Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities

Coping With Adversity is the Key

Dr. Scoresby, Ph.D

Nothing in the world will take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, “Press on” has evolved and always will solve the problems of the human race. -Calvin Coolidge

Some parents think they can make sure their child has good self-esteem if they can shelter or protect her from trials, frustration, uncertainties and setbacks. The opposite is true. Their continual attempts to make their child happy and to protect her from every potential unpleasantness will most likely undermine her self-esteem. Allowing your child room to grow, make mistakes, deal with defeat and overcome problems is essential in the development of healthy self-esteem. You cannot bestow self-esteem, but you can help your child develop it by:

• Helping your child set goals
• Encouraging your child to challenge himself and improve his talents
• Giving your child chores and responsibilities appropriate to his age and ability
• Teaching your child that he is responsible for his own happiness and accomplishments
• Providing academic and psychological support

By allowing your child a controlled amount of frustration, you’re showing confidence in her. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should leave her to deal with a hopeless situation alone. There are certainly times she will need your assistance. You can continue to be concerned and involved while encouraging independence.

Strategies to Promote Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

In School

If you believe your child lacks self-esteem and/or self-confidence because of problems he is having at school, talk to his teacher. If he is having difficulty academically, perhaps the teacher can suggest ways to give him opportunities to improve his self-confidence. For example, he could be encouraged to work on projects that will utilize his talents. School achievement is very important in the development of self-confidence.

At Home

1. Create and environment in your home that encourages the development of self-esteem. According to Dr. Ida Greene, an expert on developing self-esteem, the ingredients of such a home are:

• Express love
• Encourage goal-setting
• Communicate honestly
• Encourage independence
• Define your family’s values
• Create security and stability
• Establish reasonable standards
• Be consistent in your discipline
• Create opportunities for success
• Express faith in your child’s abilities
• Praise your child’s accomplishments
• Require age-appropriate responsibility
• Provide emotional and academic support

If these ingredients are present in your home, your child will feel more secure, will like and respect herself, and will consider herself to be worthwhile and competent.

2. If your child’s poor self-esteem is chronic, she is probably suffering from emotional problems. The reasons for these problems need to be examined in counseling or psychotherapy. According to Greene, “Serious self-esteem deficits will not disappear of their own accord. The child who dislikes herself and feels “bad” will most likely continue to feel this way throughout her life unless she receives help from a mental health professional.” Academic success will not provide her much enjoyment or satisfaction. If you get help for her before her bad feelings become permanent you will give her a brighter future.

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Dr. Scoresby holds a Ph.D from the University of Minnesota in Counseling Psychology and is the author of many books, including Teaching Moral Development, Focus on the Children and Something Greater than Ourselves: The Exercise of Extraordinary Leadership. He is the director of Knowledge Gain Accelerated Learning Center and president of A. Lynn Scoresby & Associates, a leadership development firm.

How Far Ahead Should an Athlete Look?

Effective goal setting entails setting long-term and short-term goals; these goals will identify where the athlete is going and how they are going to get there. When planning a vacation, you often think about dream destinations. Where would you go if you had unlimited funds and abilities… Egypt, the Caribbean, Europe? As with traveling and many other aspects of life it is fun to dream. In sport, it is also fun and important to dream. Dream goals allow you to project years into the future without any limits. For example, for many athletes making the Olympic Team is a dream goal. .

Athletes need to progress from a dream goal to a long-term goal. Long-term goals are typically one season to numerous seasons down the road; as in the road trip analogy, this goal is the destination. One way to determine a good long-term goal would be to have swimmers ask themselves the question “where do I want to be at the end of the season or the end of high school or college?” Examples of the answer to this question can be in terms of having an improved streamline by the end of the season, a goal time, making a specific time standard, or earning a spot on a junior or senior national team.

In order to make the long-term goal seem less daunting, short-term goals are set. Short-term goals are set for shorter lengths of time than long-term goals, usually between two weeks and a month. Short-term goals serve as stepping-stones for the long-term goals. Setting short-term goals allow one to monitor success towards the long-term goals. A good question to have swimmers ask themselves is “Where do I want to be at the end of this month?”

Finally, short-term goals can also often feel far off therefore something more within reach is needed to maintain focus and motivation. For these reasons it is also important to set daily goals. Daily goals are to be set every day in practice and in competition. Setting effective daily goals will help motivate and bring higher intensity to training. Daily goals can be set for both physical training and psychological skill development. A good question for swimmers to ask themselves is “why am I getting in the water today?”

Reprinted from USA Swimming