The 4 Makers & Breakers of Mindset

By Trevor Ragan of http://trainugly.com/

The growth mindset research is a game changing field that’s actually changing the game and that excites the crap out of me.

We’ve spent a lot of time talking about the importance of it and the characteristics of both the growth and fixed mindset.

However, the characteristics are just the symptoms. To fully understand and realize the power of mindsets we have to dig deeper and look at the cause of these symptoms. Buckle up. It’s go time!

Hey Trev, how about a 1 min. 16 sec. mindset refresher before we start? No prob.

The premise is pretty straight forward:

Our mindsets and views on learning have a massive impact on our success in the short and long term.

People who believe that they can grow their intelligence and abilities are said to have a “growth” mindset.

While those who believe that our intelligence and abilities are set, or we have what we have, are said to have a “fixed” mindset.

Science shows two important things:

  1. People with a growth mindset work harder, are more persistent, and are more open to challenges than people with a fixed mindset.
  2. People with a growth mindset learn and grow faster and better than people with a fixed mindset

The symptoms or characteristics of the two mindsets are laid out in this fancy table. It does a great job of giving us the big picture and showing us the impact that the mindsets have:

mindset table

I’m telling you, if you read the books, watch the videos, study the articles, one thing is clear: A growth mindset is the key to just about everything in life.

However, in order to really have an impact on ourselves and those around us we need to go deeper than the table, deeper than the symptoms, and we need to work to understand what causes the symptoms.

THE 4 MAKERS & BREAKERS OF MINDSET

There are four really important, high impact, areas that can push us to have either a growth or fixed mindset.

  1. Understanding the brain
  2. Values
  3. Process v Outcomes
  4. Feedback

Imagine these like a mindset seesaw and we’re standing in the middle. If we get these right we drop into a growth mindset. If we get them wrong we drop into a fixed mindset.

mindset seesaw

1. UNDERSTANDING THE BRAIN

This one is the most important so we’re putting it first. It has a major, major, MAJOR impact on the mindsets. Here is how it works…

Neuroscience shows that the brain is like a muscle. When we stretch it, it is designed to learn and grow. Stretching is the key word here.

Think about doing a set of 10 curls. Which rep sucks the most to do? Which rep leads to the most growth?

That’s right. The 10th (and even 11th rep if you’re wild) are the hardest for sure, but that’s where all the magic happens.

Your brain is the same. When you do hard things, when you stretch outside of your comfort zone, it learns like crazy.

This makes total sense but the problem is, this isn’t taught!

Best selling author, Daniel Coyle pretty much mic drops this whole issue:

“So what will your grandkids be chuckling about in 2061?

Here’s my answer: Brain Ed.

I think our grandkids will look back and say, Back in 2011 (still true today), parents and teachers wanted kids to learn, but somehow they didn’t bother teaching kids the most important part — how the learning machine actually works. What the heck were those people thinking?

And our grandkids will be absolutely, positively, 100-percent right.

Right now, teachers, parents, and coaches in our society focus their attention on teaching the material — whether it’s algebra, soccer, or music. This is the equivalent of trying to train athletes without informing them that muscles exist. It’s like teaching nutrition without mentioning vegetables or vitamins. We feverishly cram our classrooms with whiz-bang technology, but fail to teach the kids how their own circuits are built to operate.

It’s all completely understandable, of course. Our parenting and teaching practices evolved in an industrial age, when we presumed potential was innate, brains were fixed (just as we presumed smoking was healthy and three-martini lunches were normal). But that doesn’t make it right. In fact, you could argue that teaching a child how their brain works is not just an educational strategy — it’s closer to a human right.”

Recap: The brain is like a muscle and we do a shit job of teaching kids how it works. Understanding these things leads to a growth mindset, on the other hand… well, here:

seesaw brain

There is another part of the brain that’s also at play here. And, just like brain education, we also suck at understanding it…

The amygdala, or as Seth Godin calls it, “The Lizard Brain.”

The lizard brain is literally the brain of a wild animal. It lives in the middle of our “human brain” and was hardwired to help us survive wayyyyyyyyy back in the day. It’s designed to:

  • Play it safe
  • Shy away from change
  • Avoid risks
  • Fit in
  • Play it safe
  • Play it safe

If we had to design a fixed mindset generating machine, it would be the lizard brain. It is one of the reasons that we are scared to speak up in class, get out of our comfort zones, and try new things. So yeah, it resists almost everything that can help us learn.

Crappy, huh? It seems like getting rid of this thing would be a huge win for us. Well, I’m like 99% sure that there is no such thing as an amygdala removal surgery. So we’re kind of stuck with it. Which means we need to understand how to use the brain to our advantage. Take it away Mr. Godin:

If you’re seeking to destroy, defeat, or conquer the lizard brain, you will fail. It cannot be done. When you try to fight the lizard brain you give it more power.

What you can do is dance with the lizard brain. What you can do is realize that the lizard brain is a compass. And when it freaks out it’s telling you that you’re onto something. When it freaks out it’s telling you that you’re about to do something that is brave, and bold, and powerful.

You should listen to it by doing exactly the opposite of what it’s telling you to do. When we listen to the lizard brain, welcome it, and thank it for giving us a clue, we can use it to our own end.

seesaw lizard

2. VALUES

We can approach nearly all situations in life in two ways; as a learner, or as a lizard.

No matter how hard or easy something is a learner’s main concern is getting better and finding the lessons. To protect it’s ego, a lizard wants to look good and play it safe – which makes sense. If you believe your skills and intelligence are fixed, you don’t want people to know you’re not that great at something.

A learner speaks up in class, attempts something new, welcomes the stumbles, finds the lessons in both wins and losses, and GETS BETTER. (I love how self fulfilling this one is).

A lizard keeps their mouth shut, plays it safe, hides from situations where they might mess up, is satisfied with a win, discouraged with a loss, and MISSES OUT on daily opportunities to learn and grow. (What’s the opposite of self fulfilling? This is that).

seesaw values

These values directly impact our mindset. This study shows the power of these values and how we can manipulate them:

Dr. Adam Alter and Dr. Joshua Aronson gave Princeton University underclassman a challenging test using questions from the GRE. Students were divided into two groups:

Group 1:
Questions were presented to make the students feel like they were being judged on whether or not they truly belonged at Princeton. This activated their lizard brain and their main concern became looking good. They took the test with a fixed mindset.

Group 2:
Questions were presented as ‘brain teasers.’ The title of the test was even called Intellectual Challenge Questionnaire. Students were told to do their best and enjoy the challenge. These students took the test with a growth mindset.

By simply reframing the instructions Alter and Aronson created a massive performance gap on the test…

princeton

This was one test, with a one sentence primer. Imagine what happens over the course of a semester or a year, where a student is feeling judged and concerned with ALWAYS looking good hundreds and hundreds of times…

waaaps

The good news is that it also shows that we can condition ourselves and those around us to have a more healthy view on learning (which is also what I’ve discovered during the Train Ugly Challenge).

Enough rambling. You’re here for the 3rd maker/breaker…

3. PROCESS V OUTCOMES

This is the most delicate maker/breaker of them all. It’s not black and white like the others. In fact, our good friend, “The Seesaw of Mindset” doesn’t even apply here.

By now I think it’s pretty obvious how a fixation with outcomes and results would lead to a fixed mindset. Concerns with looking good, playing well, and winning supersede concerns with getting better (which we know involves some stumbles, set-backs, and losses). An obsession with winning and looking good robs us of valuable opportunities to learn.

At this point a lot of us (including me three months ago) may come to the conclusion that:

Fixating on outcomes = fixed mindset

so…

Focusing on the process = doing away with outcomes/results = growth mindset

Sorry, but it’s not that black and white.

A healthy focus on the process does NOT mean we can completely shut ourselves off from outcomes and results. I’ve seen some people misinterpret a “process focus” and use it as a place to hide. They avoid putting themselves out on the line and into the fire. They claim to only care about learning and not about the results, but it can become an excuse for them to not confront themselves.

The truth is: life is, and always will be, full of competition and battles, wins/losses, successes/failures, and ups/downs. It’s actually pretty damn easy to have a growth mindset when everything is on going well and when you’re not feeling the heat. The hard part (and most important) is conditioning ourselves to be a learner when things are going wrong, our neck is on the line, it’s crunch time, and when it all matters the most (which is what life is all about).

Everything is a skill. Everything can be learned. And the only way to develop our growth mindset under fire is to experience the heat. Something needs to be on the line. And the outcome has to matter.

Josh Waitzkin – A master of learning and author of The Art of Learning) explains:

“The road to success is not easy, or else everyone would be the greatest at what they do. We need to be mentally prepared to face the unavoidable challenges along the way. And when it comes down to it, the only way to learn how to swim is by getting in the water.”

And how about a splash of Carol Dweck:

“The mark of a champion is the ability to win when things are not quite right – when you’re not playing well and when your emotions are not the right ones.”

Great learners can also use outcomes and results as a measuring stick to gauge progress. These short-term wins and improvements in performance can add fuel to the growth mindset fire, helping us to stay the course of becoming a lifelong learner.

Don’t get me wrong: Yes – games are random and a lot of it is out of our hands. Yes – you can play great and still lose.

BUT – If you’re being a learner and practicing properly you can expect to see some results. These can absolutely show up on a scoreboard, in the stats, or on a test score.

So here is what we know:

Fixating on outcomes and results is wrong.

Too much sheltering from results can be stunting.

Outcomes (if framed properly) can be a great gauge of progress and teach us how to handle the ups and downs of life.

I think the key here is to find a balance where we have a nurturing, long-term, process focus, balanced with healthy short-term goals. Results and outcomes do, and should matter. Thats why we put in the time at practice and in the classroom.

My advice is to acknowledge the outcome and focus on the process.

We can be disappointed with a loss, but still take a growth mindset approach. We can look at the process that led to the loss. Was it bad luck? Were we unprepared? And focus on what we can fix and get better at for next time.

Just as we can be excited and celebrate a win, but hold onto our long-term process focus. We can talk about what led to the win, what went well, and also where we can improve for next time.

This is hard to do but I think the next section does a great job of helping us out.

So yeah, a seesaw won’t cut it for this one. Introducing…

Tightrope Sketch

4. FEEDBACK

Honestly this one scares me a lot. It points out some major flaws in the way we talk to our players, students, and children – showing that we’re actually a major cause of their fixed mindsets.

This video is a great starting point:

We can go even deeper with it.

As teachers, coaches, and parents we’re not ALWAYS praising the kids we work with. Sometimes things go wrong and we need to do some critiquing. There are actually three ways we can go about praising or critiquing someone:

 

Person

Process

Outcome

This is when we direct our praise or critique at the person: “YOU are so smart,” “YOU are such a good dancer,” “YOU aren’t good at math,” “YOU can’t shoot.” As you can see, if it involves the word “you” it’s most likely praise or a critique on the person.

This is when we direct our praise or critique at the effort and strategies that went into the process: “Great job on that test – you must of worked really hard,” “That wasn’t your best performance – what do you think we can do better next time?” The goal is to focus on what led to the outcome.

This is when we direct our praise or critique at the outcome or result. “WOW! You got an A,” “Great win – let’s celebrate!” “That’s a really low score on that test,” “You played really bad today.”

Again, this situation isn’t completely black and white.

Meet Bill. Bill is your child for the next couple of minutes…

Bill Intro

Bill loves golf. He loves practicing, watching the PGA tour on TV, and he studies the game like crazy.

Bill Golfs

Bill plays in a weekend tournament at your local course. It doesn’t go well at all. He’s disappointed in his performance and feeling down.

Bill is Sad

As Bill’s surrogate parent – what do we say?

Directing our critique at him as a person is incredibly destructive… “Maybe you’re just not cut out to be a golfer.” Ummm NO. Never do that. Please.

We could take an outcome focus: “Wow that didn’t go very at all – that’s one of your highest scores of the season.” Meh – I don’t see that helping at all.

What if we take it all back to the process?: “Don’t worry about it – it doesn’t really matter let’s focus on what we can do better for next time.” I think this is the right path but saying “it doesn’t matter,” isn’t fair to Bill. He knows it matters. It feels important and he’s invested a ton of time working to get better. It matters to him A LOT.

I think we need to take a lesson from the last section, walk the tightrope, and acknowledge the outcome/results but then turn the focus to the process:

“Bill I know you’re disappointed and it’s ok to feel like that. You and I both know that wasn’t your best performance. What do you think happened? What can we fix for next time? What are some things that went well?”

Acknowledging the outcome shows empathy and that we understand that not playing your best can hurt a bit. Then by taking the focus to the process, or what caused the poor performance, we are encouraging Bill to have a growth mindset, find the lessons in the loss, and use the experience to grow.

When Bill plays great and wins…

Bill Wins

The same rules apply.

We need to avoid praising him as a person: “That’s my boy! You’re a natural – the next Tiger Woods!!”

We can’t just talk about outcomes: “That was amazing! You’re a champ – let’s go get ice cream!” This approach essentially tells Bill that he’s a winner when he wins, and a loser when he loses. And that we are excited for him only when he plays well. No bueno.

We can’t shut off his emotions and focus only on the process while Bill is jumping up and down with excitement: “No time to celebrate. What went well? What went wrong? What can we do better next time?” Bill should be able to enjoy the win and feel really great about the progress he’s made.

I know I’m sounding like a broken record but, again, we need to acknowledge the outcome and then focus on the process.

Josh Waitzkin:

“A heartfelt, empathetically present, incrementally inspired mom or dad or coach can liberate an ambitious child to take on the world.”

I’m so fascinated with this topic and working on a really cool study to learn more about it.

That’s all folks. Email me at trevor@trainugly.com if you have any questions. This matters so much to me and I would love to help you use this to take your mindset to a whole new level.

It can change everything…

Giving Up Entitlement

By Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat of www.spiritualityandpractice.com/

"Perhaps the most basic belief underlying all of our feelings of entitlement, our 'if onlies,' and even our illusions, is the belief that life should please us, that life should be comfortable. All of our resistance to life is rooted in our wanting life to be pleasing, comfortable, and safe. When life doesn't give us what we want — the job that isn't satisfying, the relationship that isn't quite working, the body that ages and breaks down — we resist. Our resistance can manifest as anger, or fear, or self-pity, or depression, but whatever forms it takes, it blocks our ability to experience true contentment. We see our discomfort as the problem: yet it's the belief that we can't be happy if we're uncomfortable that is much more of a problem than the discomfort itself."
— Ezra Bayda in Beyond Happiness: The Zen Way to True Contentment

Let's face it. We do feel that we are entitled to be happy. Many times we operate under the assumption that having self-esteem also means thinking that we deserve special treatment and are better than other people. Where does our sense of entitlement come from? What feeds it?

Entitlement is encouraged by competition that has become the heartbeat of our society. Since only the winners count, it is okay to do whatever it takes to advance your position and the accompanying rewards. Students are cheating on tests, journalists are plagiarizing others, lawyers are falsifying their billable hours, athletes are using drugs to enhance their performance, and corporations are using every strategy they can find to evade taxes.

wealthy people

Meanwhile, the gap between the rich and the poor is growing. The middle-class is vanishing in this winner-take-all world where entitlement among the rich and the powerful is more pronounced than ever before. The ideal of equality has vanished as wealthy individuals and corporations are turning their money into influence and reshaping politics.

Entitlement is also displayed in what Robert Fuller in Somebodies and Nobodies calls "rankism" — the shabby and dehumanizing treatment of others by those in power. Assault on the dignity of others happens every day when a boss humiliates an employee, a coach bullies a player, or a police officer violates the rights of a suspect. This treatment makes many men and woman feel like they are nobodies as they tally up the number of times they have been treated like a zero. Instead of helping a thousand flowers of personhood bloom, the media lionizes celebrities and others who make a habit of exhibiting self-centeredness because they are by their rank entitled to do so.

There is a trickle-down process working here too. All of us, no matter our position, are infected by this egocentric behavior whereby we tell ourselves that we deserve happiness and to always have things go our way. We remember as children the neediness that made us throw a fit when we did not get what we wanted. In our adolescent years we expected our parents to chauffeur us around from one place to another. Were we thankful? No; we expected adults to meet our needs; we were convinced that they owed us special treatment. And when they didn't do what we wanted, we cried out as demanding youth: "It's not fair!"

Entitlement is pervasive not only in our culture and public life but also in our families and private lives. But we can make changes in our thoughts and behavior to lessen the energy of entitlement. Here are some spiritual practices to try.

Teen girl offering comfort to another

Empathy

In the midst of the uncivil, nasty, aggressive, and narcissistive push-and-shove of life, empathy — the habit of identifying with and responding to the unique experience of another — can serve as a corrective. By increasing our awareness of other people's thoughts and feelings, we can make the world a better place. Instead of viewing someone else as competition, see him afresh as a person like you in need of affirmation, encouragement, and love. See this person as an ally, as someone who can bring out the best in you.

Let Go of Expectations

Expectations are often a project of entitlement. The next time you find yourself trying to control how things will turn out in some engagement, let things unfold naturally. You will find yourself better able to live in the present moment once expectations are gone. Use the words "let it be" as a password to your practice of dispensing with expectations.

Recognize Your Connections with Others

One of the reasons we cling to entitlement as a way of advancing our own position or causes is that we feel that we have nothing in common with others. When you are next in a public place, look around and ponder all the possible connections to the people there. See what presents itself to you.

Woman on park bench

Rejoice in the Happiness of Others

Rejoicing in the happiness and success of others is a healthy antidote to our preoccupation with the happiness we think is due us. When you acknowledge someone else's good fortune you counter the very human tendency to feel that there is a limited supply of happiness and someone else is getting your share. Express your happiness in a note or with a call. Celebrate others' joys in your prayers by praying for all the people being married right now, all the people welcoming a new child into the family right now, all the people getting a promotion right now, all the people relaxing on vacation right now.

Be Grateful

Being thankful for what we have is a firewall against the discontent that accompanies feelings of entitlement. The bonus is that this builds self-esteem. Timothy Miller in How to Want What You Have advises: "Practice gratitude for the people who love you or like you. Don't be concerned how many there are, or how nice or attractive or helpful they are. Just focus on the simple fact that there are at least a few people in the world who love or like you and be open to gratitude for that."

People waiting in line at airport

Step Aside

Entitlement wears many different disguises but is always convincing us to put ourselves first and to make sure that everyone knows that we are special. The next time you feel the urge to play this ego game, find a way out by diminishing yourself and showing your heart. For example, if you are getting off a crowded airplane and someone pushes you, step aside and let them pass saying, "Please go ahead, I'm in no hurry."

Give Up the Vacation You'd Planned

A long-needed vacation after an onerous work schedule filled with deadlines and stress is the perfect setting for entitlement challenges. We arrive in the place we have chosen as our little escape to paradise, planning to play in the ocean and lie on the beach in the sun, only to find that it is raining and the forecast is for much of the same for the rest of the week. The challenge is to give up the stories you have told yourself about this trip and accept what unfolds as you live each day in the present moment. Or as the great Joseph Campbell put it: "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Man enjoying life

Accept Health Challenges

Those of us who exercise regularly, eat the right foods, take the right supplements, and do not drink or smoke often feel that we are entitled to good health. If we do get sick or undergo an injury, we feel that it is "unfair" given all the good things we have done to take care of ourselves. These expectations don't jive with reality where suffering and pain are as much a part of life as fitness and vigor. Those on a spiritual path learned to be resilient and to accept the lessons that can come with illness and physical breakdowns. Design a spiritual practice to carry you through the exertions of your body whether you are healthy or sick.

Put Your Mind Under New Management

It is easy to tell ourselves the familiar old stories of entitlement and to justify our actions in the name of fairness. Another approach is to put our minds under new management. Consider what it would mean if you didn't pledge allegiance to entitlement anymore? What positive and life-enhancing practice would you put in its place? Choose one of those suggested in this feature, or another one, and commit to practicing it for the next week. Journal about what you learn; then decide whether to continue with that practice or try another one.

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