Why Do We Want Our Kids To Swim?

by Elizabeth Wickham from swimswam.com

When I was brand new swim mom, I heard a few parents of older swimmers talk about how their kids were swimming to earn college scholarships. When I enrolled my children with the local swim team, they were in elementary school and scholarship money definitely wasn’t on my mind. It was water safety. Living in an area with backyard pools, it made sense to have my kids learn to swim.

During our first week of summer league, I’ll never forget sitting in the stands with another swim mom, talking away. When we glanced at the pool, we couldn’t find our boys. They weren’t in the pool anywhere. We found them playing under a tree with sticks. Bored with practice, our boys found something else to do. No, I definitely wasn’t thinking about college scholarships back then.

College is ridiculously expensive, but the pressure to earn a scholarship could easily lead to burn out—especially for young swimmers. A scholarship is a wonderful bonus, but by focusing on it, children may view swimming as work rather than a great life experience.

I asked Sarah Dawson, 11-12 Age Group Division Director for the Mission Viejo Nadadores, about putting pressure on our kids:

“Yes, swimming is an expensive sport and there may be early specialization, private lessons, monthly dues, plus travel to meets. But, don’t treat your child like they are the employee of your expectations. Don’t make them pay off the debt of swimming. You will take the joy right out of the sport.

“I learned from my own mom. We had five kids and I was the only one who swam. During a two-and-a-half year plateau, my mom was worried about the cost. It was a true concern. But, how does a child process that? As an age group athlete, how does a swimmer process the expense of going to a meet in Las Vegas? I had a swimmer apologizing to her mother for adding time at a Vegas meet.

“Have a truthful conversation and tell them you love to watch them swim. You want them to love the sport for the joy of it,” Dawson said.

Why do we want our kids to swim? There are so many great reasons, and yes, that may include a college scholarship. Here are three other reasons to be happy our children swim:

ONE

Fun and friendships.

Swimmers develop life-long friendships and really do have fun being a part of a team. When we watch our kids happy and thriving, it brings us joy.

TWO

Self-discipline and time management.

The sheer nature of swimming takes so many hours year-round, that our kids learn they don’t have time to waste. Self-discipline and making good choices will serve them well—long after their age group years.

THREE

Self-confidence and esteem.

Through learning new skills, improving and achieving measurable goals our children will have self-confidence and self-esteem that they earned.

THERE ARE COUNTLESS MORE REASONS FOR OUR CHILDREN TO SWIM. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ONES?

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Elizabeth Wickham

volunteered for 14 years on her kids’ club team as board member, fundraiser, newsletter editor and “Mrs. meet manager.” She’s a writer with a bachelor of arts degree in editorial journalism from the University of Washington with a long career in public relations, marketing and advertising. Her stories have appeared in newspapers and magazines including the Los Angeles Times, Orange County Parenting and Ladybug. You can read more parenting tips on her blog.

Unofficial Rules for Being a Swim Parent

BY MIKE GUSTAFSON//CORRESPONDENT

Being a swim parent can be more arduous than being a swimmer. Ten hours a day of waiting, biting fingernails, patiently scouring heat sheets, squinting onto the pool deck for any trace of your young swimmer, endless chatter about the novel you’re reading or that show on Netflix so-and-so “just loved and you have to watch,” aching backs, hot, humid pool decks, squished and cramped seating for hours on-end, all for sixty seconds of splashing, dashing, and racing.

When you are trapped with other Swim Parents inside a humid, concrete natatorium for an entire weekend, there becomes an unspoken etiquette to being a Swim Parent: Rules that are followed, though not explicitly talked about. New Swim Parents gradually hone in on this so-called etiquette, though it can be easily picked-up within a few hours of an all-weekend swim meet marathon.

Here are some unofficial rules I’ve collected and observed throughout the years. They are not the official rules, but they can provide guidance and assistance to any Swim Parent, veteran or newbie, who is navigating this sport. 

I. Do Not Memorize All Your Kid’s Splits In Every Race To The Hundredth

Doing so risks the verbalization of said splits, which risks the misunderstanding among other Swim Parents that perhaps, maybe, just maybe, you have spent too much time analyzing your children’s swimming. A general theory to follow is that if your own swimmer doesn’t know his or her times to the hundredth, than neither should his or her Swim Parent. 

II. Do Not Give Back-Handed Compliments To Other Swim Parents About Their Kids

Nothing can aggravate more than a compliment with a hidden insult inside. It’s like an odd fortune cookie containing obscure messages of deception and insult.

Examples:

“I love the way Charlie races. He just tries to hold on, despite his ability!” 
“Sure, Janet is no Janet Evans, but that race was certainly courageous!” 
“Great race for your son. All he needs now is a growth spurt.”

III. In Fact, Do Not Make Any Comments About Anyone Else’s Kids Unless They Are “Good Job!” or “Way To Go!”

 

IV. Noise-Makers Are Only To Be Used Probably Never

Swim meets are usually held inside noise-amplifying concrete boxes. There is no need for a noise-maker beyond the sound of your own voice.

V. Do Not Talk Badly About The Coaches Behind Their Backs

Look: You may have ideas how your kids should be coached better, or how a certain coach made a certain comment. The arena for that discussion should be with that coach, not with other swim parents. Let’s not resort back to Middle School cafeteria days of gossip and hearsay. 

VI. Do Not Brag About Your Own Swimmer’s Success

It’s a little twisted: that swim parent who only speaks about his or her swimmer’s success and nothing else, all day, endlessly, to anyone who will listen (and generally, no one tries to). Swim parents who brag to other swim parents are not only risking alienation within the swim team parental tribe, but are also putting too much pressure on their own swimmers. Just like you don’t want to make your swimmer’s failures a pool deck storyline, don’t make your swimmer’s success a storyline, either.

VII. All You Need To Do? Hug.

After your swimmer races, gets out of the pool, dries off, changes, and approaches you, all you really need to do is smile, say, “I’m proud of you,” and give a hug. That’s it. No race commentary nor critique. No, “You should have finished harder!” or “I can’t believe we drove all this way to Tennessee to watch that.” State your pride in your spawn, then hug or high-five, and go get some food. No, “I’m going to have to talk to your coach about your stroke tempo” or “If only you were .06 seconds faster, then you would have made your Junior Nationals cut.” No, no. A pre-race, “Let’s Go [Fill In Name Here]!” and then a post-race hug.

That’s it, that’s all.

Let the swimmers swim, let the coaches coach, and let the swim parents offer support. Follow these unofficial rules to being a swim parent, and you, too, will become an Olympic gold-medal worthy Swim Parent.

Five Gifts Students Need to Enter Adulthood

By Tim Elmore of growingleaders.com

Last year, the results of a multi-year, nationwide study were released. It was a College and Career Readiness Survey of 165,000 high school students conducted by YouthTruth, a San Francisco-based nonprofit. Several discoveries were made, but one clear one for me was that a majority of young adults do not feel ready for life after school. One report said, “An overwhelming number of students, 87 percent, want to eventually earn a college degree and land a career. But many believe that their schools aren’t helping them develop the skills they’ll need to succeed after graduation.” Executive director Jen Vorse Wilka concluded, “While it’s encouraging to see the proportion of students with high college and career expectations, most do not feel prepared to do so.”

I have always been a fan of schools and organizations that equip students with skills they’ll need for career and adulthood. I wonder, however, if there are “gifts” we can give them, even if our schools don’t focus on career readiness. In other words, we may not be offering courses on finance and accounting, but could we provide what they’ll need emotionally to meet the challenges they’ll face. When I was in school, I never took a course on college and career readiness, but the teachers, coaches and adults in my life furnished something just as valuable that made me ready.

Five Gifts They Need From You

May I offer a handful of practical “gifts” you can give to the students you lead every day? Today’s students, the ones who make up what I call Generation iY, need five elements from you in order to enter adulthood with a full emotional tank:

1. Empathy – “I understand you.”

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for most students, it is indistinguishable,” says author David Augsberger. I have found I can say almost anything, even share some constructive criticism if my students believe they’re understood. When they feel our empathy, students have the hope it takes to meet challenges. I am convinced students do not have the innate need to get their own way. They do have the innate need to be heard. In fact, I believe peoples’ top need is the need to be understood.

2. Incentives – “I believe in you.”

Students perform better when our messaging stems from our belief in them. One survey reported that effort increases by at least 40 percent, and in some cases up to 300 percent, when our feedback (even hard feedback) comes from a platform of belief in their ability to execute our direction. We actually incentivize them with our confidence; I have seen simple words of hope cultivate ambition in students when there was none. Sometimes our confidence can translate into their self-confidence.

3. Standards – “I expect the best from you.”

Leaders must be both responsive and demanding. Responsive means we communicate our acceptance of their value. Demanding means we so believe in them that we refuse to dilute a standard because it’s hard. We must call out the best in them. While they may not appreciate it in the moment, it sends the clear message that we really mean it when we say we believe in them. It relays we believe they have it in them to succeed at a goal. Expectations have so much to do with achievement.

4. Accountability – “I won’t settle for less than our agreement.”

We all do better when we’re watched. It was true in practice when I was a student athlete; and it’s true in life. Accountability means someone next to us, even in authority over us watches and cares how we do. It is a consistent reminder of our standards. In fact, if we don’t offer this gift, the previous two are diluted. How does “I believe in you” matter if we don’t actually follow through with accountability? Holding students accountable is empowering to them over the long haul.

5. Celebration – “I will praise effort, regardless of the result.”

Students need to be recognized for effort that is in their control and can be repeated.

While we want to equip students to achieve results, often the outcome is out of their control. That makes it a slippery object to hold on to, since so many other factors determine the product. Students need adults to celebrate “wins” in their life and to recognize both habits and attitudes that lead to success. I firmly believe that what gets rewarded gets repeated. Let’s affirm the right behaviors.

Remember—we must go first. We teach what we know, but we reproduce what we are. If students are going to become healthy adults, we must be one ourselves first. I’ve said it before—let’s be the person we needed when we were young.

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