeutic interaction takes precedence over moral instruction; intimacy is maintained at the cost of authority.

"Blaming peers and popular culture lets adults off the hook," Mr. Weissbourd writes. "The parent-child relationship is at the center of the development of all the most important moral qualities, including honesty, kindness, loyalty, generosity, a commitment to justice, the capacity to think through moral dilemmas, and the ability to sacrifice for important principles."

Among the trends that Mr. Weissbourd finds particularly harmful is the fixation of parents on building "self-esteem" (the "praise craze," as he calls it). A psychologist he talks to tells him that by age 12 some children have been so over praised that they regard compliments as implicit criticism: Empty flattery must be compensating for their lack of talent or be meeting a need for extra encouragement. Other children become "praise sponges," Mr. Weissbourd says. In either case, he wonders, what's so great about self-esteem? "Though some violent children have high self-esteem, the self that is being esteemed is immature, incapable of empathy."

“Children's moral development is decided by many factors, including not only media and peer influences but their genetic endowment, birth order, gender, and how these different factors interact.”

Excerpt from "The Parents We Mean to Be"

Mr. Weissbourd is also dismayed by many parents who put subtle but unrelenting pressure on their children for academic and extracurricular achievement. He talks to a 16-year-old who says that his parents make an elaborate display of saying that his getting into a "high-status school" is not important to them, that they just want him to learn and be happy. "But then they pay for SAT prep courses and expensive college counselors," the boy says. "There's already huge pressure on me to achieve." Parental hypocrisy and insincerity do not constitute moral guidance.

Mr. Weissbourd rightly identifies the praise craze and the achievement obsession as a reflection of parental status anxiety. It seems that the more successful parents are, the more likely they are to worry about their children's possible failure to live up to that success. One of the author's most arresting contentions is that the children of immigrants "fare better than their American-born counterparts" in almost every measure of mental and moral health. American-born parents would have a lot to learn from immigrants, Mr. Weissbourd insists. They are comfortable with imposing authority and discipline, and they are optimistic about their children's future.

As a psychologist, Mr. Weissbourd is at his best when he analyzes the all too familiar phenomenon of the overzealous sports parent. In a high-school cafeteria, the author sat in on a meeting between about 30 parents and a sports consultant, who was warning them about becoming over involved. A parent raised his hand and made a confession: "I remember my son's last day playing youth soccer. The game was over, and I remember standing out on the field and thinking to myself: 'What am I going to do with my life?' " The first step toward moral education for kids, Mr. Weissbourd says, is for parents to separate their own needs from their children's and to start regarding parenthood as an opportunity for their own moral growth.

Good advice. But parental self-awareness is hardly more than a baby step on the path toward producing tomorrow's productive and caring adults. Mr. Weissbourd identifies some of the more daunting barriers to healthy enculturation -- among them the breakdown of the two-parent family and the decay of standards for public and private behavior -- but he never really gets beyond superficial solutions to these vexing social problems. Urging pediatricians to encourage fathers to attend their children's check-ups, or suggesting that ministers "ask noncustodial fathers how many times they have seen their child in the last month," is unlikely to convert legions of estranged fathers into engaged parents.

The methodology employed in "The Parents We Mean to Be" similarly does not inspire confidence. We hear about Mr. Weissbourd's interviews and surveys, but the book offers few quantitative results or analyses. Much of the evidence of parental incompetence is anecdotal -- even, as with the story of ball-hogging Chris and his stepfather, based on people that Mr. Weissbourd happened to run into. His stories will no doubt resonate with many readers -- who among us has not encountered an oppressively sports-minded father or an Ivy League-obsessed mother? -- but such vignettes do not add up to a firm sociological thesis.

Mr. Weissbourd also tends to gloss over the institutional failures that have driven many parents to passionate advocacy for their children: the failure of public schools, for example, to uphold high academic and behavioral standards. The influence of the media and celebrity culture on children's mores and material expectations is also far more profound than Mr. Weissbourd would admit. And just who is ultimately responsible for the excesses of the self-esteem craze -- parents or the psychologists and educators whose books parents read for advice?

One effect of parents' over-involvement in their children's' lives has been the demise of those arenas of childhood that were once inviolably the province of children themselves: unsupervised play, neighborhood baseball games and other settings where children first exercised their moral imaginations and were forced to cope independently with their own shortcomings. Parents who lament this turn of events may welcome Lenore Skenazy's "Free-Range Kids," which, like Mr. Weissbourd's book, argues that adults should not always try to protect children from failure. (“Free-Range Kids," By Lenore Skenazy, Jossey-Bass, 225 pages, $24.95)

Ms. Skenazy, a humor columnist, believes we should give "our children the freedom we had without going nuts with worry." She lampoons safety-obsessed parents who see a threat-filled world, from metal baseball bats and raw cookie dough to Halloween-candy poisoners and kidnappers. She advises turning off the news, avoiding experts and boycotting baby knee pads "and the rest of the kiddie safety-industrial complex."

“I really think I'm someone like you: A parent who is afraid of some things (bears, cars) and less afraid of others (subways, strangers). But mostly I'm afraid that I, too, have been swept up in the impossible obsession of our era: total safety for our children every second of every day.”

Excerpt from "Free-Range Kids"

Ms. Skenazy gained a certain national notoriety after she wrote a column about allowing her 9-year-old son to ride the New York City subways by himself. Even parents fed up with our child-coddling culture might blanch at the thought of turning a third-grader loose on public transportation. But Ms. Skenazy will find plenty of supporters for her contention that, in a world where the rights of chickens to roam freely are championed, it's time to liberate the kids.

--------------------------------------------

This article appeared in the Wall Street Journal. Ms. Mack is the author of "The Assault on Parenthood" (Encounter).

Working WITH the Coach

2011-03-02T08:14:00.001-05:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

One of the most time consuming challenges a coach encounters is building a working relationship between himself, parents, and the Board of Directors. This is especially true when parents challenge the coaches' authority and ability to make coaching judgments.

From our vantage point of "hearing it from all sides" we have developed some thoughts for parents.

<> Be educated. Read all you can about swimming but remember, that there are usually many different ways to teach a skill, or plan a season, or set a race strategy, etc.. Your coach may use tactics you have not read about and are not familiar with but are never-the-less absolutely sound. Some very gifted coaches may use techniques that aren't well documented but may be a superior method. Your coach may be a pioneer! We don't think all coaches should coach using the same methods and are anxious to hear from coaches having success with new found methods.

Where do you find information? Reputable websites like www.swimmingcoach.org and www.usaswimming.org are a good place to start. There are many places on the web but keep in mind the source – look for articles by successful and respected coaches. Also, there are dozens of books and DVD’s out there written by accomplished coaches. www.GoSwim.tv and www.Championshipproductions.com are two good sources of DVD’s and Human Kinetics publishes a number of excellent books. ASCA has selected a number of DVD’s and books we feel are important and have placed them on our online store at www.swimmingcoach.org. There is also the option to join ASCA as a non-coach member and receive the ASCA Magazine, ASCA Newsletter, and the Journal of Swimming Research.

<> Think before you ask. When you are concerned about a decision made by the coach it's fair to ask for an explanation but keep in mind two things. First, ask for an explanation at the proper time, preferably after practice or after the swimming meet. It is better to wait for a quieter time and it is better to think through your questions before approaching the coach.

Secondly, it is reasonable for a coach to give an explanation by simply saying, "I had a feeling it would work best this way." It's called intuition, and it is one of the most important ways a coach makes a judgment call. Let's not take this away from coaches.

Consider relays – one of the most contentious judgment calls a coach makes. Who should be on the relay and what should the order be? There are many factors that go into setting a relay line up and the guiding philosophy of the coach might simply be that he or she "enters the relay in the best interest of the team." There should never be a specific relay policy that will prevent your coach from using his or her judgment.

For example, the "fastest four" may not be the fastest four on THAT day. The coach may have an intuitive feeling that a given individual may perform faster than the "fastest four." There are also times the coach might feel that an individual needs the psychological boost of being on the "A" relay even though they are not one of the top 4, and if the meet is not of importance, may elect to move this swimmer to the “A” relay.

The point is, it is a coaches' call. She may make a judgment based on an intuitive feeling she has or other reasoning that you do not agree with or understand but it is within her area of authority to make the call and she needs the freedom to do it without undue critical challenges.

<> View the larger picture. There are three pictures, actually. One is the larger picture of the swimmer's swimming career. Early success (i.e. medals, ribbons, high point trophies, and national age group rankings) is not a requirement to career success. In fact, many times those successful early in their careers drop out before they have the opportunity to reach their full potential.

Coaches are usually very patient with a swimmer's progress because they are able to see the larger picture. Try not to mistake a coaches' calm patience with non-caring.

Larger picture number two: "There's more to life than swimming." We're hopeful that all coaches and parents remember that the most important experiences gained in an individual's swimming career have nothing to do with flip turns or butterfly technique. Making friends, being part of a team, learning self-discipline, learning responsibility, setting goals, and working toward goals are far greater experiences than medals, ribbons, high point awards, and national rankings. (Just ask a retired swimmer!)

Larger Picture number three: The team! Remember that you and your child are part of the team and have an opportunity to contribute to team strength, team growth, and team unity.

<> Educate the coach. Does your club have a "coaching education" item in its budget? We think you should and it might be used for any or all of the following:

People Skills Seminars. In our office we regularly receive bulletins announcing various "people skills" or "management skills" seminars in the area. On your team there are surely people who receive the same kind of bulletins at work. Ask your Board to send the coach to a seminar.
Coaches' clinics. There are many throughout the year and throughout the country. The ASCA World Coaches Clinic is the largest with over 1000 coaches in attendance.
Senior Nationals. If the team does not have senior national qualifiers, give the coach the option of attending the senior nationals in place of a clinic. It's a great place to receive an education.
Purchase books, magazines, and memberships for the coach. All of these things are an investment in your team's greatest asset, the coach.

<> Recognize the coaches' experience and education. Your children are precious and turning them over to a coach, who oftentimes is a young coach, is sometimes unsettling. Coaches, however, have hours upon hours of experience working with young swimmers just like your child and will try to make their best judgments in the best interest of your child's long term swimming development. In addition, we're hopeful that your coach has attended clinics, frequently exchanges information with other coaches, and is involved with the ASCA certification and home study program.

<> Try not to take it personally. All parents want to see their children be successful, however some parents get emotionally involved in their children's successes and setbacks. Sometimes they love to win through their children, and they hate to lose. Let the child own their successes and failures while you are there simply to congratulate or console..

<> Be aware of the overzealous, know-it-all, win at all costs, swim parent. Unfortunately there are some parents who continually challenge the judgment of the coach. Frequently their opinions are based upon emotion, limited experience, and limited knowledge. Their motives are rarely in the interest of the team. They oftentimes try to gather support to change decisions and can wreck serious havoc in a program. What you can do is support the coach and Board of Directors, and try to educate the parent. One of the greatest untapped resources for parent education are the parents of children who have been through the age group program.

<> Remember all the different people a coach must work with. Be sensitive to the fact that a coach is under tremendous pressure to please as many people as possible while making decisions he knows not everyone will be happy about. A little support from a friendly parent can make a coaches’ job far more pleasant than if he feels he is always alone.

Or not. Here is the time-saving, near effortless, and low stress alternative for all of the above: simply look for your child to be happy and improving. Entrust the coach with the technical details. Accept the success and setbacks in stride. Provide emotional support for your child. Volunteer for team meets or other activities. And on your car pool day if you get stuck at practice, take a good book, and look up once in a while at your lovely child getting a great workout.

HOW PARENTS AFFECT SUCCESS: AN ATHLETES PERSPECTIVE

2011-02-14T06:16:00.000-05:00

A coach in Texas recently shared an exercise her swimmers completed and then shared with their parents. The exercise shows, from a swimmer’s perspective, how parents and the actions of parents can affect the athlete’s success.

Swimmers were asked to sit down and write out things that they love swim parents do, and things that they wish swim parents wouldn’t do. All answers were written anonymously so no one would know who wrote what. This allowed the swimmer to answer the questions openly.

According to the coach, the swimmers really enjoyed getting to do this; they loved the idea of being able to show their appreciation for the great things parents do for them and the things they feel could help parents of the team become better swim parents.

The results were then shared with the parents via a letter from all of the swimmers in the group. Here are the results…notice the differences between the younger and older swimmers.

11-13 YEAR OLD SWIMMERS (AGE GROUP III PRACTICE GROUP)

Things they love and appreciate:

When my parents encourage and support me even after a swim that I did not drop time.
When my parents tell me to not worry about my event, just go out and have fun.
How my parents prepare for my meets: Drive me there, take time off to go to meet, bring healthy food.
When my parents accept that even though I added time, I still tried my best.
When my parents don’t put pressure on me.
I like when my parents aren’t among the many parents screaming really loud at the children.
When I race he tells me to swim my own race and doesn’t tell me what he thinks I need to do.
I like how my parents encourage me to do well and encourage my swimming.
I like it when my parents tell me they are proud of me.
I like when my parents tell me I love you no matter what happens.

Things they don’t like:

I don’t like it when other parents and my parents compare me to the other swimmers.
I hate when parents yell at their kids for adding.
I hate when my parents take things away from me when I add time at a meet.
I don’t like it when my parents make me cry about my swims.
I hate when my parents get mad when I add time.
I dislike when my parents think I didn’t try my best.
I dislike how my parents tell me things that I did wrong.
I hate when my parents try to fix my stroke technique and try to tell me how to swim.
I don’t like when my parents yell “go” too loud and make others look.
I don’t like when my parents always think I should drop time in every event.
I don’t like when parents don’t congratulate their kids, only tells them something they did bad.
I don’t like when my parents give suggestions repeatedly and they are not what my coach wants me to do.

12-14 YEAR OLD SWIMMERS (PRE-SENIOR II PRACTICE GROUP)

Things they love and appreciate:

I like that my parents really enjoy the sport of swimming.
I like that you take the time out of your day to take me to practice and meets.
I like that you spend money on something I can have a future in.
I like that my parents don’t put pressure on me.
I like how my parents support/care for me no matter what.
I like when they make me feel better when I add time.
I love that my parents want me to be my best.
I love when my parents don’t coach me.

Things they don’t like:

I dislike that my parents are never satisfied with my swims.
I don’t like when they don’t understand you just don’t drop every meet, even if my strokes look better.
I dislike when they doubt my commitment.
I dislike when my parents say I did badly; I am disappointed enough in myself already.
I hate that my parents don’t realize how hard I work to keep them happy.
I hate when my parents only look at how well I do in my meets and not in practice.
I hate that my parents have never been a swimmer, but they try to change and put down my swimming.
I dislike when my parents get upset when I didn’t get a cut even though I dropped time.
Don’t appreciate my effort when I do well.
Don’t buy healthy food for meets.
I hate when my parents try to fix my strokes.
I don’t like when you try to make my goal times for me.

USA Swimming – Parent Education

"Swimming Away from Success"

2011-02-08T22:03:00.001-05:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By John Leonard

This morning i want to talk about a subject that is important to understand, and, i am sure "counter-intuitive" for parents.

The most common reaction we have as parents when our child is very successful in an event, is to want to see them swim it "right away" again in the next meet, anticipating watching our child once again shine. Its something we ALL want to see happen.

But most of the time, its the worst thing we can do.

To understand the process, lets consider why a swimmer improves:

Growth. As they get bigger and stronger, they should get faster, unless the coach really does a poor job!
Training. A well designed training program in congress with good goal setting will produce improvement. But TTT. (Things Take Time).
Technical improvements. Better strokes, better starts, better turns. Again. TTT.

So on Feb. 24, Geena Squartino drops 11 seconds in the 100 backstroke, from 1:29 to 1:18. Great swim Geena! I enter her at Division II's, "hoping against hope" that there will be another big drop of 4 seconds and she'll make JO's. (not likely, but what the heck, take a shot, right?) Two weeks later, Geena has a very nice swim, but turns her head three times in the last five yards looking for the wall, and goes 9 tenths of second slower. THATs NATURAL! Nothing she nor i should not expect.

She didn't grow much in those two weeks.......(Gee, no, really?)\
Two weeks of training didn't help her much. TTT.
Her coach, (me) didn't have enough time to help her make any real technical improvements. TTT.

Geena understood and handled it well. Mom and Dad handled it well. Coach John sort of handled it well, but grumped at himself a little bit about being dumb enough to hope she'd drop another 4 seconds!

So what is the lesson here? Counter-intuitively, when a swimmer has a good sized drop, we "swim away from success" and concentrate on other areas that are more "ready for improvement"....in this case, the freestyle (nice meet, Geena) and NEXT, in the early spring we'll concentrate on her breaststroke and butterfly which can use lots of improvement. Meanwhile, we'll continue to train in free and back and work on the technical aspects of those events. By the time she returns to those in a meet in later spring, she'll once again be ready to improve! That's the best, non-frustrating, continual improvement strategy for long term career success! Keep developing everything and "train and compete away from success" and always remember TTT (Things Take Time.)

In two weeks Geena has JO's. We'll concentrate on better breathing patterns, better kicking and faster turns, and be very happy if she has a small improvement at JO's!

Thanks Geena for letting me use this as a great learning reminder! Parents, all the best, and thank you for allowing me to coach your children! JL.

“I Went To The Results Board To See How I Did…”

2011-01-26T08:00:00.001-05:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By John Leonard

It was a great teachable moment. Out of the mouths of young people come things that “set up” the coach for an opportunity to do some great education. When an athlete came over to me and started with the sentence at the top of the page, here was my response.

“Really? You didn’t already know how you did?”

“Well, I was sixth the 100 fly and 5^th in the 100 back and….”

“ No, really , you didn’t already know how you did?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, what did you do incorrectly in the 100 fly and what do you need to do to improve?”

“You said I have to keep my hips up on the back 50 and make sure I keep breathing every second stroke…”

“and so….??”

“Huh?”

“and so, THAT is “how you did”. Not the place. The place means nothing. I can take you to plenty of swim meets where you can finish first….and can take you to even more where you’ll finish dead last……where you finish depends on what others have done, not on how you have done…..You need to measure two things…your time versus your best time (which is you against the previous best you) and how you did compared to the assignment I gave you before you headed for the starting blocks. How was your time?”

“Well, I don’t know, I never swam long course before.”

“Of course you haven’t, so now you have a time to measure yourself against…congratulations. And do you need a results board to tell you how you did?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Don’t guess. Know that you don’t. If you go to the blocks with clear goals, you know how you did without anyone else needing to tell you. You can evaluate the race for yourself, and “know how you did”.

“So what is the race for?”

“Two things…first, it’s always easier (and more fun) to swim fast when you are racing someone next to you. And second, as you mature, there is a purpose to “winning races”, but in the developmental stage, it’s a terrible way to evaluate yourself…….racing is stimulation, not measurement of you as an athlete, a learner, a person….anything…..Enjoy the race, but measure against your own best self.”

Please everyone take that lesson to heart and mind.

All the Best, Coach John

Where Should Fast Age Group Swimmers Train?

2011-01-17T22:20:00.001-05:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

”My ten years old son is the fastest swimmer in his group and he can also beat several of the senior swimmers… shouldn’t he be training in the senior swimming group?”

Answered by: Rick Klatt, ASCA Level 5 Coach

There are three goals I have for age group swimmers on my team who will eventually make the transition to senior swimming. They are:

They love swimming and look forward to practice sessions.
They have a sound foundation of correct stroke mechanics.
They know how to generate speed over short distances.

I think an age group coach needs to be very flexible and very innovative in designing a training program for age group swimmers that keeps their interest and is considered fun. I encourage my age group coaches to include lots of dry land games to build coordination and aerobic fitness. I also encourage the coaches to provide challenging training sessions that are short and to the point. Every training session must include fundamental stroke work and some emphasis on fast swimming over short distances.

There are dangers associated with having younger swimmers training in the senior group. Although training with the older group may produce rapid improvements, it could harm your child’s swimming career in the long run. Training longer and harder produces stress at his age. He could lose interest in the sport. This sometimes is hard to do when he is with swimmers that are mentally and physically more mature. Socially, he may become outcast because of his youth and the training may be more than his body is accustomed to. It is very easy for a swimmer to lose interest in the sport when he is not enjoying himself. His self-image can deteriorate easily if not given the proper amount of attention.

It is also important to let a swimmer gradually learn and improve. If he starts swimming in the senior group at 10 years old, the program can become very stale for him by the time he reaches high school.

In our program, a swimmer will normally move into the senior group when he or she is 13 or 14 years old. I feel I can be more successful at helping the swimmers if:

The swimmer has a positive attitude and has the desire to come practice.
The swimmer has a good technical background on stroke techniques so that short reminders to him of his already formulated good habits is generally sufficient.
The swimmer knows how to generate speed over a short distance. At this point we can begin the training that will be required to maintain that speed for a longer distance.

Age group swimmers should be allowed to develop slowly and have fun. By training with swimmers his age, he will be able to interact with friends and develop close bonds with his peers. He can contribute to the team by being a role model and will create a strong self-image as well as being a good leader for his group.

Parents' Commitment

2010-12-30T05:12:00.001-05:00

Posted by Glenn Mills on Apr 17, 2003 07:10AM (2,136 views)

I recently had a chance to talk with an old coaching friend. He expressed frustration with the level of commitment on his team - missed practices, lack of motivation during training, unwillingness to give up leisure activities to spend more time training. There once was a time when I believed a swimmer's success depended solely on the swimmer's level of commitment. During our conversation, however, my friend and I both realized that it's not so much the swimmer as the parent who determines the level of commitment - and thus has a tremendous impact on the success of the athlete. It's taken some soul searching (and maybe the fact that I'm the father of ten-year-old twins) for me to change my thinking.

When I was a young age-group swimmer, my Dad would wake me up each morning, rain or shine, with singing. I'd struggle out of bed at 5:00 am, drag my feet down the hallway to the kitchen, and there would be my Dad, waiting for me with a big smile and a hot bowl of oatmeal. He would already have his things gathered up for work, and he would already have my books and papers gathered up for school, so all we had to do was eat, get in the car, and drive to morning practice. After school, my Mom would pick me up and take me to high-school swim practice, then drive me to the Nautilus Club to lift weights until it was time for her to drive me to my USS (it was called AAU back then) practice at night. Three swim practices and a weight-room session, and this was BEFORE my serious training in Cincinnati started. This schedule was BEFORE my Mom and I got a townhouse in Cincinnati, and my Dad drove down from Cleveland, 275 miles each way, every weekend for the final two years of my high-school career, so that I could train with a better team. THAT was commitment. I can see that now, as a parent. At the time, however, I thought the commitment came from me. I was, after all, the one who was doing all the laps. I was, after all, the one who had declared, after watching David Wilke take the podium after winning the 200 Breast at the 1976 Olympics, "I'm going to do that some day."

My Mom just happens to be visiting right now, and through conversations about her and Dad, I'm starting to realize something. The real commitment came from them. It's just that, as a kid, I got used to having the world revolve around ME. I think it's called an Id thing. And I think I didn't start to get over it until I became a parent. Even now, there are huge lapses in my ability to see beyond my own needs and my own person. Although my kids are only 10, I find myself not nearly so excited as I should be when it's time to take them to lacrosse, softball, soccer, basketball, music class, Spanish class, and the occasional swim lesson (by me, of course). I get a flow of work going, then here they come again. Can I help with their homework? You've got a project due WHEN??? (Usually tomorrow.) There's a field trip, Dad, can you go? Dad, can so-and-so come over? The schedules, the travel, the juggling seem like they'll never end.

People ask me why I don't compete in Masters swimming. I can come up with many excuses, but the truth is that there just isn't time for me to compete. My weekends are usually filled with basketball, lacrosse, softball, soccer, running races, or - finally - just a weekend off. For me to consider missing even one of my son's running races, or even one of my daughter's basketball games - for a Masters swim meet - is just plain silly. I swam for almost 20 years as a competitor. I had my time. My parents sacrificed for me, and I'll do the same for my kids. After all, don't I owe them that?

What I'm trying to say is that so many of us talk a good game. I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect, but there are others who are guilty as well, so I'm not in this alone. We talk about how hard we worked as kids. How tough it was for us. Then, when we really think about it, and open our eyes, we realize we weren't in it alone. Our parents (or some other mentoring adult) were there with us. I remember how hard it was training my last two years of high school. We swam 20,000 meters a day, six days a week. I was always sore, always tired, always grumpy. If my dinner wasn't ready when I walked in, well, then - my Mom heard about it. How dare she make me wait? Didn't she know what I was going through? Parents just don't understand, I would think.

Only now, as a parent of 10-year-old twins, do I begin to realize that for kids to succeed in sports, the true commitment has to come from the parents. I realize that all kids are a bit selfish - that's just the way it is. Their world is still so small, and still revolves ONLY around them. I know there was some psychologist who came up with a theory about this a long time ago, but it always takes me a while to catch on. As parents, we have to understand that the world doesn't revolve around us, and we have to show our commitment to our children. Teach them to follow through on commitments they've made. If they've joined a team, and have agreed to be part of a certain training group, then they must live up to the commitment level of that group. This is something that should be agreed on by the coach, swimmer, and parent. Especially if the parent will be the one responsible for getting that athlete to the venue. If the parent cannot live up to the level of commitment needed for their child to stay within a particular group, then the child shouldn't be placed IN that group. You can see how this looks to the coach. A 13-year-old swimmer misses 2 out of 6 practices for the week, and the coach assumes the level of commitment from the kid just isn't there. But perhaps the truth is that the commitment of the parent just isn't there. How is a 13-year-old supposed to GET to the pool? The parent. Whether it's making arrangements for rides, or taking them even when they have something else they'd rather do, the parent has to step up. Or - move the swimmer to a group with a lower level of commitment.

I used to have goal meetings with my swimmers at the beginning of each season. I asked them to commit to a number of practices. Then I held them to their commitment. As a coach, it's wrong for me to project my level of commitment onto them. I'll be there every day. That's my job. And it's my job to inspire them to want to be there, practice after practice. But I can't determine or dictate their level of commitment. What I realize now is that I probably should have had each swimmer's parents at the same goal-setting meeting - or advised parents and swimmer to talk things over together before they met with me. Kids can have one level of commitment, but if their parents aren't on the same wavelength, then everyone - swimmer, parents, and coach - will be frustrated when expectations and goals aren't met.

Because most age-group swimmers need their parents to get them to and from the pool, parent's need to become an integral part of each season's goal planning. The parents can help in determining the initial level of commitment, and then hold the swimmer to that level for the set period of time. In other words, if the coach, swimmer, and parent all agree on the level of commitment, the parent becomes the cog. The parent will ultimately be the one who determines whether or not that child makes it to practice. The parent will determine what is more important on that day - the test coming up in school for which the swimmer is unprepared, the party that the parent wants to attend that night, or swim practice.

Simply put to the parents who read this: The FIRST person to consult when setting the "level of commitment" is the swimmer. If he or she desires MORE, then try to give them more. Once the question of the swimmer's intentions are answered, then talk to the coach about how to best serve this level of commitment. Then look inside yourself and be honest about your level of commitment. Can you follow through? If not, then be honest about it, and either find a way to solve the issue, or start over with the swimmer and the coach, and figure out the next best scenario. We all start out with a "wish list" and work back from there. Swimming is no different.

I'll give one illustration from a coach's viewpoint. Many years ago I had a swimmer who just missed qualifying for a championship meet while other team members made it. This swimmer spoke of his determination to qualify for that meet the next year. I discussed with the swimmer the exact training regimen that the other team members had used and showed this swimmer what it would take to guarantee success. (Sure, I was going out on a limb, but it also puts pressure on me as a coach.) The swimmer agreed, and we started planning the training routine. Within 30 minutes, I was met with, "Well, I can't make that. I'm going on vacation." I quickly said, and I remember this distinctly, "Then you really don't want to qualify for that meet." The look of shock on the swimmer's face was something I'll never forget. How could I question his level of commitment? I had just explained that commitment is about choices. The athlete had the choice to commit fully, or partially. Really long story short... the swimmer didn't live up to the reality of the commitment, and didn't qualify for the meet. But from what I heard, the vacation was wonderful. End result: The swimmer was sad, the coach was sad, the parents were sad. All could have been avoided had the swimmer's wish or goal not exceeded the level of commitment needed to achieve that wish.

So, we all have a lot of work to do for our children. As parents, get involved and understand it is YOU who allows for the follow through on the level of commitment our children want to give. It is YOU who must hold them to that level of commitment. Even if their level of commitment varies throughout the season (you'll see it drop during really hard training sessions, and rise way up during taper), you must hold them to their commitment. If you can do this, everyone will be happier at the end of the season, knowing that they gave their best effort. Good luck to everyone - swimmers, parents, and coaches.

Parents’ Commitment – Originally published www.goswim.tv

On Praising Your Children

2010-11-02T09:56:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

How often do you think about the amount of and type of praise you offer your child? The wrong kind of praise, or praise used too frequently or infrequently can cause difficulties. Sometimes we think that it is not possible to over praise a child because constant praise will build a child's self esteem. However, there is a real world for the child outside of the home and a child's peers may not always be as praise giving as his or her parents. Other children are usually quite truthful and blunt about the feats of their peers. A child constantly praised at home may feel themselves placed on a pedestal only to be knocked off outside the home.

In a recent article in "Parents Magazine", educational consultant Fredelle Maynard listed the dos and don'ts of praise. First the don'ts: [We’ve added swimming appropriate examples.]

Don't praise by comparison ("You're the best swimmer on the team"). It may encourage unnecessary competition or fear of failing next time.
Don't praise constantly. If everything a child does is terrific, wonderful, the best, you will run out of superlatives and the child will become blasé about applause.
Don't praise indiscriminately. Children who are veteran meet swimmers know when a swim is good or bad. Parental ecstasies over mediocre performance can either make children cynical or cause them to feel like frauds.
Don't praise so extravagantly that children feel pressure to go on shining. Over enthusiastic applause destroys a good motive for activity (to please oneself) and substitutes a poor one (to please parents).
Don't use sarcastic or "backhanded" praise. "Well, you did all flip turns for a change." "You touched with two hands! I can't believe it."

The best praise to use is encouragement. Encouragement helps build a child's confidence and autonomy while improper praise can be more manipulative, emphasizing what the adult wants. Encouragement allows the child to "own" their accomplishments and to find within themselves the strength and desire to do their best. The following are Maynard's dos:

Do be specific. Instead of using words that evaluate ("What a great swim"), describe in concrete terms what you see: "You kept your elbows nice and high during that swim."
Do describe the behavior and its consequences. For example, "Thanks for getting dressed and out of the locker room so quickly. Now we have more time to go shopping for the new goggles you need."
Do focus on the child's effort, not the product. "You practiced hard for this swim meet and it really paid off."
Do point out how your child has progressed. "A 200 IM! You couldn't have done that last year!"

Do give control back to the child. Let the child do the evaluating. Rather than say, "I'm so proud of you," say, "You must feel good that you did all backstroke turns." Try simply asking, “How do you feel about your swim?” and respond accordingly – giving encouragement when they feel disappointed (but never false praise), and joining them in their enthusiasm if they feel really happy.

Consider giving praise at different levels. “That looked like a better swim.” “I thought that was a good job, what do you think?” “That was your best job so far!” Better, good, best. Avoid over using such superlatives as “Perfect,” “Great,” “Excellent” which leave little room for improvement.

To sum it all up, catch them doing things right and set them up for continued improvements.

Which Events Should Your Child Swim?

2010-10-26T14:01:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

Issue: My 12 year old will be aging up before the end of the season and she needs every opportunity to make AAA times in her best events before then. The coach, however, seems to have different ideas about the meets we attend and the events she swims. I do not like the way the coach selects my child's meet and event schedule.

Response: Rule number one for any concern regarding decisions made by the coach is to communicate directly with the coach at your earliest opportunity. The coach may mention one or more of the following considerations:

Age group swimmers should have an opportunity to experience all the official events for their age group. In fact, many coaches would make a case for having intermediate to advanced age group swimmers also swim 200's of back, breast, and fly, as well as the 400 IM and distance freestyles. BUT, there needs to be a balance found between the time and expense of driving to too many meets versus the larger objectives of a good age group program. See numbers 2, 3, and 4 below.
Achievement should be viewed as career long and not dependent on a mid-season peak in coordination with a last meet effort before aging up. A major push at end of an age group often leads to a letdown than can occur when the child ages up. This discourages the steady and consistent progress that most coaches encourage in age group swimming. Coaches plan careers around seasonal planning, not around birthdays. The primary focus should be on preparing swimmers for the senior team and a secondary focus would be on end of season meets.
A combined and unified team effort for end of the season meets is more important than allowing individual swimmers to "peak" for mid-season meets in order to achieve time standards or rankings.
The coach is the technical expert of the team and the one with the best perspective for event selection. Event selection often times deliberately includes the swimmer’s weakest events as a challenge, as an evaluation tool, as a change of focus, and/or as preparation for future events. Frankly, parents and age group swimmers will not often choose events that offer difficult challenges, change the points of focus, or prepare the swimmer in a tactical way for future events. This is a technical matter and best left to the technical expert – the coach.

Here are a few examples: Distance oriented swimmers may be asked to swim sprint events in order to work on their speed. (If the swimmer’s best time in the 100 meter free is 1:13 and they are trying to break 5 minutes in the 400 meter swim then they need the ability to go in 1:13 to 1:14 in the 400 and swimming the 100 gives them a chance to work on their “going out speed.”)

A swimmer who has been a good butterflyer for the last couple of years and has begun to be identified as a “flyer” by herself and friends and possibly parents, but then finds herself having difficulty improving in the fly events – perhaps due to changes in her body as she matures -- can find new motivation in the other events if given a chance to focus on something different.

One of the great core values of swimming is learning to meet difficult challenges with determination for success. A good coach may deliberately schedule every 11 and 12 year old for the 200 meter butterfly in an upcoming meet and then prepare them for it physically and mentally in practice so that they may face the challenge with some courage. It’s a great confidence builder.

…And building confidence comes not only from doing what one is good at, but from doing the uncomfortable and difficult.

Because They MUST Fail

2010-10-26T11:43:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By, Rick Boucher

Head Age Group Coach STAR Swimming (UB Amherst Site) Amherst, NY

With fifteen years of coaching in this sport of swimming, I have come to notice a few things that happen on each and every team I have ever worked with. Parents and swimmers, regardless of their location in this country, have similar issues at specific points of their swimming careers. I would love to address the “First Swim Meet” issue.

The “First Swim Meet” issue has been addressed on every team I have ever coached. Swimmers and parents are uncomfortable when it comes to attempting their first swim meet. It is an unknown for both of them. Children tend to be so upset at the thought of having to compete, that they somehow convince their parents that they should not, or can not be competing at their level. What do I think? Attend the first swim meet offered to your child regardless of how you feel about your child’s ability and how they feel about competing.

Here’s why…Every person MUST FAIL in order to become better! Think about this for a moment. Would you be where you are today in your career if you would have only succeeded? I know that I would not. Some of my greatest professional successes have come through having what I would consider a “horrible season”.

Children are afraid of swim meets because they are “scary”. A new swimmer knows they are not going to win. They know that they may get disqualified. They understand that it is going to be hard work. They become overwhelmed with the anxiety of having to step out of their “comfort zone” and actually challenge themselves to a level they never have before. PERFECT! This is what it takes to become an outstanding individual. Not just in swimming, but in life.

A ten year old child knows very little about trial and error. They understand the school system and its grading process, but outside of this, children have had very little trial and error elsewhere. If they have played in a “team sport”, then they have been judged on a “team level” and not as an “individual”. Being ranked as an individual is “scary.”

In basketball, if you don’t get the ball at a time when you can shoot, then it’s not your fault you didn’t score a point. In football, if you do your part on the field as a linesman and the quarterback’s passing is off, then it’s not your fault. There are so many other avenues to place blame and accept the defeat in a form that allows you to continue telling yourself that you played a great game. In swimming, there are none. It is all up to them. They are the ones who either make or break their performance.

This is to me, the most perfect part of the sport. It makes young athletes look at their performance at practice and reconsider if they are doing everything they can in order to become better. Swimming encourages young children and young adults to actually look at themselves and re-evaluate themselves. How wonderful is that? It’s also wonderful to hear from a child that they plan on listening better at practice because they really want to learn more about a specific stroke or race.

Failure….

Leads strong-minded children into their success.
Upsets them enough to make them take control of their own actions.

In swimming there are no guarantees. No coach can look at an athlete and say “You know what? You’re going to become a state record holder”, or “Pack your bags kiddo, ‘cause in four more years I know you’re heading to the Olympics”. Trust me, after all of the years I’ve placed into this sport, I wish I could do this. It would make life so much easier for myself, parents, and athletes.

What a coach can promise is that through hard work, dedication, commitment, perseverance and FAILING, your child can become a person who understands more about themselves than most individuals their age.

It’s taken me a long time to realize that one of the key ingredients to all of my past athletes reaching their potential is failure. All of them have failed more than they succeeded. Some failures were large, other were minor. Most children will fail, learn from their mistakes, and fail again, but with fewer mistakes and so on. The reducing of failures is their improvement, dedication, and perseverance. They should be praised for their efforts and encouraged to continue on their quest.

That’s what a coach does, they encourage young, learning athletes to strive for more and always push themselves. It is a coach’s job and duty to keep these children understanding why we strive and how great it feels to achieve.

So here’s what I have to say…

Let your child fail. Don’t encourage “failure,” but understand it. Understand that failing is a process that is needed in order to succeed. Encourage your child to step out from their “comfort zone” and challenge themselves to a level that they may not think they can attain. Why? Because once they push themselves to that new level, they may realize that they are much faster, stronger, and just plain old better they ever thought they could be.

Parents should…

Assist the coach in getting all that they can from their young athlete and properly challenging their child.
Realize that their children are afraid. It’s nerve-racking to try something new and have so many eyes on you.
Comfort their children and continually reinforce the fact that “effort” is to be praised and that “failure” is part of the process of becoming great.
Get their children involved. Drive them to the swim meet. Be their biggest cheerleader. Make sure you love them regardless of what place they take in their events.
Reinforce the fact that doing something that they’ve never done before is wonderful and the chance they have been given to challenge themselves is a blessing in disguise.

Two Paths to Success?

2010-09-20T14:34:00.001-04:00

Posted by Glenn Mills on Sep 17, 2010 01:34PM (0 views)

So here's the scenario. You have an 8-year-old swimmer and, like most 8-year olds, he/she is pretty new to the sport (even 8-year olds who've been swimming for a while are NEW to the sport). You have a decision to make... which path to go down for their future?

With every goal that we set in life, there are various paths we can take to reach those goals. Deciding which path to take can be a tricky decision, especially if you already believe that one particular way is the right way. These decisions never come without some sort of tentativeness, but once you've chosen that path, I understand how tough it is to vary from it. Part of achieving a goal is sticking directly to that goal, and not wavering.

With that said, when we're talking youth athletics, there is nothing more import than "skill development." But for some reason, swimming seems to be one of those sports where there's a belief that young swimmers should be trained in the same way as older swimmers. There's a notion that work is measured by the time, or distance someone swims, rather than by how the skill is performed. Look at other sports, specially martial arts, which encompass some of the oldest and most respected disciplines across the globe. Every martial art is taught as a step-by-step progression of skill development. Teaching takes a very logical approach to what comes first, and what comes last. I've written about this many times before, but it bears repeating, just as many things regarding swim technique are worth repeating to the swimmer.

There is skill development in baseball. First comes tee-ball, then softball, then fast-pitch softball, moving up the ranks to fast-pitch hardball. It would be silly to train an 8-year-old as if the youngster is a major leaguer, working on power and speed before setting up "how to hold the bat" or "how to throw the ball." Such training would ultimately leave that little athlete with no real future in baseball. There is simply skill development in EVERYTHING in life we do, and to rush into training prior to acquisition or "ownership" of some sort of competency prior to gaining an understanding and grasp of the skills required to achieve one's potential, is simply rushing to failure.

There is always a lifespan with any athlete, and the toughest part about reaching "retirement" rather than "quitting" is pacing the progress. Within that lifespan, with these two simple paths taken into consideration, skill development or yardage, there is limited time for one of these. Just like teaching a youngster a new language, it's widely accepted that the earlier multiple languages are incorporated into the everyday scheme, the easier it will be to make it instinctual. With that same thought process, skill development has a much more limited time frame in the lifespan of an athlete. If you don't learn the proper skills early enough, as you get older, the demands of training (yardage and fitness) become much greater, and you've more than likely already imprinted so many habits in your swimming that these habits will be tough to break. Don't believe me? Ask any triathlete who's having a difficult time with the swim. They're usually very good athletes; they've just never learned the skill set for swimming.

There is always time to get in "shape." If you're committed, it doesn't take long at all. Heck, we all know swimming is pretty much the best exercise out there, so doing it with the sole purpose of getting in shape is simple. That means the lifespan of "fitness" is MUCH longer than the "lifespan" of skill acquisition.

If you're the parent of a young swimmer, please don't mistake skill development for easy swimming. Skill development takes much more focus, concentration, and the demands of placing your arms, legs, head, and torso in JUST the right position, that fitness occurs while learning is taking place. It's actually easier to hammer back and forth with no thought of why, than it is to swim with perfect form.

Of the two paths, skill development and yardage (fitness), which do you think goes away the quickest? Do you LOSE skill once you've gained it? Do you LOSE fitness when you stop swimming? Take a look at some of the former Olympians coming out of retirement, playing around with swimming, still a bit chubby, but going VERY fast. They learned the skills, and they never went away. Heck, look at Amanda Beard... retired, married, child, back in the water for 9 months... PAN PAC TEAM! She owns the skill. It never went away.

Ask yourself an honest question if you're a parent. What gift do you want to give your young swimmer? Do you want an 8-year old with the body of Adonis (it will never happen naturally) that will vanish the second he/she stops training? Or do you want an 8-year old with skills that will last a lifetime, and who has the option of acquiring fitness whenever his/her body is truly ready to achieve something of great athletic accomplishment?

One final thought, which has always been a theory that no one, including me, has been brave enough to test.

Take two identical twin boys (or girls... makes no difference).
At 8 years old, give one of them 9 practices a week of 5,000 meters. Give the other one 6 practices a week of about 2,500 meters with a huge focus on skill development. At age 8, who wins? Obviously, the kid training 9 times a week.
At 9 years old, give the first child 10 practices a week of 5,000 meters. Give the other one 6 practices a week of about 2,500 meters with a huge focus on skill development. At 9, who wins? Again, obviously, the kid training 10 times per week.
At 10 years old, now we move to elite-level training. The first child ramps to 10 times a week of 5,000 meters. The other moves to 6 practices a week of about 2,500 meters with a huge focus on skill development. The trainer is still winning, but the gap will be closing.
We can extend this to age 11 or 12, and the swimmer who was focused on training has now hit the ceiling of training. There's simply a limit to how many workouts, and how far, one can swim. The other swimmer is going to improve because of one, simple, frequently overlooked component. MATURATION!
When those twins are 13-14-15 years old, you are left with 2 athletes. One is extremely tired, verging on burnout, frustrated by infrequent best times, and struggling to juggle his/her heavy training schedule with school, home, and social activities. The other child continues to improve because he/she kept getting bigger. Because of the improvement, the athlete may request more training sessions... just as their body is reaching a point where they're strong enough to take advantage of all that incredible skill they've HONED over the past 5 years.

One of these swimmers is now a black-belt of technique. The other is a street brawler. Who will still be swimming at 18?

This isn't to paint a picture of desperation for trainers... a few have actually made it to be very good swimmers. Among Olympians, however (and I know quite a few), the 2nd story is much more typical than the first. We all loved to swim, we all had had technique driven into us and, when the training came, we didn't like it, but we were ready for it and knew what we had to do.

Here's my personal simple, simple, simple philosophy to give someone the opportunity to be great:
Teach before train, but once they've learned the skills... TRAIN, and train HARD.

Don't rush the process. REAL training for swimming is a brutal process. As many people say... been there... done that. :)

When Sally Swims Poorly…

2010-08-16T17:23:00.001-04:00

How Mom and Dad Might Talk To Their Child at a Swim Meet

By John Leonard

Swim Meet conversation between parent and athlete can be either highly productive, or highly counter-productive. Your goal as a parent should be to contribute to a positive swim meet experience for your child. This is the same goal as shared by the coach and the athlete. It is important that all three sides of the triangle be working together on meet days, as well as the rest of the swim year.

As I travel the country talking to parents, and observing swim meets and the effects of individual athletes, a few things stand out for comment. The inter-relationship of athlete, coach and parent on the days of swim meets is one of the most important. To discuss this adequately, it is necessary to define the role of each person.

The athlete attends the meet to attempt to gain or affirm some progress that has been made in their development. This may take the form of a personal best time, or holding a stroke technique together for an entire race, or executing accurately a particular strategy for "splitting" the race, or any of a multitude of other possibilities and combinations. The role of the athlete is the active one. It is up to them to perform, and the meet day is a selected time to perform the experiment.

The role of the coach on meet day needs to be thoroughly understood. It is dependent upon how the coach has presented themselves in the athlete's swimming career. Primarily, for most coaches, they are the technical resource that a swimmer depends upon to help them improve. They also serve as a role model, and to a greater or lesser extent, as a motivator, friend, and co-author of the strategy or experiment being performed on that day.

The parent is the racing "support crew". The parent makes sure they have all their human needs attended to, and continues their parental function of supervising personal development. Their love, attention, and caring are key ingredients in creating a successful experience on race day.

Athlete, technical support, and human support. That's all it takes.

Now, back to the question of meet conversation. Lots of talk goes on at a meet, and coming and going around the meet. Let's focus on the conversations that go on around a particular swim, and see what can be learned from that item.

Sally is eleven years old, and she is about to swim the 100 yard freestyle. Sally is a pretty good little swimmer, and has a best time of 1:01.3. She'd like to go a personal best time in this event at the meet, and she and her coach have been talking all week about how Sally has to concentrate on keeping her stroke long and strong during the last 25 yards of her race. Sally knows she is supposed to stop and talk to Coach before she swims so she goes over to see her.

"Hey Kiddo, ready for the big swim?"

"Coach, I got it all under control, and I'm ready to go fast."

"What do you need to remember on this swim?"

"To keep my stroke long on the last twenty-five."

"Not just long, but...."

"long and Strong!"

"Right! Have a real good swim. Now, go get it!"

Sally blasts off, and gets out in front immediately. Mom and Dad cheer like crazy. Sally turns for home, and......

(Now, at this point let's consider two endings. We will take a look at each one.)

Sally turns for home and...... shortens her stroke bit by bit as she gets more and more tired, and struggles to the wall, with a time of 1:01.5.

Sally is disappointed, and she goes back to her coach choking back tears, and stands there, waiting for her to speak.

"Well, not quite what we wanted. How did it feel?"

"It felt awful! I was terrible! I couldn't do anything!"

"From here, it looked like you were only pushing through to your waist, and towards the end of the race maybe not even that far. Where should your hand finish?"

"At my suit line."

"And what did your arms really feel like?"

"I got all hot and my arms were burning at the end of the race."

"Do you know why that is? I think you haven't had enough good fast pace work yet. Next month, we'll work on that, and by the next meet you'll be much better!"

Sally leaves happy and feeling much less like the Ugly Duckling. Now, she heads to see Mom and Dad.

Most parents I talk to think that this is a tough time to deal with their children. It isn't! (The tough one is next.) All Mom and Dad have to do in this case, is two simple things:

First, deal with human things.

"Are you warm enough, honey?"

"Put on your warm-ups, and your towel"

"Do you need something to drink?"

Then, if all is well, STOP. Do not get into the race unless the child wants to. That is not your role. You are there to support.

But let’s say that Sally comes back and says....

"I Stunk!"

Mom and Dad say, "Stunk? Stunk means you smelled badly. All that chlorine is kind of nasty, but I wouldn't say you stunk. What do you really mean?"

After Sally has a chance to get rid of her emotional response, you should ask, "What did Coach say?"

Now is a good time to explore this. What you are trying to do, as a parent, is duplicate the same mind-set the coach is trying to re-instill. Analyze what went wrong with the experiment. You don't have the technical expertise to offer the answers that her coach does, but by asking questions that require a technical response, you shift Sally out of the emotional context. This is nothing more than an experiment that did not turn out the way Sally and her coach wanted it to. This is perfect swim parenting. You reinforce the message that the coach is sending.

If you will simply take care of the human needs, and shift the emotional disappointment to an analytical response, all will be well in Sally's world.

Handling Disappointment from the Parent’s Side

2010-08-02T17:09:00.001-04:00

One of the absolute toughest roles in the sporting experience is that of being an athlete’s parent. For the most part a parent wants only success for his/her daughter/son. The role the parent plays changes as the athlete gets older and more experienced. Imagine Michael Phelps’s Mom’s role over the years. As a swim parent you go through several levels as the swimmer grows up both chronologically and experience wise.

An 8 year old needs to be transported to practice even encouraged to go on many days. They need suits and goggles picked out and purchased. Events at meets need to be chosen and then entered (and paid for). Driving to the meet, feeding, handling the towels and all the logistics fall in your lap. In many ways all the 8 year old does is swim the race and you as parent pretty much do all the rest. The coach plays a role here but in reality probably much less of a role than she/he thinks. The overall focus here is FUN. Make swimming and racing fun and the little ones will keep coming back for more.

If a swim doesn’t turn out exactly how the swimmer wanted it to (and keep in mind that many of them have no real idea how they want it to turn out) as a parent you MUST hide your disappointment. Remind the swimmer they have lots more races and things will change for the better. For the young ones this is true beyond a doubt.
As the swimmer gets older they can start to connect the dots between effort put in to practice and results achieved in meets. They can begin to pick events they choose – not the ones you have chosen for them…remember they do the swimming. If you really think they should swim a 500 but they prefer the 100 perhaps you need to join a Masters team and enter a 500, you know, to sort of get it out of your system☺.

And remember, as they get older and start to distance themselves from you, you must still hide your disappointment when they do not perform up to their and or your levels of expectation.

Trust us on this one point if on no other. No matter what your relationship is with your swimmer, as a parent they so much want your approval, especially when things are going tough for them; and every swimmer on the planet has down cycles. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team as a sophomore. As a pro, he was trusted to take the game winning shot and failed 26 times in his career. He got over it. Your swimmer will get over his/her slow swim; they may never get over the look of disappointment on your face after a tough race. Show and give love and support and you will win another day, sooner than later. You MUST hide your disappointment.

Not long ago we were coaching at the local Junior Olympic long course meet. We observed a young man in the 15-16 age group racing the 1500 meter swim. His Dad was counting for him. After about 300 meters it was obvious – at least to the Dad by his body language – the swim was not going particularly well. At about 600 meters the volume in the Dad’s voice came up 20 or so decibels and had a decidedly critical tone to it. As the swimmer came into the turn Dad was furiously shaking the counter up and down and yelling “Kick harder, come on kick harder”. We wondered if the swimmer could read the counter since it was moving up and down pretty fast. We wondered if the swimmer could actually hear the words the Dad was yelling. We think there is a difference between a loud voice exhorting a swimmer on to glory and a loud voice yelling “commands”.

When the race concluded the Dad walked away from the end of the pool, heading down to the finish end, his head hung down dejectedly muttering to himself. One could only imagine the scene that was to become the swimmer’s next life’s chapter. The ride home gave us pause to think.

Swimming is important to our kids especially as they get older. As one gets closer to 0:00.00 the time reductions become more challenging to achieve. Olympians often go years without improving a time, rather they look for improvement in how well they swim, not merely how fast.

Our sport offers a refreshing respite from subjectivity. No one cares how good you look (though every coach worth her/his salt cares about how good you look in the water!!) they just hand out the medals based upon how fast you swam relative to the rest of the competition. And at the end of the day as a parent it is your responsibility to reward your swimmer’s effort based upon their level of accomplishment in the big view, not merely upon time. There are many swimmers who have posted a very fast time and yet the swim was not done correctly. Conversely, we have seen many excellent swims where the time was not a personal best but there was a lot to be excited about of which to be proud.

As Helen Swartz said many times in the last few months of her glorious life, “I think it is important for each of us to do the very best we can. And only we know if we are doing our best.” As most of you know, Mom’s often have the final word!

Posted by Don Swartz & Ken DeMont at 9:21 PM 0 comments Links to this post

When a Child Starts on The Swim Team as a Teenager

2010-06-28T10:43:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

“My 13 Year Old Son Has Just Started Swimming Competitively. What Are His Chances Of Succeeding Having Begun At Relatively Late Age For A Swimmer?”

Answered by: George Block, Aquatic Director of the Northside Independent School District, San Antonio, Texas.

The word “chance” reflects the disparity between possibility and probability. There is a long history of late beginning male swimmers doing very well, from George Breen to Rowdy Gaines, but the “possibility” doesn’t matter. We’re talking about your son.

First of all, he has to have certain basic physical abilities. Can he float with his lungs inflated? Can he streamline and glide when he pushes off the wall? Does he have normal strength and flexibility? Is he in good health?

You also have to find if he has some basic psychological abilities. Is he attentive? Is he a good listener? Does he follow instructions well? Will he persevere?

A little higher up the ladder, I would consider his athletic background, his extracurricular activities and his academic performance.

After this evaluation, the parent needs to work very closely with the child’s coach. The coach can tell you if your son has “talent”. Does he have the “feel” of the water? Does he learn quickly?

Finally, you must look at the team and the environment. Are swimmers performing well on the local level? The state level? Are they doing well at the Junior Nationals? Senior Nationals?

None of those things can explain the short, uncoordinated kids who try out as freshmen in high school and go on to become superstars in college. That is explained by perseverance. Coaches see perseverance beat talent every day. Perseverance in its most tangible form is “being there” and it is what changes the odds from possible to probable.

In swimmers who take up the sport “late”, the effects of training are always more “acute” (short term) than “chronic” (long term). Since your son won’t have the chronic training history of some of his teammates, he will need to train more effectively, have better attendance, and learn more from each competition than they do.

This may seem like a full order, but actually it’s great opportunity. In the long haul, the “process” is more important than “the product”. If your son decides to commit himself to excellence in competitive swimming, he will have taken a major step out of the crowd that seeks only mediocrity. He will be one of the few “committed” in an age of “dilettantes”. He will have to plan, organize and work for long term goals. He will have to arrange for the cooperation of those around him; parents, siblings, coaches, teammates, teachers, and friends. He will also have to measure his own success. Yes, your son can be successful, and, yes it will be difficult…but that is what makes it worth doing.

A Father's Example

2010-06-07T10:18:00.001-04:00

Monday, March 1, 2010

Last week, I was struck by the brilliance of American speedskater Apollo Ohno's daring tactics and last-minute heroics at the Winter Olympics' short-track speed skating events. I was even more in awe of NBC's "human interest" story on Apollo and his father. It went something like this:

Apollo was raised by his single father Yuki in Seattle. As a young speedskater, he excelled in his sport despite skipping out on training from time-to-time without the knowledge of his father. He and his father lived the crazy life of a skating family, so similar to that of many swimming families - up in the morning for practices, entire weekends spent at meets, much of the family time devoted to the sport. Apollo eventually became an elite athlete by 1998, but finished dead last at the Olympic Trials. "He could tell that I didn't give my best effort, that I gave up, and it crushed him," says a more mature Apollo now. When they returned home, Yuki took him to a remote oceanside cabin and DROPPED HIM OFF, saying "you need to decide what you want to do with your life." Heavy stuff for a teenager! Young Apollo sat in that cabin and thought, and finally EIGHT DAYS LATER, called his father and said, "this is what I want to do, I want to skate." Ohno has since become one of the most decorated Winter Olympians in history, by his own admission largely due to the path he has chosen since that day.

Hearing that story, part of me thinks Yuki must have been crazy to drop his son off and not go check on him for eight days. The lesson here is not in the details, but that Apollo's father asked him to make a commitment. After his son's last-place finish, it would have been easy for him to say, "You've reached a high level, and you did your best," even when it clearly wasn't the case. Instead, he asked his son to make a commitment, and backed it up with an equal commitment on his part. What a terrific example to sports parents everywhere who might struggle to get up early to drive their kids to morning practice, or who question whether their child needs to attend ANOTHER competition. Maybe the kid will become an Olympian, maybe he won't. But by encouraging him to make and keep a commitment and making the same one yourself, you are teaching your child a valuable lifelong lesson that won't be undone.

Republished from SWIMTELLIGENCE

Kids and Two-Career Parents

2010-06-01T10:53:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

The prototypical swimming mother, renowned for devoting herself wholly to her children's swimming careers is nearly an extinct species. With both parents working in 70% of households, the old swimming mom is now a career mom, with all the stresses and complications that brings. And that means everybody in the world of age group swimming must adjust - from coaches who will have to be more reasonable in enforcing rules on practice attendance and punctuality...to parents who must plan more thoroughly to arrange kids transportation from school or home to an afternoon practice session...to the demands the sport makes on families who must give up now-precious weekends to attend meets.

Making time for kids, jobs, and the personal needs of every family member is the greatest challenge in the two-career family. A child who feels neglected by busy parents will feel resentful. Here are some hints adapted from PARENTS magazine on how to prevent kids from feeling neglected.

It's important for kids to feel they're not competing for attention with their parents' careers. Dr. James Comer, professor of child psychology at Yale University suggests putting your child's practices, competitions, and special events on your work calendar and trying to plan work requirements around them. If one parent has a more flexible schedule than the other at particular times, that parent would take on greater responsibility for involvement in swimming activities. Whenever schedules permit, both parents should attend the kids' activities. When neither parent is available, make arrangements for the children to call on neighbors or nearby relatives.

Dr. Comer also suggests parents should be willing to receive a call at work from their children at any time. If an ethos of cooperation and teamwork evolves through honest and open communication of the reasons for both parents working, children will be unlikely to abuse the privilege. This can also be an opportunity to give children added responsibilities and a meaningful role to play in achieving family goals. Parents who actively plan for and show a clear interest in their children's activities will find that the kids, in return, respect the needs of their parents.

Above all, Dr.Comer stresses the importance of listening to the children's concerns and being willing to acknowledge the shortcomings of the situation to address the kinds of plans and cooperation needed for all family members to have their needs met.

LIFE SKILLS TRAINING EXERCISES

2010-05-20T11:26:00.001-04:00

BY AIMEE KIMBALL, PhD//SPORT PSYCHOLOGIST

Ask swimmers to identify characteristics of the best athletes. Each week pick one of these characteristics to focus on. Have a conversation with your athletes about this life skill and enforce its use throughout the week. At the end of the week, ask them how they used this life skill in the pool, in their social life, in school, or in any activity in which they are involved.

For example, if they say a “positive attitude” is a characteristic of successful athletes, spend 15 minutes talking to them and getting their thoughts on why this is so important. Throughout the week, any time someone is negative, have him turn the negative thought into something positive. At the end of the week, ask them for examples of when their positive attitudes helped them through challenging situations and if there was any time when having a negative attitude hindered their performance. This helps the swimmers understand the importance of this life skill and teaches them how to use it throughout their lives to be successful.

TEACHING LIFE SKILLS THROUGH SPORT

2010-05-20T11:25:00.001-04:00

BY AIMEE KIMBALL, PhD//SPORT PSYCHOLOGIST

The old cliché that sport doesn’t create character, it reveals it, is somewhat true. However, because of the amount of time athletes spend in athletics during their formative years, sport is at least partially responsible for shaping the character of individuals.

Because sport impacts the psychological and social development of athletes, it is imperative that athletes use sport as a means to develop skills that will enhance their characters and contribute to their eventual success outside of sport.

While there are many life skills that can be learned through sport, we can’t just assume that athletes will pick these skills up on their own. It is up to parents and coaches to teach these skills.

A “life skill” is any personal attribute or behavior that assists individuals in overcoming challenges in athletic, academic, social and other life situations. Life skills are often the intangible traits a person must possess to turn his physical ability into a successful outcome.

For example, swimmers who have perfect technique, strength and endurance will only reach their full potential if they have the necessary work ethic, mental toughness and commitment (among other life skills) to succeed.

These same swimmers may also be academically gifted, but without those same life skills, they may not be successful in school. Therefore, it is the combination of physical ability and psycho-social skills that help people to reach their potential.

A common example highlighting the importance of life skills also happens to be one of the most frustrating things for many coaches and parents – physically gifted swimmers who do not achieve the level of success they are capable of.

Parents and coaches may wrongly assume these athletes do not care, but it is more often the case that they just don’t know how to put their skill to good use.

Often these are the swimmers that experienced early success, the early maturers were stronger and taller than their peers and were able to win races without having to work at it. When their later maturing peers physically develop and catch up, the athletes with the early success often become frustrated and their confidence decreases because they think they “lost it.”

They didn’t actually “lose” their ability to swim well. They are not having continued success because they never learned what it meant to truly push their physical limits because they previously did not have to.

Coaches and parents can make sure skilled athletes develop the necessary work ethic and life skills to be successful by stressing the importance of constant improvement, rather than just winning. By focusing on what it takes to improve both time and technique, swimmers develop a sense of pride from seeing their hard work, commitment and dedication pay off. Swimmers can also be encouraged to develop their skills in a wide range of events, rather than concentrating on the ones where they always succeed.

By emphasizing these life skills and by talking about how these characteristics lead to success in and out of the pool, parents and coaches can teach athletes that success is not all about physical ability, it’s about how well they combine this ability with their attitude.

Like anything else, life skills take work to develop. While there are many life skills that can be taught through sport, it is up to the adults involved to use “teachable moments” to ensure that athletes learn these skills and develop them for success outside of sport.

How To Prevent Swimmers’ Ear

2010-05-18T14:56:00.001-04:00

Every year, when the summer months come around and the city pools become overrun with thousands of summer-league swimmers, the number of swimmers’ ear cases skyrockets proportionally. This very painful infection of the inner-ear can ruin a season, a summer, or even a swimming career if it becomes severe enough. Luckily, with diligence, swimmer’s ear can be easily prevented with about 2 minutes of care after each practice.

Swimmer’s ear is caused by water penetrating the water-resistant lining of the ear canal. This lining is usually pretty solid, but when it is wet for a long period of time, it becomes pruney and soft, much like our fingers and toes do. This makes the ear very susceptible to tearing, and once there is even a tiny tear, bacteria can get into it and cause all sorts of nasty infections.

Symptoms: People with swimmer’s ear usually complain of an itchy and/or painful ear. The pain can be quite severe. The ear is particularly sensitive to the being tugged up and down. The earwax may appear soft and white, and there may be a small amount of clear discharge.

The first step is to consider ear plugs. When fit properly, these can help keep water out of the ear. General commercial earplugs do not tend to fit great, but ask your doctor if you want to get custom made plugs. Pulling a cap down over the swimmer’s ears will help keep the earplugs in place (as well as cover them up for those kids who are shy about them!).
After practice, playing in the pool, and even baths and showers, use ear drops to dry the water out of your swimmers’ ear. Q-tips can irritate the ear canal and contribute to swimmer’s ear, so ear drops are the safest way to dry them out. Tip the swimmer’s head to one side and put a few drops in. Keep the head tilted for a minute or so to ensure it absorbs the water and bacteria, and then tip the head the other way to drain the solution. Repeat with the other ear.

These solutions can be bought at your local grocery store, or just combine 1 part water, 1 part vinegar, and 1 part rubbing alcohol. The vinegar disinfects, and the rubbing alcohol dries the ear out. Note that these drops are to be used to PREVENT swimmer’s ear, or to treat very mild cases.

FOR MORE SEVERE CASES, consult a doctor before putting anything in the child’s ear to prevent a very painful reaction. Prevention can go a long way, because once a swimmer gets an infection once, it is likely to recur frequently.

This article should not be taken as medical advice. Please consult your doctor if you have any concerns about your or your child’s health.

Moving Up: The Parent Transition

2010-05-18T09:58:00.001-04:00

swimtelligence.blogspot.com

"Moving up" is an important experience in the life of a swimmer. When a swimmer is old enough, has shown a sufficient level of commitment, and has improved his skills to a new level, he will be invited to "move up" into the next training squad. The invitation is an honor, a sign that the coaching staff believes the swimmer is ready to take his performance to new heights.

Moving up often means increases in commitment, training time, the difficulty of practices, and a new group of teammates to train with. Each of these aspects of the move-up can present challenges. Thus, the swimmer will need the support of his parents. This brings us to our topic: The Parent Transition.
When your swimmer moves from one squad to the next, you as a parent must also make a transition. These changes include:

Increasing your own level of commitment. Your swimmer will likely be expected to practice MORE OFTEN. At BWST, our squads are set up so that each squad practices for a longer duration more frequently than the squad below it. At the senior level, this means that your swimmer may now be expected to attend morning practices. This of course means that you may have to drive!
Adjusting your expectations for your swimmer's performance. Generally speaking, as swimmers get older they swim best times by smaller margins with less frequency. For instance, 10-year-old Johnny drops 6 seconds in the 100 free every meet all season long. When Johnny is 16, his goal may be to drop 3 seconds in the entire season. This may not happen immediately when a swimmer moves up, but with increased levels of training, he may be more fatigued and have a more difficult time swimming fast during the season. Rest assured, if he is working hard, the coaches are preparing him to swim faster than ever.
Being willing to travel more often and for longer distances. For younger swimmers, we often don't have to travel outside of the Potomac Valley area to find competition to challenge our swimmers. As swimmers get older and reach more elite levels in our sport (particularly the Sectional level and beyond), it will become necessary to travel further for meets. Regional and National meets are usually held in locations outside of Virginia, and we want to find new competition and faster competition to continue to challenge our swimmers. Think of the story of the Japanese koi fish. When kept in small ponds, they don't grow particularly large. When set free to larger bodies of water, they grow to much greater lengths. In order for our swimmers to become "big fish" we must expose them to the "ocean" of competition that exists outside of our Virginia pond.
Taking a step back and encouraging your swimmer to take ownership. Often, young 10 & under swimmers are motivated to swim fast in order to make their parents proud. As swimmers progress into the early teens, this motivation dries up and a swimmer must be motivated from within by his own desire to succeed. He also must learn to take responsibility for all aspects of his swimming. For instance, a 12-year-old should be packing his own swim bag, and a teenager should be waking himself up for morning practice. With increased responsibility comes increased ownership and a stronger internal drive to succeed.

Making The Parent Transition is a vital part of a swimmer's growth and development from novice to age grouper, from age grouper to senior swimmer, and from senior swimmer to elite champion.

Six No-No Phrases for the Swim Parent

2010-05-18T09:26:00.001-04:00

swimtelligence.blogspot.com 13 July 2009

Parents often ask what to say to their swimmers to help them succeed. The conversations that happen between a parent and child can have a dramatic impact in shaping a swimmer's attitudes toward swimming. The phrases below are all things coaches have heard before, and we just cringe when we hear them. Each is an example of what not to say to your swimmer.

Introducing your child to someone as "the swimmer." "This is Johnny, the swimmer." Swimming is something your child does, not who she is. Help your child cultivate his identity as a person, and encourage him to be the best he can be at swimming. Ultimately, he will better be able to weather the storms of failure and enjoy the fruits of success in swimming if his identity is not wrapped around it.
"We came all this way/spent all this money/took all this time... and you swam slow/didn't try/performed poorly." Your kid is probably already disappointed in her own performance, without adding the weight of your parental sacrifices. Understand that it is the nature of human performance that your child will not perform at his or her best at every meet or in every race. The effect of making this comment is that the next time you make a sacrifice to go to a meet, your child will feel the added pressure - possibly to the detriment of his performance.
"Good job" (When your child doesn't perform well) She knows when it was a good swim and when it was a bad one. False praise does nothing but cheapen the praise when it is actually deserved. Try "good effort" or "you'll get 'em next time" or "I love you anyway."
"WE need to get this cut, WE need to win this event, etc." How many lengths of the pool are you swimming, mom? It is your child's swim, not yours, and you should try to promote his ownership of his performance. Be his biggest fan--there to support him through good and bad--not his teammate.
"It's probably your training" (reason why you swam slow). As a parent, it is important that you buttress your child's confidence in his coach. If you have concerns about your swimmer's progress, address them with the coach. Passing your concern on to your swimmer is likely to weaken the coach-swimmer partnership.
"It's okay, you don't have to go to practice today." This one comes up when your child is tired, cranky, or is just not wanting to go to practice. It is going to happen at some point that your age grouper will have one of these days. But rather than act as enabler by caving to your swimmer's desire not to attend practice, remind him that it his swimming and his results at the end of the season that will be affected. Remind him of the commitment he has made to his team and to his own swimming. The key is to get your child to make the decision, rather than having you the parent act as the passive enabler. It's tough -- you may not want to take him to practice either, but taking this approach consistently will help your child take ownership of his performance.

Parents, any questions about effective ways to talk swimming with your kid? Let your coach know, and let's get the lines of communication open and flowing!

What is Short Course, What is Long Course?

2010-05-18T09:06:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

For years the "American Standard Short Course" pool has been a 25 yard pool. Almost all high school pools and most college pools are 25 yards long and most high school and college meets are run as short course meets. USA Swimming Club teams generally swim short course meets from September through March.

The international standard is meters. The Olympics, Pan-American Games, and World Championships are held in 50 meter pools. In this country, most 50 meter pools are outdoors due to the cost of building an indoor 50 meter pool. For that reason our long course season is generally from March through August. As more and more indoor 50 meter pools are being built and as the United States focuses more on international swimming the distinction between the "short course season" and the "long course season" becomes less distinct and more meets are going to the long course standard throughout the year -- with the exception of high school and college swimming which will generally remain short course yards.

At this time (April) many teams are training short course but are preparing to go to long course when the outdoor pool is ready. Some lucky teams are located in a climate and have access to long course pools all year around. And some lucky teams have indoor 50 meter water all year around.

Eventually we all will be at swim meets during the spring and summer that are long course. This will cause some confusion about times. The times will be slower because a 50 meter swim is approximately 5 yards longer than a 50 yard swim. Another factor are turns. There are less turns in long course swimming and generally, turns are faster than swimming -- we can push off the wall faster than we can swim. (Although for some of our swimmers who have not yet mastered a turn, the turning process is slower than swimming!)

Some people attempt to "convert" a short course time to a long course time or visa versa. The conversion factors are not precise due to differences in turns, strokes, and individual's ability to swim the extra distance at speed. Conversions can lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointments, or to a false sense of achievement. For those reasons we do not convert times. We simply say that each swimmer has two sets of best times, one for long course and one for short course.

Kids And Sport

2010-05-11T11:37:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By Ira Klein, ASCA Level 5

Recently I read an article from Sports Psychology magazine, written by Dr. David A. Feigley. He works with the Rutgers University Youth Sport Research Council. The article was entitled "Why Kids Quit" and contained interesting and useful information which I wish to share with all of you.

First, why do kids play sports?

There are three basic types of participants. Ability oriented children enjoy competition and "want to be the best". Task oriented children enjoy the activity itself and often focus on self-improvement. Social approval oriented children work to please others such as coaches, parents, and teammates. To my surprise, the author says that the evidence suggests that those who work for social approval persist the longest.

Children aged six years and younger cannot distinguish between ability and effort. They believe that when they try hard they are automatically good at what they are doing. Praise tends to be accepted positively by very young children regardless of whether the task was successfully completed or not.

Children aged seven through eleven develop the ability to differentiate between having talent and trying hard. They compare themselves with others, and if they feel they cannot succeed, they would rather not try. They find it easier to attribute failure to a deliberate lack of effort, than to admit that they lack ability.

Children from age twelve become skilled at making social comparisons and realize that expending effort is no longer a guarantee that they will succeed.

What can we do to help reduce the pressures that children feel?

Encourage enjoyment of the activity and self-improvement.
Encourage children to interpret comparisons with others solely as a tool for improving. Comparisons should be constructive and never as simple as "they are better" or "you are not as good".
Praise must be an earned reward. As children mature, they begin to value praise for successful outcomes much more than praise for trying hard. Look for specific successes.
Continually remind your children that ability often changes dramatically as they mature.

Key To Goal Setting: Parent Support

2010-04-27T11:08:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

The goal of goal setting with young swimmers is to learn how to set goals. With 10 and unders it is important that they are successful at achieving the goals that the coach and parents help them set.

Here are some questions you might ask your goal setting young swimmer.

Have you and Coach talked about your goals for the season?
What are the goals you have decided on?
Did you write them down?
What did Coach say you needed to work on in order to reach your goals?
Did you get any closer to your goals today?

What happens when he fails to meet the goal? From you, he needs unconditional support and careful guidance.

Let's consider a situation where 12 year old Bobby has a best time of 1:07.5 in the 100 free, a "B" time. He has several "B" times in other strokes but no "A" times. His coach feels that a good goal for Bobby would be to make an "A" time in the 100 free, 1:03.19. However, Bobby has set his own goal of breaking a minute in the 100 free in the final "B" meet of the season. He knows if he breaks a minute he will qualify for the Junior Olympics and gain a spot on the relay. Contributing to Bobby's desire to qualify for Junior Olympics this season is the fact that he turns 13 shortly after the meet and he knows it will take a 55.3 to qualify for the next Junior Olympics as a 13 - 14 year old. Bobby also set three other goals which fall within the coaches expectations so the coach allows Bobby this "opportunity to fail".

First, attend first to Bobby's physical needs, "Are you warm enough? Please put on your warm ups. Do you need something to drink?"
Then, do not deny him the opportunity to express his disappointment and do not minimize his feelings. You know it was a best time, and you know it was a good race, but you will not be able to MAKE him feel better by contradicting his feelings. Listen to him.
Empathize with Bobby. Say, "I know how disappointed you must be."
Allow Bobby to find the solution to his disappointment. "Why do you think you didn't make your goal?" Bobby can respond to this question in one of several different ways and your follow up will be based on that response. It is hard to generalize a conversation here, but what is important to remember is that through your questions and his responses, you want Bobby to realize that while his goal for breaking a minute is a good goal, his timetable for breaking a minute was too short and there are more things he needs to work on.
Support Coach . Ask Bobby, "What did Coach say?" "That sounds like a good idea, do you think you can do that?"

How Do Coaches Pick My Swimmer's Events?

2010-04-21T14:34:00.001-04:00

Guest editorial by Coach Ash Milad, King Aquatic Club
SEATTLE, Washington, March 3. As soon as the KING entries are posted on the website for any given meet, I am usually inundated with emails from parents of swimmers (some that swim for me and some that swim for other coaches) asking me if there is a way that events can be changed, if I really think that their swimmer is capable of handling these events, or telling me that their swimmer doesn't want to swim the 200 fly.

How do coaches pick my swimmer's events?

When coaches sit down to do their swimmers' entries they have the following in mind:

What have we been working on in practice that I would like to see translated in to racing at a meet?
Are there certain weaknesses that this swimmer has in their better event that another race might help them strengthen?
Does the swimmer have a chance of qualifying for a championship meet in a certain event?
Are there certain events that a swimmer has not swam in a long time that will allow him/her to achieve a best time and feel good about it?
Am I helping this swimmer develop their skills to become a well-rounded swimmer?
Am I helping this swimmer grow as a person and get over their fear of trying new things?

Not all of these apply to all swimmers or all decisions but in general your swimmer's events are well thought out and planned by your coach.

What have we been working on in practice that I would like to see translated in to racing at a meet?
During certain training cycles your swimmer's coach may be emphasizing a certain stroke, race, turn or other skill that we may want to see them demonstrate, try for the first time, or improve on in a racing situation. You might see all of the swimmers in a certain group swimming the same event at a given meet to achieve this goal.

Are there certain weaknesses that this swimmer has in their better event that another race might help them strengthen?
The classic example is a swimmer that has three good strokes but their IM is hampered by one really bad one. Racing the 100 of that bad stroke and getting a better feel for doing it fast may help that swimmer's IM.
Another example is a distance swimmer that doesn't take their 200 free out fast enough; racing the 50 free might help that person get a better idea of how to attack the first 50 of their 200. We know what your swimmer's strengths are; we just may want to see them continue to grow in other events especially as they are changing physically.

Does the swimmer have a chance of qualifying for a championship meet in a certain event?
If your swimmer is close to qualifying for a meet such as PNS Champs, Age-Group Sectionals, Senior Sectionals, Junior Nationals, U.S. Open or Olympic Trials, you may see them swim that event on a fairly regular basis to give them as many chances to qualify as possible. If you have questions about Time Standards you can find them on the KING Website under the team information tab.

Are there certain events that a swimmer has not swam in a long time that will allow them to achieve a best time and feel good about it?
Part of our job as coaches outside of making sure our swimmers are going fast is keeping them interested in the sport and managing their psyches. While serving as the Head Coach of the 2010 PNS All Star Team this past January, the team and I had a great opportunity to listen to USA Olympian Margaret Hoelzer speak. She told the swimmers that while in high school she did not go a best time in any of her best events. Plateaus will occur in certain events and it is our job as coaches to make sure that our swimmers are constantly given new challenges so that they can experience certain amounts of success and maintain their excitement about the sport.

Am I helping this swimmer develop their skills and become a well-rounded swimmer?
We pride ourselves at KING, especially at the 14 & under level, in making sure we train kids in all strokes to avoid having them specialize until they are older and their bodies are done developing. We train in a very IM based manner and want to make sure that the swimmers develop all four of their strokes while they are young. Our event selections have and will very much reflect that. I know I personally make a point of trying to have all of my regional swimmers swim every event at least once during the season.

Am I helping this swimmer grow as a person and get over their fear of trying new things?
Finally, and maybe most importantly, we are trying to help develop our swimmers as young people. Overcoming fears of trying new things is a great skill that they can take away from this sport and apply later in their lives. We realize that kids in general are probably going to be intimidated and nervous the first time we enter them in a 200 fly or 400 IM. Know that we have not entered them without confidence that they are ready to do it and will get something out of it. It may be just a sense of pride that they are able to complete the event, it might be gaining the realization that they are better at longer distances, or it might be even be qualifying for a meet. This is why there needs to be the trust between swimmer, coach, and parent that the coaching staff is doing what is best for each swimmer and their development as an athlete and a person.
If swimmers have apprehensions about an event they are entered in, encourage them to speak to their coach directly to understand why they are swimming the event and in order to help them develop a race strategy before the meet. This will allow the swimmer/coach to build a trusting relationship as well as help prepare the swimmers in a proper manner before trying an event for the first time.

All in all, we are trying to do our best when we select events for meets to make sure that the swimmers are improving, engaged, developing, growing and progressing at a rate that keeps them in the sport and feeling successful.

www.swimmingworldmagazine.com

Hitting the Pool, and the Books, in College

2010-04-21T10:20:00.001-04:00

Take preparatory steps to make journey a success

by: Bob Schaller, Ph.D., Senior Writer

04/16/10

So your child is all grown up.

Almost.

Headed to college, going to swim, on scholarship or not, at a Division I powerhouse or at a D-III school. Or perhaps on a club team.

Life is about to change for your pride and joy. And it’s a good thing in every way imaginable.

However, just like you helped them along the way with warm meals, encouragement and hard work, make sure you help them prepare properly for the challenge ahead. You made them meals, gave them that ride, brought them that dry towel, and that sweatshirt with the knit cap when it had turned cold and windy.

And now, all of that is on them.

High school was easy, even with the practices and everything. The school requires the kids to be there.

That won’t be the case in college. In fact, the way the structure is at some schools, the freshmen level classes are so big, no one will know if they skip class.

Point Number One: Encourage your child to go to all classes, no matter how boring, how inane, or how hard the teacher is to understand or get a read on. Fact is, if a student goes to class and sits up front, statistics show they are far, far more likely to get an A or B than others. Plus, professors notoriously throw out test answers during lectures. Go to class, above all, go to every class. Taking notes in class is important, because it shows what the focus is going to be on tests, even which parts of the reading can be skimmed over – or paid less attention to.

Point Number Two: Get all the homework done – on time. This is pretty easy, because in a lot of classes, they will have only two or three tests plus a final. So don’t get behind. Staying up to date on readings keeps the workload from becoming insurmountable as finals approach. Just get it done. Read during lunch.

Point Number Three: Check out the teacher’s rating to get a grasp – but don’t take it as gospel. Most of these are available internally once your child is enrolled, allowing them to see grade disbursements and instructor evaluations. A lot of the online ratings can be helpful, but those can also be used as axes to grind by students who did not do homework or didn’t show up to class.

Point Number Four: This one is highly personal. Be wary of “testing” out of classes. One student who tested out of math in high school got to biomechanics her senior year and had no clue on college Algebra or stats, but because she got the minimal grade on the Advanced Placement test in high school, was able to test out of math. As a rule of thumb, use this: Only test out of non-foundational classes. If a student is going to take intermediate macro theory, for example, they should take the intro class (or classes, micro and macro) at college, not test out of them. If they are a science major, they should not test out of any math or science. If, for example – and this varies by major, and interest – they are being held back by a humanities requirement and plan to take no upper-division classes in a particular area, then perhaps consider testing out, but only as long as that is the terminal class level in that subject. If there is concern about the student adapting to the workload in college, do what I did: Have your child take a class in summer term at the local community college. They will get a small class size and great instruction, and will knock out a required class (make sure of this through both the junior college and the one they are enrolling at that fall). Community college credits are very inexpensive for residents compared to four-year schools, so this is a great way to go.

Point Number Five: Make the most of the resources. Your child will have the opportunity to attend study halls, receive tutoring and even to take tests from remote sites. Make the most of EVERY single resource. They are all legal, paid for, and there to help your child graduate on time. By the time students start asking for help, the slide has usually begun. Have them start out using all the help available, and as their academic skulls harden and they get their intellectual arms around the task at hand, peel back the help to only what they need once they’re sure they are fine each term.

Point Number Six: The final point is to divide the workload up once they start their freshman years (they will get help on this from advisors). Students, especially student-athletes, do not want more than one “writing intensive” class in one semester (a writing intensive class requires about 25 pages of papers). Also, the science classes, which are usually worth four credits because of labs, can be tough if taking more than one. Take that freshman comp with one math class. Be aware, though, that getting core requirements out of the way is the most important thing, because depending on the major (and required minor), the number of electives students can take is often a very small number.

These points would probably be important for any student. But for a swimmer, and any other student-athlete, time is literally a commodity. Even students who work 20 hours a week don’t have the travel and workout – and exhaustion – factors to deal with that student-athletes do. So while you prepare to let go, take a deep breath and help plan that first term. They are diving in the deep end, so they need some direction.

But they’re swimmers.

So they’ll be just fine.

www.swimnetwork.com

Playing Favorites

2010-04-20T09:07:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

One day a few years ago, a club board member accused me of “having favorites” on our club team. Several other parent board members nodded their heads in agreement The implication was that this was a terrible sin. When I was a younger coach, I thought it was terrible also. And he was right. I did have favorites. My favorites were those athletes who most fervently did what I asked of them. Those that did, I gave more attention to. I talked to them more. I spent more time teaching them. I also expected more of them.

The implication that he was making was that my favorites got better than the others because they were my favorites, and that was somehow unfair. He mistook cause for effect.

The fact is, that the athletes who came to me ready to learn, ready to listen, ready to act on what they learned and try it my way, even if it was more challenging, more difficult than they imagined, were ready to get more out of our program. And they were my favorites.

As a coach, I have only one thing to offer to an athlete. That is, my attention. Which means that I attend to their needs. The reward for good behavior should be attention . . . attending to their needs. The consequence of inattention, lack of effort, unwillingness or unreadiness to learn or just plain offensive or disruptive behavior is my inattention to that athlete.

How could it be other than this? If you have three children, and you spend all of your time and energy work working with the one that is badly behaved, what does that tell your other two children? It tells them that to capture your attention, they should behave badly. What we reward, is what we get.

As a coach, I want athletes who are eager to learn eager to experiment to improve, eager to work hard. I want athletes who come to me to help develop their skills both mental and physical, and are willing to accept what I have to offer. Otherwise, why have they come to me. And I am going to reward that athlete with my attention. In so doing, I encourage others to become like the athlete above. If I spent my time with the unwilling, the slothful, the disruptive, I would only be encouraging that behavior.

The link I want to forge is between attention and excellence. Excellence in the sense of achieving all that is possible, and desired. My way of forging that, is to provide my attention to those who “attend” to me. This does of course result in increased performance for those that do so. I am a professional coach, and when I pay attention to a person, that person is going to improve. Over time, this makes it appear that my “favorites” are the better swimmers. Not so at all. The better swimmers are those that pay attention, and thus become my favorites.

What Dad didn’t realize is that you must have favorites if anyone is to develop in a positive fashion. The coach’s job is to reward those who exhibit positive developmental behaviors. Those are my “favorites,” and they should be.

Dealing with Nerves

2010-04-20T08:55:00.001-04:00

We know that excessive anxiety can be damaging to both performance and to the athlete's desire to enter such situations in the future. Two factors which have been found to play a role in the level of anxiety experienced are the importance of the event and the uncertainly of the outcome. Greater importance and greater uncertainty lead to increased anxiety. Parents, this suggests that you can play an active role in reducing competition anxiety by de-valuing the outcome of the event and by focusing on the individual performance over which the athletes have control.

Research has shown that children can learn emotional control strategies, ways of managing stress, positive thinking, and use of imagery to enhance their performance. Remember, children are not miniature adults, so the tactics must be adapted. They also must be practiced well in advance, not just the night before the competition!

Let’s take the example of teaching a very young child athlete to relax. A common technique for teaching adult athletes to relax is progressive muscle relaxation--to teach them to systematically tense various muscles groups and then relax them. When learned this allows the athlete to identify what it feels like to be relaxed versus tensed and how to relax on command. When we do this with very young child athletes we need to instruct them in terms they can understand. It must also be fun. Hence, instead of saying “feel the tension leave your leg” one might say let your leg go from being hard like a rock to “feeling like a warm piece of spaghetti” or turn your stomach from steel to “soft Jell-O”.

We also need to make things concrete when working with younger athletes. For example, when teaching them to control their thoughts a common technique is to have the youngster envision a television channel changer and practice switching from a negative or frustrating channel (negative thoughts) to a more positive one (positive thoughts).

www.usaswimming.org

Stunned, Shammed, Thankful, and Finally… Helpful

2010-04-19T14:23:00.001-04:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

[Editors note: a letter from a club’s newsletter]

My Fellow Parents:

The word “ignoramus “ comes to mind, but then I realized I wasn't sure what an ignoramus was. After consulting Webster’s, I confirmed that I was one. You see an ignoramus is a person who simply doesn't know.

My wife and girls have been involved with the team for almost two years. With all their coming and going, I occasionally found myself tagging along, usually reluctantly, timing a race, helping out at the snack bar for a few hours, but not much else. It wasn't until our last home meet when I offered to help cook at the concession stand and do some prep work Friday night before the meet, that I realized how much of an ignoramus I really was.

I was amazed at how much work went into simply setting up the concession stand, and the shade areas for timers and judges. That night I got home at 10:30 p.m. After the meet on Sunday, all the stuff that got set up had to come down. I spent at least 3 more hours helping there as well as all day cooking and selling at the concessions.

That weekend left me stunned, shamed, and thankful all at once. Stunned because of the tremendous amount of man hours required to put on an event like that. Shamed, because where was I in the past when a dedicated few could have used some help to shoulder the load? I was also thankful for these people who were fun to work with and who had quietly and diligently served my children those past two years.

Well those of you who were like me, you can't be an ignoramus anymore because I just blew your cover. Maybe you'd like to come along at our next home meet and pitch in? There'll be plenty to do and there's a chance we could have some fun doing it.

Food to fuel workouts

2010-03-24T14:20:00.001-04:00

Janny Hu, Chronicle Staff Writer

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I'm the first to admit that I get a little grumpy when work gets in the way of a run or a swim.

Turns out, though, that I can be a grouch after exercising, too.

It goes a little something like this: I squeeze in an early morning workout, and between running, stretching, showering and getting myself to the office, I put off eating.

My stomach is grumbling. I'm feeling a little faint. And lo and behold, I've now let working out get in the way of working.

I should know better, having watched for years how pro athletes chow down before and after games. But I'm hardly alone in sabotaging myself.

Skipping pre- or post-workout meals are the most common mistakes people make when it comes to exercise, says registered dietitian Manuel Villacorta of San Francisco's MV Nutrition.

"When you exercise, you exhaust your tank, and it needs to be refueled again," Villacorta says. Otherwise, "it could lead to a cascade of problems, from breaking down muscles to feeling tired and light-headed, to feeling extremely hungry and then overeating."

It's ironic, isn't it? For all the fresh produce and innovative fare that we adore in the Bay Area, we sometimes overlook what food is at its core - fuel for the body.

Our brain and muscles need glucose to function, which means it needs carbohydrates, despite the intense beating that carbs have taken in many popular diet plans.

The average person who exercises for an hour a day - be it lifting weights, running, Spinning or cardio work - should fuel up with anywhere from 15 to 30 grams of carbs and 6 to 14 grams of protein in the hour before working out, Villacorta says.

A banana and a glass of milk fit the bill, as does oatmeal and a few hard-boiled eggs.

He recommends similar amounts for refueling afterward, with a little extra protein to help repair muscles.

Here, timing is critical. Post-workout meals should be eaten within 30 minutes of exercise. The longer you wait, the more your body starts cannibalizing itself in search of fuel.

Again, it doesn't take much. A slice of whole-grain toast and a few slices of lean deli meat will do. So will a cup of cottage cheese and an apple. If you can go right into a full breakfast or dinner, all the better.

Tastes can change

The key is finding out what works for your system. Every person handles food differently, and tastes can change over the years.

When I was training for my first marathon, I was also The Chronicle's beat reporter for the Golden State Warriors.

Keeping on a regular workout schedule while traveling around the country was tough enough. Having to wake up an hour earlier wherever I was, just to eat and wait for food to digest before starting on an hour-long run, was borderline brutal.

Then I rediscovered bananas. In addition to being portable, cheap and abundantly available, they're digestive goddesses. I'm fine eating a banana just before a run, or even on one. (Endurance athletes, or those exercising for more than 90 minutes, need fuel during workouts as well).

Dates are also ascending to savior status. High in carbs and natural sugar, they're also the perfect sweetener for homemade muesli - tops on my breakfast list.

The rest of my routine is a work in progress. But in running the gamut from not eating at all to eating too much, I've hit on a few staples.

Cottage cheese and greek yogurt are my go-to sources for protein. If I'm heading to the gym or a trailhead, I'll usually throw a small tub and some fruit in my bag so I can start refueling on the drive back.

The smoothie option

Some other things I've learned over the years: After hard workouts, I'm usually not in the mood to eat solid food. It's much easier to drink something, which is where smoothies come in.

I bought a Vita-Mix a while back, and the high-powered blender is now my favorite kitchen gadget. I can throw anything in there - apples, oranges, dates, spinach, kale, you name it - and come away with a smooth elixir.

It's also great for making your own sports drink. While Villacorta says that water is adequate for hourlong workouts, I often crave something with a salty, even sour, edge. I'll blend dates and lemon or lime juice with water and add in some salt as an electrolyte replacement.

And speaking of drinks, personal trainer Robbi Shveyd of San Francisco adds that proper fueling isn't limited to just food. Dehydration is a common obstacle she faces with her clients when it comes to getting the most from their workouts and recovery.

"By and large, we can tell if they haven't eaten, and we can tell what the night before was like," Shveyd says. "They've either had alcohol or caffeine, and they come in so depleted."

The bottom line? Drink plenty of fluid. And even if you're trying to lose weight, don't try to cut calories - especially carbs - around exercise times.

"You can train your body to do anything," Villacorta says. "But that doesn't mean you won't feel better if you do it the right way."

Mix & match

These easy food pairs provide good amounts of nutrients for pre- and post-workout eating.

1 banana + 1 or 2 Laughing Cow Mini Babybel cheeses
1 apple + 1 cup yogurt
2 hard-boiled egg whites + 1 cup milk
1 cup prepared oatmeal + 1 cup orange juice
1 slice whole-grain toast + 2 ounces of lean meat
1/2 cup low-fat cottage cheese + 1 apple

Strawberry & Banana Smoothie

Serves 2

Feel free to use frozen fruit, though it will make the smoothie thicker. To boost the sweetness, add more dates.

6 strawberries
1 cup nonfat Greek-style yogurt
1 cup nonfat milk
2 dates, pitted
1 banana
1 tablespoon flaxseed meal

Instructions: Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend on high until desired consistency is reached. Divide between two glasses.

Per serving: 237 calories, 18 g protein, 39 g carbohydrate, 3 g fat (0 g saturated), 0 mg cholesterol, 110 mg sodium, 6 g fiber.

Green-It-Up Smoothie

Serves 2

If you can get past the color, this smoothie offers a nutritional bounty. To me, it's like drinking a salad. It's got greens, fruit - usually whatever I have in the fridge - and even a kick of protein. Add more water or orange juice for a thinner consistency.

2 big handfuls of spinach leaves
1 Persian cucumber, ends trimmed
1 apple, cored
1 pear, cored
1/2 cup orange juice, or to taste
1 cup water, or to taste
1 tablespoon hemp protein (available at natural foods stores)

Instructions: Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend on high speed until smooth. Add more water or orange juice for a thinner consistency. Divide between two glasses.

Per serving: 196 calories, 10 g protein, 34 g carbohydrate, 4 g fat (0 g saturated), 0 mg cholesterol, 43 mg sodium, 7 g fiber.

Quinoa & Berry Parfait

Serves 2

Layering the quinoa, yogurt and berries in a parfait glass makes this a pretty dish to serve guests. But during my morning rush, presentation takes a backseat to practicality, and I usually just combine everything in a bowl.

1 cup plain fat-free yogurt
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 cup chopped strawberries
1/2 cup blueberries
1 cup cooked quinoa

Instructions: Whisk the yogurt and maple syrup together. Combine the berries. Spoon 1/4 of the quinoa into a parfait glass; top with 1/4 of the yogurt mixture, and then 1/4 of the berry mixture. Repeat the layers. Use the remaining ingredients to make a second parfait.

Per serving: 307 calories, 10 g protein, 67 g carbohydrate, 2 g fat (0 g saturated), 3 mg cholesterol, 80 mg sodium, 5 g fiber.

Cherry Chocolate Energy Bars

Makes 12 bars

These are quick and easy to make and don't have the strange aftertastes that commercial bars tend to have. It can be a bit of a mess because of the sticky syrup, but soaking the dishes and utensils in warm water will make cleaning up a breeze. Much of the fat comes from the nuts, which means it is monounsaturated.

1 1/2 cups crisped brown rice cereal or Rice Krispies
1 cup quick-cooking oats
3/4 cup dried cherries
1/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup flaxseed meal
1/3 cup unflavored whey protein (available at natural food stores)
1 cup brown rice syrup
1/4 cup maple syrup
1/2 cup almond butter (or other nut butter)

Instructions: Mix the crisped brown rice, oats, cherries, chocolate chips, flaxseed and whey protein in a large bowl; set aside. In a small saucepan, bring the brown rice syrup to a boil over medium-high heat. Take off stove, add the maple syrup and almond butter, and stir until smooth. Pour over the dry ingredients and stir to combine.

Line a small pan with plastic wrap (an 8- by 8-inch pan is fine. The mixture won't completely cover the bottom, but that's OK). Press the mixture into the pan to the desired thickness. The mixture will hold its shape while warm, but will become firmer as it cools. Cool completely before cutting into bars.

Per bar: 180 calories, 6 g protein, 25 g carbohydrate, 9 g fat (1 g saturated), 0 mg cholesterol, 32 mg sodium, 3 g fiber.

E-mail Janny Hu at jhu@sfchronicle.com.

This article appeared on page K - 1 of the San Francisco Chronicle

Helping Your Young Child Set Goals

2010-03-22T14:18:00.001-04:00

Goal setting for young swimmers is an important process that requires interaction of the parent, coach, and athlete. It is important to remember that for young swimmers the goal of goal setting is to learn how to set goals. The progression for learning how to set goals is based upon the age and competitive experience of the swimmer. In this issue we will look at one approach for introducing goals to 8 through 10 year olds.

There are many approaches to goal setting for younger swimmers. The following approach is presented because it is a little different from the "normal" routine of coach‑swimmer interaction and one that I personally find more rewarding for the parent‑coach‑athlete relationship.

With younger, inexperienced swimmers, generally ages 8 ‑ 10, goal setting needs to be carefully guided by adults. The purpose of goal setting with this age is for the young swimmer to learn what a goal is, that to achieve a goal a series of steps toward the goal must be taken, and that some amount of preparation and work is required to meet the goal. These are very powerful lifelong skills.

I think it is very important that children are successful in achieving goals at this stage. For this reason, the coach, who best knows the ability of the swimmer, should suggest goals to the parents who, in turn, guide their young swimmer to set goals well within the possibilities described by the coach. Goals should be objective and based upon time standards or performance standards. In addition, goals need to be short term goals aiming at completion in 4 to 6 weeks. A long term goal is a difficult concept for 8 ‑ 10 year olds.

Billy is a 9 year old who has been on the swim team for 18 months. He has all "B" times except for the 100 IM which he has an unofficial "C" time. He has been disqualified in his three 100 IM races because he has an illegal breaststroke kick. His best friend, neighbor, and swimming rival, John, began swimming at the same time as Billy but has achieved "A" times in the breaststroke and freestyle, several "B" times, and was recently moved to a more advanced group. Billy's ambition is to swim in the same workout group with John. Billy's dad and John's dad are friends and weekend golf rivals. Coincidentally, John's dad regularly beats Billy's dad. Billy's dad's goal is to see Billy beat John.

What should Billy's goals be and who should set them? Billy's goals must not be based upon John. At this point in time John is a more accomplished swimmer. Perhaps he will always be more accomplished for a variety of reasons which will frustrate Billy if Billy's goal is always to beat John. On the other hand, maybe John is temporarily bigger and stronger than Billy. As the boys reach and pass puberty Billy may become the bigger and stronger and more skilled of the two and beating John may not present an adequate challenge.

The coach should suggest several goals for Billy to Billy's parents. These goals are based upon the coaches' assessment of Billy's ability to improve in the next two months. One suggested goal might be for Billy to make an "A" time in the 50 free. Currently, Billy is only 4 tenths of a second from an "A" time. A second goal might be to swim a legal 100 yard IM. The coach has been working on Billy's breaststroke kick several times each week and is confident that Billy will have a legal kick in time for the next swim meet.

Why suggest these goals to the parents? Two reasons: 1) It is a good way for the parents and coach to communicate on the progress and future expectations for the young swimmer, and 2) the most important and most influential people in the young swimmer's life are Mom and Dad. What better source is there in guiding the young swimmer towards setting goals?

How should parents discuss goals with young swimmers? I think the best way is to ask the young swimmer a series of questions designed to bring him to the goals suggested by the coach. A conversation may go something like this:

Parent: "Billy, our team is hosting a meet in six weeks. Do you have any goals for our meet?"

Billy: "What's a goal?"

Parent: "A goal is something you want to do that you have never done before."

Billy: [without hesitation] "I want to swim in John’s group!"

Parent: "Someday I think you will. What does it take to move up to that group?”

Billy: “Coach says I need an A time.”

Parent: "Do you know what your best time is?"

Billy: "No"

Parent: "Coach says you have 32.2 and that's only 4 tenths of a second from an "A" time which is a 31.8. Would you like to make an "A" time?

Billy: "YEA!"

Parent: "Do you know how short 4 tenths of a second is?" [Demonstrates with stop watch.] "Coach says you can knock off those 4 tenths of a second just by streamlining better off the start and turn and by finishing with a long arm and strong kick. What are you going to work on in practice to help you make your goal?"

Billy: "I'm going to work on streamlining and finishing with a long arm and strong kick."

Parent: "Great! I KNOW you're going to make your goal! There is a dual meet with Fairport in three weeks. What do you think you would like to do in the 50 free in that meet?"

Billy: "An "A" time?"

Parent: "Right! Now let's write down your goal."

The next step is for Billy to write down his goal(s) on two pieces of paper. He should write his current best time, his goal, target date, and things he needs to work on in order to accomplish his goal.

His goal statement may look like this:

My Goal: 31.8 "A" time in the 50 free

When: February 17 home meet

Best Time: 32.2

Every day in practice: streamlining and good finishes

Billy should keep one at home in his room where he can look at it every day. Mom and Dad should ask Billy once every week or so how he is doing on his goal. The second copy he takes to swim practice to review with the coach. Then he can keep it in his locker or swim bag and look at it every day before practice.

Of course, it's a wonderful thing if a young swimmer is aware enough of times, both his own and qualifying times, to set his own valid goals in addition to those suggested by the coach. If a swimmer sets a reachable goal it should be accepted by coach and parents. Most young swimmers however need the expert guidance of coach and parents to set obtainable goals. Remember, at this age it is vitally important that swimmers are able to accomplish their goals.

Sticker Shock

2010-03-22T14:02:00.001-04:00

By Tom Slear

Part game, part meat market......college swim coaches cringe when they hear that description, but most nod in resignation. Every year, thousands of high school swimmers across America have their minds set on athletic scholarships. And every year, a much smaller number of swim coaches face the daunting task of spreading around a meager amount of scholarship dollars. The outcome is a cross between a chess match and a beauty contest.

"The hardest thing I had to do when I was coaching was figure out the money for scholarships," says Bob Boettner, executive director of the College Swimming Coaches Association of America. "Parents have no idea how little money there is to give out, and how fast someone really needs to be to get any aid."

The math is simple and convincing. NCAA rules allow a Division I men's swimming program to offer up to 9.9 full scholarships. Most schools fall short of that. According to the NCAA, the average is 6.5. Since a team needs 15 to 18 swimmers and divers (when it comes to scholarships, diving is lumped with swimming) to be credible, scholarship dollars are extended to the breaking point. The average for swimmers who receive any sort of aid is less than a half scholarship. Many get money to cover books only.

"It's sticker shock, and I see it all the time with the swimmers and parents we see," says John Trembley, the men's coach at the University of Tennessee. "What would go to the top high school seniors, those who scored at senior nationals, is not 90 percent or a full scholarship, but 40, 50, or maybe 60 percent. In the 14 years I've been at Tennessee, we've had American record-holders and NCAA champions, some of whom had less than a half scholarship."

The numbers are slightly more encouraging for Division I women. The NCAA allows 14 full scholarships per team. The average is 9.2. Each swimmer who receives aid averages slightly more than a half scholarship.

The situation at many schools below the upper tier, however, resembles that at Marist College in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., where head coach Christine Honig stretches four scholarships over 17 swimmers and two divers.

The men's and women's Division II programs can each offer 8.1 full scholarships, though the average is 2.5, with each swimmer on aid averaging a quarter scholarship.

Bleak statistics, certainly, but there's a caveat. Many swimmers happily compete in college while receiving no athletic scholarship. Nearly 40 percent of Division I and II swimmers, the so called walk-ons, go without athletic aid. Another 7,500 swimmers compete for Division III schools where rules prohibit aid based on athletic ability. Overall, two out of three swimmers across the three NCAA divisions pay for their education without any financial help from their respective athletic departments. It's not the opportunity to swim in college that's small, just the likelihood of earning an athletic scholarship.

"That's why I say it's better to hit the books, and I say that as a parent of swimmers," says Wayne Burrow, associate director of championships for the NCAA. "You have a much better chance of getting an academic scholarship than an athletic scholarship."

QUID PRO QUO

For the purpose of regulating scholarships, the NCAA divides athletics into two categories. Division I football, men's basketball, women's basketball, tennis, volleyball and gymnastics are head-count sports, which means, in essence, that the athletes get full scholarships or nothing at all. There is no middle ground.

The other Division I sports, and all those in Division II, are equivalency sports. As such, the scholarships can be parceled out as a coach pleases, provided the sum of the parts doesn't exceed the NCAA limit. This promotes the harsh reality of coaches putting prices on the heads of recruits based on potential and utility. The result is often confusion and resentment.

"When you break up and divide scholarships, you have an unfair process from the start," says Jon Howell, who was an assistant coach at Clemson before becoming the head coach of the men's and women's teams at Division III Emory University in Atlanta. "In one class you might have a woman who does a 23.5 in the 50-yard freestyle on a full scholarship, and in the class behind her a sprinter who is just as fast getting only books."

The fact that athletic aid packages are valid for only one year serves to make the process messier. NCAA rules prohibit schools from committing scholarship money to athletes beyond the upcoming academic year. Each spring the slate is wiped clean and coaches make like corporate managers handing out bonuses. The swimmers who exceeded expectations often see the value of their scholarships increase. (Conceivably, poor performances could prompt a decrease, though many schools prohibit the practice unless an athlete breaks a team rule or becomes academically ineligible). It's a professional quid pro quo.

"I talk to the team in terms of this being a job," admits Mark McFarland, the women's coach at New Mexico State. "Whether that's the right way to do it or not, I'm not sure, but that's the way it is. We give them scholarship money, and they have the responsibility of performing."

"We expect something in return for a scholarship and that's what a lot of people don't fully understand," says Tim Flannery, the men's and women's coach at Division II Kutztown (Pa.) University. "We want effort; we want improvement. But the biggest thing that we want is commitment, and that includes the expectation that they will swim over the summer."

What scholarship money remains after accounts with returning swimmers and divers are settled goes toward enticing high school seniors. Coaches try to keep the amount consistent from year to year so that they will have strength in all four classes, but that's more difficult than it appears. School and athletic department policies often intercede. Public universities, for example, typically require a mix of out-of-state and less expensive in-state athletic scholarships. What a coach has to offer recruits, and which recruits he pursues, depends to a large degree on the residence of the graduating seniors.

There's also the mitigating factor of two signing periods. What recruits "sign" is a National Letter of Intent, which commits them to compete for a particular school or risk losing two years of eligibility. The school, in turn, commits to one year of aid. (Walk-ons do not sign letters of intent).

High school swimming recruits, whether Division I or II, have two periods their senior year during which they can sign. The earlier period is in November, and the advantages to coaches and swimmers of signing then are obvious. The coaches lock in the talent they need and the swimmers lock in a scholarship. To the relief of both, the recruiting process ends.

"I wanted to settle everything early," says Amy Barefield, a sprinter from Montana who signed last fall with the University of Utah. "I loved Salt Lake City, and I could see myself being a part of their team, so I didn't seen any reason to wait."

But the disadvantages of an early signing are just as obvious. Coaches risk having no money left when, during the later signing period from April to August, a senior national qualifier calls unexpectedly and asks, "Hey, Coach, do you have a spot for me?" Recruits, fearing a coach might pull an offer, risk making a hasty decision.

"It can get unbelievably complicated," says Trembley, the men's coach at Tennessee. Some years, worried that he doesn't have the money to get the swimmers he needs, Trembley will ask parents of upperclassmen if they would be willing to turn in a portion of their son's scholarship. Surprisingly, some say yes. A few even turn in money without being asked, adding credence to the popular notion that athletic scholarships are valued just as much for the prestige they bestow as for the money they save.

HARDENED

The whole process is often befuddling and disappointing to recruits and their parents. An offer in November might disappear in April. Or comparable swimming schools might offer scholarships that vary widely.

Or the aid offered is less than hoped.

Unfair, perhaps, but coaches' strategies are strictly bottom line. Their job security depends on it. They must snare the best swimmers available for the least amount of money possible. They are quick to point out that that they aren't the only ones playing hardball.

"You deal with kids and their parents who will fight you tooth and nail and play one school against another," says Boettner. "When I was at Clemson, we dickered and dickered with a girl's parents about how much money we were offering. Finally we said, 'This is all we can give her.' She came, but she didn't train that hard and, in my opinion, didn't earn her scholarship. No wonder coaches get hardened to some extent."

Coaches are also hardened by swimmers with inflated opinions of their worth. At Kutztown State, Flannery runs into this regularly. A high school senior will call thinking, "Division II? How hard can it be?" Worse, he'll assume Flannery won't take the time to check with the high school or club coach on the swimmer's training habits and coachability.

The trick, most coaches say, is not to shoot too high, or too low. Times that won't warrant a return phone call from a top-five, Division I coach might earn a scholarship at a lower-level program.

"Very often in the initial contact with athletes, they hear that we are Division I and they balk – they don't think they are good enough," says Honig, the women's coach at Marist. "There are a lot of levels within Division I, and they can cover a lot of needs."

Determining a proper fit has been made much easier with the advent of the Internet. Web pages for most college swim programs list at least the school records in each event if not the top five times from the year before.

Collegeswimming.com gives up-to-the-minute results for all three divisions, as well as updates on what schools have signed which swimmers.

"Determining a school, at least for swimming, is a lot like determining the best lane to train in," says Bob Bowman, the senior coach at North Baltimore Aquatic Club, which last year had seven swimmers earn an athletic scholarship. "You don't want to be so far ahead of the rest that you aren't challenged, and you don't want to be so far behind that you feel lost."

Middle of the pack, of course, doesn't equate to the highest scholarship, which is Bowman's point. The recruiting process should not be an auction, but a search for the right mix of academics, social life, and swimming.

"An athletic scholarship wasn't as important to me as what kind of degree I would have after four years," says Leigh Campbell, a distance swimmer from North Carolina who turned down scholarship offers last year from two Division I schools to attend Emory. "What was important to me was not the best athletic scholarship, but the best opportunity. There are always ways to work out the money."

SIDEBAR

Helpful web sites on recruiting and athletic scholarships:

1. www.ncaa.org - the "rules and eligibility" link is particularly good. The writing is dense, but all the information on recruiting and scholarships is there, including an A-to-Z explanation of the initial eligibility/clearinghouse procedures.

2. www.collegeswimming.com - complete results for all levels, Division I through III; also, the latest on recruiting, including who has signed where.

3. www.nationalletter.org - all the skinny on signing a national letter of intent.

Are You a Pressure Parent?

2010-03-22T14:01:00.001-04:00

The following survey has been taken from the Amateur Swimming Association of Great Britain. If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you may be in danger of pressuring your child. It is important to remember that the parents' role is critical and should be supportive at all times to ensure a positive experience for your child.

Is winning more important to you than it is to your child?
When your child has a poor swim, is your disappointment, such as through body language or vocal tones, obvious?
Do you feel that you are the one to have to "psyche" your child up before competition?
Do you feel that winning is the only way your child can enjoy the sport?
Do you conduct "post mortems" immediately after competi tion or practice?
Do you feel that you have to force your child to go to practice?
Do you find yourself wanting to interfere with coaching and instructions during practice or competition thinking that you could do better?
Do you find yourself disliking your child's opponents?
Are your child's goals more important to you than they are to your child?
Do you provide material rewards for performance?

Keeping the Fun In Swimming

2010-03-22T14:00:00.001-04:00

By Suzie Tuffey, Ph.D., Former USA Swimming Sport Psychology Director

A few years ago, USA Swimming conducted a survey to try to understand why kids participate in swimming and why kids drop out of swimming (Results from this survey were printed in the December 1996 issue of USA Swimming's Splash magazine). Probably the most important finding from this survey was that 'fun' played a huge role in participation. Kids stay in the sport because it is fun and, conversely, kids leave the sport because it is no longer fun. Based on this finding, USA Swimming decided to conduct a follow-up research project to try to identify exactly what is fun and what is not fun about swimming. In the first phase of this project, we held focus group interviews with a total of 48 age-group swimmers (Ages 8-18) from three USA Swimming clubs. The athletes were asked a variety of questions to uncover their perception of 'fun aspects' and 'not such fun aspects' of swimming. Specific to this article, two questions focused on the influence of parents on kids' swimming enjoyment - "What do parents do that makes swimming fun?" and "What do parents do that takes away from the fun of swimming?" The question was not whether parents have an influence on kids' swimming enjoyment (because we know they do) but on the specific things parents do and say which influences the fun in swimming, both positively and negatively.

Through these focus group interviews, the kids were able to help us better understand the influence parents can have on their enjoyment of swimming. From a review of the athletes' responses, several 'themes' seem evident regarding the things parents do and say to their swimmers that have a positive and a detrimental influence on swimming enjoyment. It is important to be aware of these things that impact enjoyment because, as we have found, enjoyment influences participation in swimming and we all want the kids to stay involved in swimming and enjoy the experience. As you read on, keep in mind that this is coming directly from age group swimmers; the words are taken directly from athletes and reflect their experiences in swimming.

What do parents do that makes swimming fun? And what do parents do that takes away from the fun of swimming?

Provide Support

One resounding theme coming from the kids was that parents increase the fun in swimming by providing unconditional encouragement and support. For the most part, it seems that a physical presence at meets and interest in what their child is doing goes a long way toward enhancing swimming enjoyment. The kids seem to enjoy swimming when they feel their parents support them regardless of the performance outcome. This theme is illustrated by the following:

"My parents are very supportive. I know, like, my parents will be happy for me whatever I do. I mean, if I do bad, they'll still be comforting and if I do good they'll be happy for me, you know. It's just, I think the people that their parents are so pushy, I think that they're gonna, um, they have the most potential to quit because they have so much pressure on them." (Age 15-18)

"She (mom) doesn't expect anymore from me than I expect from myself which I think that's important because when parents start placing expectations on their kids, like, it just makes the kids more stressed. I just think parents should be very supportive." (Age 15-18)

"Just knowing that he (dad) is there, you know. I can go up and ask for 50 cents for some food or something. It has actually given me that support feeling that my parent, one parent, is there." (Age 15-18)

"You need reassurance (after swimming poorly), like, they still love you. They're still going to give you a ride home." (Age 13-14)

"I always want my mom to be there. I always want someone to be there watching me, cheering me and stuff like that and I kind of don't feel like I want to do as well when they're not there. I kind of feel like I need to show them even though they tell me I don't need to show them." (Age 13-14)

Don't push too much

A theme that was identified by the kids as detracting from the experience of fun in swimming related to parents' pushing too much. Some of the kids felt that excessive pushing by their parents to practice, compete and perform well detracted from the fun of swimming, as exemplified below:

"Well, I don't exactly like it sometimes because they push me too hard that it makes me feel bad and I just don't like to swim sometimes because they push me so much." (Age 10 and under)

"I saw this one mom who was yelling at her kid, like, 'I spend so much money on you. I can't believe you did so bad today.' And the kid was already crying and her mom's like yelling at her and her mom throws her stuff down and leaves. If my mom ever did that, I'd just want to quit because you need encouragement from everyone around you if you want to win." (Age 13-14)

"On the day you don't want to go to practice and you're not feeling well, they force you."

"Oh, I hate that!"

"And is that good?" (interviewer)

"Oh, no, that's bad"

"No, it makes you get worse." (Ages 11-12)

Learn Optimal 'Push'

Interestingly, there was a positive side to this idea of 'parental pushing'. Kids talked about the role of parents in enhancing fun in swimming by providing a push. However, caution is warranted as there is a fine line between pushing in a positive way and pushing to the detriment of kids' enjoyment. As evidenced below, it seems a slight push from parents can enhance subsequent enjoyment and, as kids point out, is often needed.

"I think your parents sort of want you to do things and I think you kind of grow to like it you're sort of pushed firmly by them." (Age 15-18)

"I think that parents need to push their kids a little more when they're younger because I know when I was like 11 or 12, there would be days where I didn't want to go to practice." (Age 15-18)

"They kind of push us to go to swimming and it makes us, like, feel better that we swam." (Age 11-12)

"I like it when my parents push me because I was out for a year and I became a C swimmer because I aged up and just this last meet, in all of my things, I became a B swimmer instead because my parents were cheering me on and they pushed me." (Age 8-10)

It's kind of good for them to kind of maybe push you now or make you go to practice now." (Age 10 and under)

Resist Assuming the Role of Coach

A last theme evident from kids' responses tied to the idea that when parents take on the roles and responsibility of the coach it takes away from the fun in swimming. Critiquing races, offering suggestions on what went wrong or how to improve, and placing expectations on performance are examples of things parents do that tend to decrease the kids' enjoyment. An exception to this seems to be that when parents have credibility as swimmers, advice is sometimes welcome as it is viewed as coming from an 'expert' as opposed to a parent. To be sure, however, parents may want to ask their kids if they want advice or suggestions regardless of the parent's swimming background. Kids talk about this detrimental influence:

"My mom, I mean, my parents are supportive of me and they're like, fine, but sometimes my mom is just like she keeps asking me everything about what do I think I did wrong if it's a bad race and I want to just forget about it. It is really annoying when she keeps asking me." (Age 13-14).

"They don't know as much as a coach. Like my mom, she tries to tell me what to do and I don't listen to her, but it is annoying." (Age 11-12)

"Well. Sometimes they annoy me because they like I don't keep my head down enough and they are like 'you've got to keep that head down'. They keep annoying me about that." (Age 8-10)

"If I've had a bad race and my mom is telling me what I did wrong, I won't really listen to her. But if I did pretty well and she's still pointing some things wrong that can make me faster, then I'll take it to my coach and let him help me so I can do better." (Age 13-14)

"I like it whenever my dad gives me goals 'cuz he's a master swimmer. But my mom, whenever she's in the pool, all she does is like float and she doesn't like to get her hair wet unless she's in the shower so when she says 'you gotta keep on doing this', I'm having a hard time believing it because she doesn't really swim that much. She just likes playing around with it." (Age 10 and under)

"My dad used to be a swimmer and he, like, almost made it to the Olympics so him just being there is like a real big motivation and he gives me advice and stuff." (Age 13-14)

What does all this mean?

Taken in conjunction, it seems that kids want parents to be a presence in their swimming. But, they want this presence to be one of unconditional support with little advice. In essence, the kids seem to be saying, 'Mom and Dad, support my efforts but don't try to help me swim faster'.

Parental 'push' was mentioned by the kids in both a positive and negative vein. Because of individual differences in needs and preferences, it is probably very difficult for parents to define and identify an "optimal push"; a push that is strong enough to be beneficial but not so strong that it is perceived as overpowering by the kids. However, for the benefit of the kids, every effort should be made to walk this fine line and try to achieve an 'optimal push'.

Parent and Coach...The Other Stuff

2010-03-22T13:56:00.001-04:00

Coaching is about more than athletes, practices, and competition. As Mike Krzyzewski, Duke's hugely successful basketball coach said, it's also about "the other stuff." For coaches of club teams, that means parents.

By Tom Slear, Splash Magazine special correspondent

"All that craziness," is how Monica Teuscher describes the rituals of other parents who nervously follow their children's swimming development. Teuscher, mother of Cristina, a 1996 and 2000 Olympian, never owned a stopwatch and rarely bought a meet program. She didn't track her daughter's times, yell during her races, or seek out her coach after practices for private chats. During swim meets, she went off by herself to read or knit, only to be amused when other parents gave her a rundown on Cristina's swims, complete with split times.

"I thought it was important that I was there, but for support, not for coaching or to add pressure," Teuscher explains. "My job was to take my daughters (older daughter Carolina also swam) out for a good meal after they raced. The last thing we talked about was swimming."

Most coaches would agree that the best team to coach is one filled with parents such as Teuscher, who recognize the line between parenting and coaching and avoid it as if it were radioactive. They somehow manage to counterbalance their staunch support with a refreshing cluelessness. Years ago Debbie Phelps, mother of Michael, the world record-holder in the 200-meter butterfly, relocated the family so that her children would be closer to North Baltimore Aquatic Club's practice facility. Yet when asked about Michael's world record time, she can do no better than to say, "I'm not sure - 1:50 something?" (Actually, 1:54.58)

"The swimmers I've had who have had the most success were unencumbered by parents calling the shots behind the scenes," says John Collins, who has coached Olympians Rick Carey and Lea Loveless as well as Cristina Teuscher at the Badger Swim Club in Larchmont, N.Y. "These parents are very good about backing up their kids, but they are hands off when it comes to swimming business."

The Growing Intrusion of Parents

Most coaches will tell you that Teuscher and Phelps are hardly exceptions. The overwhelming majority of parents instinctively, or with gentle guidance, find their place in the background. A few, however, can't resist meddling, such as the mother who wrote Collins a five- or six-page letter every week for a year and a half. Rare is the swim coach who doesn't have a similar story to tell.

"So many," says Chuck Warner, the head coach at Rutgers University who coached club teams for years before entering the college ranks. "All filed away in a painful spot."

The effect of such parents is all out of proportion to their numbers. A survey by Dan Doyle, which will be published in his forthcoming book, The Encyclopedia of Sports Parenting, found that high school coaches across different sports are convinced that the biggest change in their profession over the last 15 years has been the growing intrusion of parents.

"No other factor they mentioned even came close," says Doyle, the executive director of the Institute for International Sport.

The top issues raised when the development coordinators for USA Swimming solicit opinions from club coaches are "parent education" and "club governance," euphemisms for the difficulty of dealing with parents, whether individually or as members of the club's board of directors. (The coach-board relationship will be covered in a future issue of Splash.)

An Oasis

But a bit of perspective is in order here. While all coaches labor to properly shape the parent-athlete-coach triangle, some suffer more than others. Rick Wolff, chairman of the Center for Sports Parenting (www.internationalsport.com/csp), calls swimming "an oasis." Coaches of team sports have only subjective means to evaluate talent. Even at its best, the process is imprecise and open to question. How does a coach fix with any certainty which offensive lineman blocks better, or which outfielder offers the best combination of hitting and fielding?

Yet these judgements determine playing time, which is at the root of nearly all parental complaints. Coaches are forced to defend themselves armed with nothing stronger than an arbitrary standard. Who's to say a guard with a deft shooting touch should play more than a tenacious defender?

With swimming the only standard is time, so performance is entirely quantifiable, measured precisely by a stopwatch. And playing time is rarely an issue. The only barrier to entry at most age-group meets is the entry fee. Everyone who wants to swim can compete.

"When you compare what coaches of team sports have to put up with when they make decisions about who makes the team and who plays, coaches of individual sports like swimming and track are not even in deep water as far as their problems with parents," says Doyle. "They are barely in three feet of water."

Swimming's preciseness, however, comes with a price. In sports such as soccer and basketball, parents can judge their children's potential only against the players they compete against, which typically stretches no farther than adjacent counties. Not until the last two or three years of high school do they step onto a stage that provides statewide or national exposure.

Swimming, on the other hand, allows comparison between a 10-year-old breaststroker in Pennsylvania to one in California right down to the hundredth of a second. The temptation for parents to extrapolate is irresistible. If a son or daughter is among the Top 16 when they are 10, shouldn't they be in the running for a national championship when they turn 18?

In fact, quite the opposite is the case. Improvement is not a steady, positive slope, especially for prodigies. A study by USA Swimming using the All-Time Top100 swims in each age group through 1996 found that only 10 percent of the Top 100 10-and-Unders maintained their status through age 18. Only half of the swimmers among the Top 100 in the 17-18 age group had made any top-100 list when they were younger.

"Those winning races at 10 probably won't be winning races when they are 20," says John Leonard, the executive director of the American Swimming Coaches Association. "This is one of those things that is obvious to coaches but is a mystery to parents. Coaches understand the long-term nature of the sport, parents often don't."

This misunderstanding creates swimming's equivalent of playing-time disputes. As swimmers begin to slip in national, regional, and even local rankings, their parents scramble for solutions. Sue Anderson, a former world record-holder and one of USA Swimming's development coordinators, saw the pattern repeat itself many times when she was head coach of the Scarlet Aquatic Club in New Jersey during the 1990s. These "pressure parents," as she calls them, begin to micromanage their children's swimming by arranging for extra practices and seeking out meets not on the team's schedule. When expectations still aren't met, they invariably blame the coach, who is mostly defenseless because no one can say for sure why young, talented swimmers stop improving. Maybe it is the coach's fault, though the problem just as likely could stem from the swimmer's early physical maturation or a mindset that has become mis-wired because of parental pressure, or a host of other reasons. Regardless, the conflict heats up until the swimmer jumps to another club, which is often the first of several such moves.

"What the parents think is helping their kids is only putting them under a lot of pressure," says Anderson. "Many of these kids do very well when they are 10-and-under and 11-12, but eventually a lot them they stop living up to expectations, and they fall apart."

The Other Stuff

Of course, not all disputes fall under the category of domineering parents and underachieving swimmers (though they tend to be the most intractable). A coach's personal style can cause problems, particularly if he focuses almost exclusively on the senior swimmers. There is also the matter of different outlooks. Parents see only their sons and daughters and the next few weeks and months. Coaches see the entire team and the upcoming years. Then there's the issue of how coaches are viewed. Many parents don't see a professional, but a former jock slumming between real jobs.

"It was amazing how differently parents acted when I started coaching at the college level," says Warner. "I knew nothing more than when I was coaching a club team, but the parents assumed that I did."

Mike Krzyzewski, who, over the last 20 years at Duke has established himself as one of the most successful college basketball coaches ever, once said, "The coaching I love. The kids I love. It's the other stuff you have to watch out for."

What often matters to parents is the other stuff, whether coaches are returning their phone calls promptly or thanking them for their volunteer work on behalf of the club. These small courtesies seem insignificant by themselves, but when taken together they acknowledge that the coach is meeting the parents halfway. They also keep disputes to a minimum. A meticulous plan handed out in March for the summer season will inhibit parents from overlapping family vacations with major competitions. Regular parent meetings run by the coaches and board members that both inform and educate will minimize rumors and alleviate concerns over the cyclic nature of competitive swimming. Set office hours for the coach will discourage interruptions from parents during practice.

The biggest courtesy of all, Leonard believes, is listening. A handful of parents are unreasonable. Others simply have healthy concerns about what's best for their children. Separating the two requires more than a five-minute conversation.

To make his point, Leonard refers back to his first coaching job, which was in Illinois during the 1970s. The father of a talented girl initially gave off all the signs of trouble.

"The classic horror story of a parent," Leonard recalls. "He was a trial attorney. Very pushy. His style of conversation was confrontational."

Yet Leonard endured and gradually came to realize that despite the father's bluster, he had a lot to offer. After two years, they were running together. Leonard would talk about his new ideas and the father would poke holes in all of the right spots.

"He'd question me on everything I was doing, which gave me a lot to think about," Leonard says. "Our relationship lasted for eight years and the daughter represented the United States on national teams. The mother and the father were the most active parents in helping to run the club. They were the best swimming parents I have ever known. It took me a while, but I discovered they were only interested in the best possible experiences for their daughter - both in life and in swimming - and they wanted to learn all they could about the sport.

"It just took a little bit of willingness to understand what they were after, and a little bit of patience to give them the opportunity to do the right thing."

Good advice, both for coaches and parents.

Learning Life Skills through Swimming

2010-03-16T13:21:00.001-04:00

BY AIMEE C. KIMBALL, PhD//Sport Psychologist
The old cliché that sport doesn’t create character, it reveals it, is somewhat true. However, because of the amount of time athletes spend in athletics during their formative years, sport is at least partially responsible for shaping the character of individuals.

While there are many life skills that can be learned through sport, we can’t just assume that athletes will pick these skills up on their own. It is up to parents and coaches to teach these skills.

Parents and coaches may wrongly assume these athletes do not care, but it is more often the case that they just don’t know how to put their skill to good use.

Life Skills Training Exercise

About Aimee C. Kimball, PhD:

Dr. Aimee C. Kimball is the Director of Mental Training at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center’s Center for Sports Medicine. She received a PhD from the University of Tennessee where she specialized in sport psychology. She is an Association of Applied Sport Psychology Certified Consultant, and is a member of the American Psychological Association, the United States Olympic Committee’s Sport Psychology Registry, the USA Swimming Sports Medicine Network, and the NCAA Speakers Bureau. As a Mental Training Consultant, Dr. Kimball has worked with professional, collegiate, high school, recreational, and youth athletes in a variety of sportsCurrently, Dr. Kimball works with athletes, coaches, parents, and other performers to assist them in achieving success in sport and life. (412-432-3777; kimballac@upmc.edu)

After Your Child Swims the Event

2010-03-01T10:12:00.001-05:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By Guy Edson

Long Time Age Group Coach

What’s the proper process immediately following the conclusion of the swimmer’s event? In this article I am going to talk about the age group swimmer who does not have the same immediate physical need to warm down as a senior swimmer does.

Many coaches want to be the first person to speak with the young swimmer immediately after their event is swum. Why? First, the longer the time between finishing the event and receiving constructive comments, the less the swimmer is going to remember about the swim. Being lead away by a loving and well meaning parent for treats or hugs or high fives from Grandpa, lessen the opportunity for immediate feedback from the coach. Secondly, the coach has critical commentary on the quality of the swim which is vital for the learning process and needs to be the first person to review the swim with the swimmer. If the swimmer hears either overflowing positives, or in some cases, harsh criticism from the parents before he or she visits with the coach it is very possible the swimmer is going to be receiving conflicting messages.

After an event I first ask my swimmers, "How did you like your swim?" I want to hear their feelings first. In some situations, when a swimmer displays excessive anger or crying after a swim I will ask them to warm down first, or to sit quietly in private for a few moments before talking about the swim. In these cases I am wanting them to learn how to manage their feelings and I prefer they not visit with Mom or Dad yet.

After listening to them I proceed to analyze the swim in three basic areas. Was it a best time? A best time is not the only issue but it is important. I make a pretty big deal about best times and I want the swimmers to recognize the importance of always trying for best times. However, I also look at how they swam the race – was it technically correct with proper pace and a good start, good turns, good stroke mechanics and a good finish? Sometimes a best time is tempered by the fact that the swim wasn’t really a “best swim.” I also look at the race. "Winning the race" refers to beating whoever they are close to in the heat. Sometimes it means winning the heat, sometimes it means winning the event, sometimes it means out touching the swimmer in the next lane for seventh place. The sport is a competitive sport and the ability to race is important. If a swimmer is successful at one of the three objectives I tell them they did a good job. If they are successful at two of the three, that's a better job. If they are successful at all three, then they did the best they are capable of at that point in time. I avoid using words like “unbelievable” or “great” preferring to leave them with a sense that they can always improve.

How can the parent respond? First, if the child forgets to go directly to the coach, please give them a quick hug and sent them straight to the coach. Afterwards, I think the most important thing is to simply love your child and provide emotional comfort. Congratulate them. Console them. Ask them how they felt about their swim before you tell them anything. Ask them what the coach said. But please, don’t add a technical critique, leaving that for the coach.

There is no doubt that a healthy parent-coach-athlete relationship is vital to the long term success of the athlete. Stay in touch with the coach, support him or her, and direct your children to the right places at the right times.

Catch a cold? You can still workout

2010-01-27T11:52:00.001-05:00

By PETE GRATHOFF - The Kansas City Star

About a decade ago, Thomas Weidner realized he was being asked a common question.

The director of the athletic training education program at Ball State University, Weidner was being approached each winter by athletes who were sick.

“In working with athletes who acquired a head cold (quite common) as an athletic trainer/sports medicine specialist, I realized that there were no guidelines for exercising with a cold,” Weidner wrote in an e-mail.

When you’ve got a cold, should you rest and help the body recover or continue your exercise regimen?

Weidner wasn’t sure, so he set out to study the question.

First, he and other researchers studied 24 men and 21 women, who were between the ages 18 to 29 and of varying levels of fitness. All were infected with a rhinovirus, while another group of 10 men and women were not infected and served as controls.

For the study, which appeared in the journal Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise in 1998, the researchers assessed the lung functions and exercise capacity of all the subjects. The 45 subjects then had a cold virus was dropped into their nose, and all caught head colds.

Two days later, when their cold symptoms were at their worst, all the subjects exercised by running on a treadmill. The researchers reported that having a cold had no effect on either lung function or exercise capacity.

“Honestly, we were hoping the duration and severity of the cold would be mitigated somewhat (but no luck in this regard),” Weidner wrote.

For a second study, 34 young men and women were randomly assigned to a group that would exercise with a cold and 16 others who were assigned to rest. All were infected with a rhinovirus.

The group that exercised ran on a treadmill for 40 minutes every other day at 70 percent of their maximum heart rates.

Every 12 hours, all the subjects in the study completed 13-item questionnaires regarding their physical activity and their well being. The researchers, whose findings appeared in the British Journal of Sports Medicine in 2003, also collected the subjects’ used facial tissues, weighing them to assess their cold symptoms.

There was no difference between the groups that rested and the ones that had a cold.

So, if you’re under the weather, there’s no reason to stop exercising.

“If the symptoms are restricted to a head cold, and no fever, then exercising with a cold does not seem to prolong the cold or make it worse (nor does it make it any better),” wrote Weidner, who is an avid cyclist.

“The advantage in continuing to exercise is to maintain fitness and enjoy the positive psychological effects such as improved mood (particularly when you are not feeling all that well).”

Punctuality and Being on Time

2010-01-20T11:33:00.001-05:00

This title might sound redundant but that is because we try to teach this very important life lesson enforcing what is already taught at your child’s schools. Punctuality is just one of the life lessons we work to instill into all of our athletes and hold it in very high regard, but we have had swimmers arrive at practice late and/or show up to meets well after warm-ups have started. We stress to the swimmers the importance of being on time but sometimes messages we state to them to do not reach home. Why do we hold this life lesson in such high regard? Let’s start out by answering the question:

What is Punctuality?

Punctuality is a habit that is learned from childhood. It is the simple act of doing things on time. It is one of the secrets for success and one of the hallmarks of leaders. Punctuality means being systematic, being available on time, it is etiquette, and being aware of the importance of time. It helps in managing ones own time thereby respecting other as well.

Why is punctuality important?

Professionals in the U.S. operate on a monochromic time philosophy which means the work day is dictated by the clock. Appointments are scheduled and are expected to be met on time, and lateness is typically frowned down upon. Now, not all societies operate this way. Some operate on a polychromic time principle, which holds the philosophy of time as more liquid. This school of thought leads to a high degree of flexibility in scheduling appointments.

Due to monochronic values, punctuality in the U.S. is considered an important practice, and those that do not follow this concept are bound to start experiencing problems in many areas of their life.

In the U.S. it is generally accepted that if an appointment is set for 10:00am, the person who has the appointment is expected to be ready for the appointment at 10:00am or slightly before. This holds true for swim practices, meets, doctor appointments, interviews, and any other kind of appointments in general.

Punctuality is a real sign of discipline and something that schools also try to instill in our youth through school bells. We don’t use school bells at BLUE WAVE but we encourage and teach punctuality as well. Most of the swimmers can’t drive so they rely on their parents to get them to practice and/or meets. Not being on time is a sign of disrespect to someone or to the persons you are about to meet such as your teammates and coaches.

“I could never think well of a man's intellectual or moral character, if he was habitually unfaithful to his appointments.”

-Nathaniel Emmons

Tips to be Punctual:

Develop a positive mindset to be punctual.
Initially, it requires lot of practice to be punctual.
Set your mental clock as it guides you properly on time.
Learn to respect your time as well as others’ time.
Maintain a diary of your appointments to avoid disappointments.
Plan and organize your life properly and stay focused.
Praise the people who are punctual as it encourages others to be punctual.
Keep slogans everywhere such as ‘Thanks for being punctual’ as it generates awareness and corrects those who don’t fall in line.

"We are not saints, but we have kept our appointment. How many people can boast as much?"

- Beckett Samuel

The habit of punctuality should be developed from the childhood itself from parents, teachers, and coaches. Become a role model and worthy personality to be taken seriously by others. This is just not confined to just showing up on time but also being prepared to accomplish the task at hand when you are there. Punctuality starts before you even arrive, it doesn’t matter much if when you get there you are not able to do what you set out to do.

Generally, it's accepted that things do happen and occasionally lateness will occur. This is, of course, forgivable, but at the same time it is important that good etiquette is followed in a monochronic society. Always call and relay a message that you are running late, and do not make this a habit.

Punctuality brings a lot of difference in your life. Be punctual always in your life irrespective of your domain, area or sector. It pays to be punctual in this competitive world. Punctuality is one of the keys to your success.

Watching Your Child at Swim Lessons or Swim Practice

2010-01-18T14:49:00.001-05:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By Guy Edson

For many years I watched my daughter swim under the direction of other coaches. I have also watched her at basketball practice and games, and dance, and figure skating. I know the joy of watching her in these activities. I also know and understand the overwhelming desire to direct, correct, encourage, and sometimes scold her at practice. But these are not proper parental behaviors once I have released her into the care of a coach or teacher. As a parent, I am not to interfere with the practice or attempt to talk to my child during the practice session.

At swim practice coaches want the children’s attention focused on the coach and the tasks at hand. Occasionally children miss an instruction, or have a goggle problem, or are involved in some other distraction, or are simply playing and having fun – which are all normal behaviors for young children. Coaches view these little difficulties as opportunities for the children to develop good listening skills, ability to reason, and self discipline. Sometimes we allow failure on purpose -- a missed instruction leaving the child confused often results in the child learning to pay better attention the next time. We endeavor to provide an environment for the children to develop these skills. A well-intentioned and over-enthusiastic mom or dad sometimes has difficulty allowing their child to miss something and wants to interfere. It’s understandable.

We know it is common in many other youth sports for parents to stand at the sidelines and shout instructions or encouragements and sometimes admonishments to their children. However, at swim practice coaches ask parents not to signal them to swim faster, or to tell them to try a certain technique, or to offer to fix a goggle problem, or to move away from some other “menacing” swimmer, or even to remind them to listen to the coach. In fact, just as you would never interrupt a school classroom to talk your child, you should not interrupt a swim practice by attempting to communicate directly with your child.

What’s wrong with encouraging your child during practice?

There are two issues. First we want your child to focus on the coach and to learn the skill for their personal satisfaction rather than learning it to please their parents. Secondly, parental encouragement often gets translated into a command to swim faster and swimming faster may be the exact opposite of what the coach is trying to accomplish. In most stroke skill development practices we first slow the swimmers down so that they can think through the stroke motions. Save encouragements and praise for after the practice session! This is the time when you have your child’s full attention to tell them how proud you are of them.

What’s wrong with shouting or signaling instructions to your children?

When I watched my old daughter play in a basketball league I felt an overwhelming desire to shout instructions to my child and so I understand the feelings that most parents have. But those instructions might be different from the coach’s instructions and then you end up with a confused child. Sometimes you might think the child did not hear the coach’s instruction and you want to help. Most of us do not want to see our own kids make a mistake. The fact is that children miss instructions all the time. Part of the learning process is learning how to listen to instructions. When children learn to rely on a backup they will have more difficulty learning how to listen better the first time.

As parents, many of us want our children protected from discomfort and adversity and we will attempt to create or place them in an environment free from distress. So, what’s wrong with helping your child fix their goggles during practice time? Quite simply, we want to encourage the children to become self-reliant and learn to take care of and be responsible for themselves and their own equipment. Swimming practice is a terrific place to learn these life skills. Yes, even beginning at age 6 or 7.

If you need to speak to your child regarding a family issue or a transportation issue or to take your child from practice early you are certainly welcome to do so but please approach the coach directly with your request and we will immediately get your child out of the water. If you need to speak to the coach for other reasons please wait until the end of practice.

Thanks for bringing your children to swim practice. Every swim coach I know coaches each child with care for their safety and concern for their social, physical, learning skills, and life skills development.

OVER THE YEARS, I HAVE BEEN QUESTIONED QUITE OFTEN ABOUT COMPETITIVENESS . . .

2010-01-13T10:52:00.001-05:00

By Geoff Brown, Head Coach NOVA Swimming

…mostly from parents who fret about their child’s seeming lack of burning fire. My answer has never wavered:

Competitiveness is learned
It emerges over time and strikes different children at different times.
Since it is learned, it can be taught or stimulated; since it can be taught, proper “gardening” can cause it to emerge.

Children with siblings near to them in age will often be competitive because they have spent a fair part of their lives competing for limited family resources (a favored seat in the car, for example). I strongly believe that self-reliance is a necessary precursor to competitiveness. Self-reliance blossoms in a garden of everyday tasks. For example, a child who is made to pack and carry his own swim bag will learn self-reliance; a child who learns to wake to an alarm is learning independence. The parent-assisted child often persists at the level of parent-assisted child, sometimes for a disconcerting length of time. A casualty here is problem-solving ability because this child’s solutions all too often come from somebody else.

Finally, failure is wonderful fuel for competitiveness. It is painful to watch any child fail but it is glorious to see that same child rise from failure, adopt new behaviors and succeed. It is difficult to see failure as the author of that new triumph but there it undeniably is. So failure is just a part of the competitive journey Hope this helps !!

Learning To Prepare For The Best

2010-01-11T10:18:00.001-05:00

News For SWIM PARENTS Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association

By John Leonard

As I write this in early January in Fort Lauderdale, the air temperature is a “balmy” 42 degrees….well, balmy if you’re from Green Bay, Wisconsin, maybe. Here in South Florida, that’s a cold wave. We swim outside, and the water temperature is 75 degrees…..the heaters can’t keep up when the air is this cold. The wind chill factor, according to Channel 7, is…well, we don’t want to know the wind chill with a nice brisk 20 mile an hour wind coming off the Everglades.

My phone rings at 5 AM and a small voice on the other end asks plaintively, “Do we really have swim practice, Coach John?” Yes, we really do.

WHY? Is the next question, which I wrestle with myself on the 15 minute drive to the pool….why put teenagers in the water on this cold and nasty morning when both they and I would prefer to stay snuggled in at home for another hour or hour and a half.

Now, I KNOW why, but can I express it to my swimmers? Yes, I’ll try. Everyone, on the day after the high school state meet, vows that “next year” they will A) make a final, B) Make the meet C) win an event or D) write in your own goal here.

It’s easy to vow to do something the day after, when you are excited, full of the promise of life and get up and go. It’s a lot harder to REMEMBER what you wanted to do in early January when it’s 5 AM and cold outside. Then it’s a lot harder and a lot easier to rationalize, “it’s just one workout”.

The problem is, when teenagers begin to learn to rationalize, they get really good at it really fast, and pretty soon, the ACTION required to fulfill the commitments to those goals/dreams, falls prey to the rationalization. And after you rationalize the decision you want to make the first time, it’s so much easier to do it the next time, and the time after that, and pretty soon, the goal is just a dream, because you’re rationalizing yourself into thinking, “I’d like to do that if everything could be perfect for me, and it would never be cold in the morning, or no social events would ever conflict with practice, and time with my friends always went the way I want it to.“

But things never go perfectly. The ONLY thing you can successfully predict is that obstacles to your goal WILL come up, and little or nothing will go smoothly. And that consistency in preparation is the only way to raise the percentages of the chance you will reach your goal.

Read that again….”raise the percentages of the chance…” Not a guarantee. If it’s a good goal, there are no guarantees, EXCEPT that if you don’t prepare correctly, according to the plan, you won’t raise your chance of success, you’ll lower it.

So why go to practice at 5 AM in the cold? Because it’s part of the plan, and it raises your chance of success. But most of all, because you have told yourself that you will commit to doing it. And if you let yourself down, who won’t you let down? Prepare for a chance for success. And feel really good about doing that.

Because not very many people do.

Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities

2009-12-14T10:34:00.001-05:00

Coping With Adversity is the Key

Dr. Scoresby, Ph.D

Nothing in the world will take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, “Press on” has evolved and always will solve the problems of the human race. -Calvin Coolidge

Some parents think they can make sure their child has good self-esteem if they can shelter or protect her from trials, frustration, uncertainties and setbacks. The opposite is true. Their continual attempts to make their child happy and to protect her from every potential unpleasantness will most likely undermine her self-esteem. Allowing your child room to grow, make mistakes, deal with defeat and overcome problems is essential in the development of healthy self-esteem. You cannot bestow self-esteem, but you can help your child develop it by:

Helping your child set goals
Encouraging your child to challenge himself and improve his talents
Giving your child chores and responsibilities appropriate to his age and ability
Teaching your child that he is responsible for his own happiness and accomplishments
Providing academic and psychological support

By allowing your child a controlled amount of frustration, you’re showing confidence in her. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should leave her to deal with a hopeless situation alone. There are certainly times she will need your assistance. You can continue to be concerned and involved while encouraging independence.

Strategies to Promote Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

In School

If you believe your child lacks self-esteem and/or self-confidence because of problems he is having at school, talk to his teacher. If he is having difficulty academically, perhaps the teacher can suggest ways to give him opportunities to improve his self-confidence. For example, he could be encouraged to work on projects that will utilize his talents. School achievement is very important in the development of self-confidence.

At Home

1. Create and environment in your home that encourages the development of self-esteem. According to Dr. Ida Greene, an expert on developing self-esteem, the ingredients of such a home are:

Express love
Encourage goal-setting
Communicate honestly
Encourage independence
Define your family’s values
Create security and stability
Establish reasonable standards
Be consistent in your discipline
Create opportunities for success
Express faith in your child’s abilities
Praise your child’s accomplishments
Require age-appropriate responsibility
Provide emotional and academic support

If these ingredients are present in your home, your child will feel more secure, will like and respect herself, and will consider herself to be worthwhile and competent.

2. If your child’s poor self-esteem is chronic, she is probably suffering from emotional problems. The reasons for these problems need to be examined in counseling or psychotherapy. According to Greene, “Serious self-esteem deficits will not disappear of their own accord. The child who dislikes herself and feels “bad” will most likely continue to feel this way throughout her life unless she receives help from a mental health professional.” Academic success will not provide her much enjoyment or satisfaction. If you get help for her before her bad feelings become permanent you will give her a brighter future.

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Dr. Scoresby holds a Ph.D from the University of Minnesota in Counseling Psychology and is the author of many books, including Teaching Moral Development, Focus on the Children and Something Greater than Ourselves: The Exercise of Extraordinary Leadership. He is the director of Knowledge Gain Accelerated Learning Center and president of A. Lynn Scoresby & Associates, a leadership development firm.