9 Things We Should Get Rid of to Help Our Kids

March 16, 2014 by Kristen of http://wearethatfamily.com/

She borrowed something from me.

And then she lost it.

Accidents happen.

But it was the whole “It only cost ten bucks-you can get another one” attitude that I couldn’t let happen a moment longer.

So, I gave her a job that required hard work and gave her the $10 she earned and then I made her pay me for what she lost.

Listen, when I realized I was more than half the problem in this whole entitlement parenting challenge, it was a wake up call. Kids naturally want what they haven’t earned, especially if we are handing it out for free.

But what we have is an entire generation of young adults who got everything they ever wanted with little or no work; we have a cultural norm and it’s a problem.

Because reality is, life doesn’t give us everything we want. We don’t always get the best jobs or a job at all. We don’t always have someone rescue us when we have a bad day or replace our boss just because we don’t like them. We can’t always have what we want when we want it. We aren’t always rewarded in life.

Here are 9 things we can get rid of to begin eliminating entitlement in our children:

1. Guilt: Often we give into our kid’s requests out of guilt. We need to stop feeling guilty for not giving our kids everything they want. It’s hard to swallow, but we foster the attitude of entitlement in our homes when we are ruled by a guilty conscience. It’s okay to ask kids to be responsible for what they lose and to require consequences for actions.

2. Overspending: I think it’s good for our kids to hear us say, “We can’t afford that” Or “We will have to save for it.” Because that’s real life. We don’t have All The Money to Buy All the Things. I’ve known families before who are working multiple jobs to keep kids in extracurricular activities, when honestly, the kids would probably be happier with more family time.

3. Birthday Party Goody Bag (Mentality)-I’ve been guilty of this like most of us. But, really? We take our kids to parties so they can give a gift, but they take a small one home so they won’t feel bad? It’s not their birthday. This concept of spoiling kids (which usually goes far beyond goody  bags) is temporary fun. It’s okay for them not to be the center of attention.

4. Making our day-week-month, our world about our kids-Working in the non-profit world has redirected our extra time. We simply can’t center our lives around our children when we are centering our lives around Christ. Child-centered homes don’t help children in the long-run.

5. The desire to make our children happy (all the time). If you visited my house, you’d find out pretty quickly that someone’s always unhappy. It’s not our job to keep our kids happy. Don’t carry that impossible burden. Typically when our kids are unhappy, it’s because we are standing our ground. And that makes for much healthier kids in the future.

6. Made Up Awards: You know what I’m talking about. Rewarding everyone who participates in every area only fosters an inflated self esteem. Kids don’t need rewards for every little thing. It’s okay to lose, they learn through failure as much as success.

7. Fixing all their problems: I don’t like to see my kids struggling. There’s a part of every parent that longs to make things right in their child’s world. But it’s not healthy to create a false reality. You won’t always be there to do so and not only that, if you’re doing it all for your child, why would they need to learn to do it themselves? Fixing all their problems is really only creating more challenges in the future.

8. Stuff: We could all probably fill a half dozen trash bags with just stuff. Excess. Try it. Bag it up and get your kids to help you and give it to someone who needs it.

9. Unrealistic Expectations: My girls are always asking for manicures. I didn’t have one until I was married, pregnant and 27 years old. I’m not opposed to the occasional treat, but it’s the attitude of expecting it because you as a parent or others have it. Just because I have an iPhone, doesn’t mean my children will get one. We don’t have to give our kids everything we have. It’s okay to make them wait for things in life.

It’s okay to toss out these things. Go ahead, give it a try.

Posted from the http://wearethatfamily.com/

GRIT: Can it Be Developed or is it Innate?

3/3/2014

BY DAN MCCARTHY//HIGH PERFORMANCE CONSULTANT

Do you know an athlete who not only never misses a workout, but never misses a yard of their training, or a rep in the weight room? No matter how tired or beat up they might be, they see their work through to the end. Despite the fact that they may not be the most talented on the team, aren’t they usually one of the most successful? Is this sort of determination, or Grit, just how they are, or have they developed their grittiness over time? It’s a good question.

What is Grit? Angela Duckworth, a Ph. D. in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, began studying Grit in 2005. She studied students, athletes, soldiers, CEOs, spelling bee competitors and many others and found that self-discipline scores were better predictors of success than IQ assessments, academic grades, physical fitness measurements and leadership testing. She described Grit as, “the tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward very long-term goals.”

Can you be born with Grit? Maybe. Some studies have shown that Dopamine (a neurotransmitter that becomes activated when something good happens) can influence the amount of physical activity someone undertakes. If you know someone that goes for a five-mile run on their day off, then you know someone who gets a dopamine boost from exercise. This is a genetic trait and is just how some athletes are wired. Even though they may be extremely gifted through birth, they believe their talent exists because of their dedication.\

Grit may be a trait that can be learned.

• Parents can teach their children to focus on the hard work necessary to achieve a goal, not necessarily the end result.
• Coaches can set long-term goals for their athletes and their teams, and then not only pursue those goals, but follow up on the progress towards them.

Gritty athletes learn to persevere through challenging times, consistently work harder than their competition and focus on improving their weaknesses. Additionally, a motivating factor like money, a perceived slight or a noble cause provides the fuel to keep them going. Whether learned or innate, Grit can be the difference between a medal and a fourth place finish for two equally talented athletes.

How gritty are you? Take the test.

References
Duckworth, A. L., Peterson, C., Matthews, M. D., & Kelly, D. R. (2007). Grit: Perseverance and passion for long term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92,
1087-1101.

Video:

Posted from USASwimming.org