Being on the Team vs. Being a Teammate

[Thoughts NOT just for athletes….]

- Compiled by John Leonard from InSideOut Coaching by Joe Ehrmann

• Being on the team benefits your personal goals and ambitions.
• Being a teammate benefits the goals and ambitions of your team and your teammates.

• Being on the team can make you a bystander.
• Teammates intervene in the lives and actions of their teammates.

• Being on the team involves personal effort.
• Being a teammate involves the efforts of every player.

• Being on the team means doing what is asked of you.
• Being a teammate is doing whatever is needed for the team to succeed.

• Being on the team can involve blaming others and making excuses.
• Being a teammate involves accepting responsibility, accountability, and ownership of the team's problems.

• Being on the team makes you "me-optic," asking what's in it for me?
• Being a teammate makes you "we-optic," asking what's in it for us?

• Sometimes players on the team are drawn together by common interests;
• teammates are drawn together by a common mission.

• Sometimes players on a team like one another;
• teammates respect one another.

• Sometimes players on a team bond together because of a shared background or compatible personalities;
• teammates bond together because they recognize every player is needed to accomplish the goal of the team.

• Sometimes players on a team are energized by emotions;
• teammates energize one another out of commitment.

[Editor’s Note:  When I was a swim parent (and not coaching at the time) I always felt like I was part of the team… but in retrospect, this article reminds me I wasn’t always a good teammate.  I wish I had thought about it a little more back then.  Guy Edson]

Coach O's Seven Habits of Saintly Swim Parents

This may be written by Coach from another team but we share the same values and views so I thought this to be appropriate.

Orlando S. Anaya, Mokihana Aquatics, Hawaii

Habit 1.  Getting Your Swimmers To Practice Regularly And On Time.

With multiple-job families, single-parent families, and just “being a family,” it is sometimes very hard to get your swimmers to practice every day and on time.  The first rule of improvement is “show up!”  A great swim parent makes excuses for how they will get their swimmers to practice on time.  It’s a powerful message and it teaches your swimmer that you care, amongst other positive messages that it sends.

Habit 2.  Providing Emotional Support In All Circumstances.

We appreciate parents who see their primary role as providing emotional support for their swimmers in all circumstances.  We’d love to say that kids should always be happy but sometimes they are not.  Happiness comes and goes depending on the environment and is also heavily influenced by what children hear their parents saying about a situation.  Parents who see temporary difficulties as an opportunity for their children to learn to “work it out” create a great life skill opportunity.

Habit 3.  Building Up The Coaches And The Program

We like to view our club as a family and as such we sometimes have questions about one another or the direction of the program.  We appreciate families who keep it in the family and bring concerns to the proper person in the chain of command rather than taking it to the “parking lot.”

Habit 4.  Comparing Your Swimmer With Themselves

Every swimmer is different.  Some have more passion than others. Some swim only for the socialness of the sport.  Some are stronger and faster.  Some become craftsmen of their technique.  Thinking about your own children you may remember that they learned to tie their own shoes at different ages.  Trying to compare any swimmer, regardless of time in the sport, or age, is a problematic. The emphasis should be on your swimmer's personal improvement and overall enjoyment of the sport.  Coaches tend to be “long term patient” with swimmers in terms of technique and speed.  Some get it early, some later.  In the meantime, we love them all.

Habit 5. Making Your Children Victors, Not Victims.

This may be the most difficult of all the life skills a parent seeks to instill in their child.  In the world today excuses abound and blame shifting is common place.  We hear the excuses all the time:  "I have too much homework," "I’m not feeling well,"  “I didn’t get enough to eat today,” “The lane is too crowded,” “The set is too hard,” “The coach yelled at me today.”  And on and on.  We believe that victors are created by toughing it out in the face of adversity and difficulties.  When we (coaches or parent) empower a child to do what they want, when they want, it does not promote athletic development or the ability find a solution.  If a swimmer is sick, keep them home. If a swimmer is injured, bring the physical therapist’s exercise routine to the pool so the swimmer can do it there.   Love and protect your kids, of course, but don’t allow them to become victims.

Habit 6.  Respecting the Coaches' Time During Practice

We appreciate the parents who come early to talk to the coaches or stay until after practice.  If that is not convenient please call.  The coach’s focus needs to be on the swimmers in the water during workout time.

Habit 7.  Getting Your Swimmers To Practice Regularly And On Time.

See #1, above.

The First Ingredient in Success….Learning to Deal with Failure.

By John Leonard

In the New York Times Magazine of October 2, is an article by Paul Tough (yep, real name) called “The Character Test.”  It’s about Riverdale Country School, one of the elite private schools of NYC.  The article deals in depth with the failure of great grades and great test scores to accurately predict success in highly competitive college environments, even for the “very best” of the elite private school graduates.

The Headmaster has concluded that the missing piece is….. character.  He said:

“Whether it’s the pioneer in the Conestoga wagon or someone coming here in the 1920’s from southern Italy, there was this idea in America, that if you worked hard and you showed real grit, you would be successful.  Strangely, we’ve now forgotten that.”

“People who have an easy time of it, who get 800’s on their SAT’s, I worry that these people get feedback that everything they are doing is great.  I worry about that.  I think we are actually setting them up for long term failure.  When that person has to face up to a difficult moment, then I think they are screwed, to be honest.  I don’t think we’ve given them the opportunities to grow the capacity to be able to handle that.”

A review of those who DID succeed in competitive colleges showed a real prevalence of skills in specific areas:  optimism, persistence and social intelligence.  They were the ones who were able to recover from a bad grade and resolve to study and do better next time.  They were the ones who could bounce back from a fight with their parents, recognize the nature of family (and friends) and re-secure those relationships into balance, and those would could resist the urge to go to the movies with friends and stay home and study instead.  They were the kids who could persuade teachers to give them help after class.

“Our kids don’t put up with a lot of suffering,” says a Riverdale teacher, “and when they do get uncomfortable, we tend to hear from their parents.  The parents miss the point that being uncomfortable is what helps the child grow.”

Since swimming is simply a part of life education, the parallels are obvious.  No matter what part of life is involved, the ability to deal effectively with failure and use the lessons provided to move you closer to success is clear.  Parents who spend time “protecting” their children, do them a disservice, and actually disrespect the child who is always stronger and more capable than we, as parents, think.

Everything we do for our children that they can do for themselves, makes them weaker, not stronger.  Seek adversity for your child.  Allow them the honor of struggling.  It’s what made you successful.  If you remove the struggle, you remove their opportunities to get stronger in life.