The Stanford professor who pioneered praising kids for effort says we’ve totally missed the point

WRITTEN BY Jenny Anderson 

It is well known that telling a kid she is smart is wading into seriously dangerous territory.

Reams of research show that kids who are praised for being smart fixate on performance, shying away from taking risks and meeting potential failure. Kids who are praised for their efforts try harder and persist with tasks longer. These “effort” kids have a “growth mindset” marked by resilience and a thirst for mastery; the “smart” ones have a “fixed mindset” believing intelligence to be innate and not malleable.

But now, Carol Dweck, the Stanford professor of psychology who spent 40 years researching, introducing and explaining the growth mindset, iscalling a big timeout.

It seems the growth mindset has run amok. Kids are being offered empty praise for just trying. Effort itself has become praise-worthy without the goal it was meant to unleash: learning. Parents tell her that they have a growth mindset, but then they react with anxiety or false affect to a child’s struggle or setback. “They need a learning reaction – ‘what did you do?’, ‘what can we do next?’” Dweck says.

It is well known that telling a kid she is smart is wading into seriously dangerous territory.

Reams of research show that kids who are praised for being smart fixate on performance, shying away from taking risks and meeting potential failure. Kids who are praised for their efforts try harder and persist with tasks longer. These “effort” kids have a “growth mindset” marked by resilience and a thirst for mastery; the “smart” ones have a “fixed mindset” believing intelligence to be innate and not malleable.

But now, Carol Dweck, the Stanford professor of psychology who spent 40 years researching, introducing and explaining the growth mindset, iscalling a big timeout.

It seems the growth mindset has run amok. Kids are being offered empty praise for just trying. Effort itself has become praise-worthy without the goal it was meant to unleash: learning. Parents tell her that they have a growth mindset, but then they react with anxiety or false affect to a child’s struggle or setback. “They need a learning reaction – ‘what did you do?’, ‘what can we do next?’” Dweck says.

“I was very invested in being smart and thought to be smart was more important than accomplishing anything in life,” she says. But her research made her realize she could take some risks and push herself to reach her potential, or she could spend all her time trying to look smart.

She and other researchers are discovering new things about mindsets. Adults with growth mindsets don’t just innately pass those on to their kids, or students, she says, something they had assumed they would. She’s also noticed that people may have a growth mindset, but a trigger that transports them to a fixed-mindset mode. For example, criticism may make a person defensive and shut down how he or she approaches learning. It turns out all of us have a bit of both mindsets, and harnessing the growth one takes work.

Researchers are also discovering just how early a fixed and growth mindset forms. Research Dweck is doing in collaboration with a longitudinal study at the University of Chicago looked at how mothers praised their babies at one, two, and three years old. They checked back with them five years later. “We found that process praise predicted the child’s mindset and desire for challenge five years later,” she says.

In a follow-up, the kids who had more early process praise—relative to person praise—sought more challenges and did better in school. “The more they had a growth mindset in 2nd grade the better they did in 4th grade and the relationship was significant,” Dweck wrote in an email. “It’s powerful.”

Dweck was alerted to things going awry when a colleague in Australia reported seeing the growth mindset being misunderstood and poorly implemented. “When she put a label on it, I saw it everywhere,” Dweck recalls.

But it didn’t deflate her (how could it, with a growth mindset?). It energized her:

I know how powerful it can be when implemented and understood correctly. Education can be very faddish but this is not a fad. It’s a basic scientific finding, I want it to be part of what we know and what we use.

http://qz.com/587811/stanford-professor-who-pioneered-praising-effort-sees-false-praise-everywhere/

Three Parental Acts That Hinder Students From Becoming Leaders

By Tim Elmore of growingleaders.com

I just finished meeting with a group of university students. My goal was to ask them how they had adapted to college life. I chose this group of students because every one of them served in leadership roles during high school. I wondered if they’d continued in college. The overwhelming message I received from them is they didn’t feel they were keeping up with expectations. Due to this reality, half of them had not even applied for a leadership position, and the other half had quit their positions.

This might be predictable, but it’s also a pattern.

Faculty on university campuses are reporting that needy, less resilient students have shaped the landscape for staff and teachers—in that educators are expected to do more handholding, lower academic standards, and not challenge students too much. Even the student leaders have switched into survival mode.

Dan Jones, former president of the Association for University and College Counseling Center Directors, is concerned for the mental and emotional health of ordinary students. In an article for The Chronicle of Higher Education, he reports:

“Students haven’t developed skills in how to soothe themselves, because parents have solved all their problems and removed the obstacles. They don’t seem to have as much grit as previous generations.”

This Generation of Parents

photo credit: My daughter cannot survive for five minutes without checking her text messages... via photopin (license)

photo credit: My daughter cannot survive for five minutes without checking her text messages… via photopin (license)

I remember my parents raising me forty to fifty years ago. They were part of the “Silent Generation” who’d grown up during the Great Depression and World War II. Building resilience and learning to solve problems was part of their agenda for me. These skills had served them well. They wanted me to be ready for life.

My generation, however, grew up in the post-World War II era. Things were better, the economy was stronger, and television told us we “deserved a break today.” So as parents, we focused on our children’s happiness and self esteem. We wanted them to have a better life. Unfortunately, we now see the by-product of this parental philosophy. As kids grow into adulthood, they’re often neither happy nor ready.

What a sad irony for these emerging adults who could be leaders!

What Employers Say

Recently, a San Francisco-based nonprofit called YouthTruth conducted a multi-year survey on college and career readiness with a sample group of over 165,000 high school students. The results of their work were rather surprising: only 45% of the students felt positive about their college or career readiness. In short, fewer than half felt they’re ready for life after high school.

As we work with employers, they tell us their three greatest needs on teams are:

  • Resilience
  • Problem solving skills
  • Interpersonal skills

Executives continue to implore us to help students cultivate these skills sets—some are hard skills, and some are soft skills. Unfortunately, they are conspicuously absent, and if our young people are going to be leaders, we must make some changes.

Three Parent Mistakes

Let me suggest three unwitting parental actions that diminish a student’s ability to become a leader, both in and after school:

1.  Resilience If I never let them fail, they won’t develop resilience.

In my book 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid, I share that most parents work to insure their child never fails. Ever. In a class, on a team, at work, you name it. Sadly, if we don’t allow them to experience failure, resilience is only a theory they’ve heard about in older generations. They crumble at the first sign of adversity. We must let them fail in the safe environment of homes so they cultivate resilience for the future.

2.  Problem Solving If I do things for them, they won’t build problem-solving skills.

Although employers value problem-solving skills most, somehow graduates come to the job afraid to even try. Why is this? I believe it’s because most of their lives, up to this point, have been virtual. What’s more, too many moms or dads have done the problem solving for them. Parents must encourage their kids to see problems clearly; imagine how to solve it, then develop the steps to reach it. They won’t learn to solve problems if someone does it for them.

3.  Soft skills If I don’t balance their screen time, they won’t cultivate soft skills.

Finally, supervisors are hunting for young employees with soft skills: the ability to work with others, to communicate well, to look someone in the eye and listen, and to resolve conflict. These are fundamentals—but they involve face-to-face interaction. Parents must balance the time their kids have on a screen with the time they spend in the presence of people of different ages.

A Case Study

Last year, I met a couple who told me about their teenage daughter. They confided that she was feeling entitled to a car, a smart phone, spending money, and all the perks her friends received. If she didn’t get them, she’d accuse mom and dad of being horrible parents and threaten to leave home. The couple was in a quandary.

I encouraged them to gently and lovingly take their daughter up on the threat. They had created a safe environment for her, but one that prevented her from realizing how life really worked. There’s nothing better than a dose of reality to give one perspective. The next time their teen daughter threatened to leave home, they said they didn’t want her to go—but maybe that would be the best way for her to learn the life skills she desperately needed.

They called her bluff. Reality stared her right in the face.

Their daughter left for only one day and soon returned. Her mood was different. There was a new Sheriff in town. They helped her solve her own problems and become resilient when life got tough. The good news is—this teen would learn the skills either way: by leaving home and doing it on her own, or via loving parents who equipped their little girl with the skills she’d need for life. Now, she’s becoming a leader at her school because her parents stopped enabling her.

Let’s make this our story, too.


Empower Your Kids to Enter Adulthood with Resilience, Resolve, Purpose & Satisfaction.
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